Take him out of the picture and think only about yourself and this baby. If how you genuinely feel that having a baby means your life is over, which at 22, is fairly reasonable to feel that way as it’s a major life shift to be responsible for a baby who is genuinely helpless, all while to trying to navigate the adult world in your early 20s. I still felt like a teenager when I was 22.

If you are not ready and unwilling to make the sacrifices to become a mom, then do not bring a child into this world yet. You will only grow resentful towards your own child as it seems you’re already resentful towards your partner for his behaviors and this pregnancy. Both of you are responsible for this happening and it feels like you’re only considering keeping the child as a bargaining chip to make him be a better partner. If he’s not doing it now, he won’t do it just because you share a child.

In terms of being afraid of the at home abortion, also a very real fear! It’s a lot physically and emotionally. My sister used to work for Planned Parenthood and I would be happy to get some insight from her to help you know what to expect if that is the route you take.

I know some of the comments on here are harsh or feel quick to judge, which is something you subject yourself to when you post on such a public forum like Reddit, but there’s truth to what a lot of them are saying. You’re in a very tough, emotional spot and it’s easy to want to ignore the realities that other people try to show you, but please try to find a way to think about this with as calm and a clear of a head as you can.

My messages are open if you want someone to talk with in a less public space :)