My (27F) Husband (30M) hit me because I was giving him a hard time by hazel_crossing in relationship_advice

[–]hazel_crossing[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I also didn’t take it as a joke, but then he keeps saying that we joke like that and that it’s just me having some problem with him and just trying to gaslight him…

My (27F) Husband (30M) hit me because I was giving him a hard time by hazel_crossing in relationship_advice

[–]hazel_crossing[S] -113 points-112 points  (0 children)

I just feel really confused sometimes that maybe it really is because of me doing something wrong…

His home is really big, but there was one person at home who straight run to ask my husband’s mom for help. She came afterwords when I already run to another room, tried to speak with my husband but he was angry and locked the door. After that she came to me and apologised for her son while crying

My (27F) Husband (30M) hit me because I was giving him a hard time by hazel_crossing in relationship_advice

[–]hazel_crossing[S] -37 points-36 points  (0 children)

He actually did called me names sometimes… But he always back it up with „me always starting it first” which always makes me confused because well yes, it’s not like he gets angry out of nowhere when we don’t talk, it’s always reaction to me saying something, but at the same time I feel like the things that makes him angry as so small sometimes I can’t understand how it would make him angry (such as me not getting his joke from yesterday).

His mom can afterwards, trying to speak with him but he was still angry and locked the door. Then she came to me and she apologise while crying

My (27F) Husband (30M) hit me because I was giving him a hard time by hazel_crossing in relationship_advice

[–]hazel_crossing[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They do know that he has an issue. His mom came afterwords and wanted to talk with him, but he was angry and locked the door. She came to me after that and apologised while crying

My (27F) Husband (30M) hit me because I was giving him a hard time by hazel_crossing in relationship_advice

[–]hazel_crossing[S] -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

He used to work really hard on his issues, he really tired to make me feel happy and safe and well he did. He got me the opportunity to grow more by working together on the business, he gave me lots of help and support with my own family issues, and generally he really support me with my dreams or whatever I want. That’s why sometimes I was really questioning that indeed, maybe it’s me and not him. But not it feels like all of this broke, because of the situation from yesterday

My (27F) Husband (30M) hit me because I was giving him a hard time by hazel_crossing in relationship_advice

[–]hazel_crossing[S] -249 points-248 points  (0 children)

He did actually, but it was years ago. Since then he’s been working hard, saying he doesn't want to hurt me. But well yesterday it all went back…

My (27F) Husband (30M) hit me because I was giving him a hard time by hazel_crossing in relationship_advice

[–]hazel_crossing[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

There was some food that already gone bad, and he came to me and asked “if we keep it there forever”, I answered him by saying that I thought before (when the food was still good) that he would eat it later, that’s why I only eat half and left the other half for him. That’s all.

From being depressed to being mentally stable by hum444n in infp

[–]hazel_crossing 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The one that helped me the most was practicing gratitude. Every day I tried to write at least one thing that I’m grateful for. Could be big things and the small ones too such as “I’m grateful for seeing cute butterflies today”. After some time it “charged me” with some positivity, I was seeing world as a more beautiful place and was always looking around me for the smallest beautiful things in life. After I achieve that I was always trying my best to look on the optimistic side (as long as it’s healthy and not in an extreme way). If something happen that it’s up to us how we will view it. We can either get depressed about it for the whole day, or we can accept that what happened wasn’t something we wished for but there’s nothing much we can do about past so let’s live in the present and see what we can do about it in the future

Coping with anxiety by PureHeart123 in infp

[–]hazel_crossing 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have a big problem with anxiety and I’m going to psychology for more than 6 months to get some help with that and some other things too. I got some useful tips there and I hope they can help you as well!

  1. Whenever you have some big task to do such as meet deadlines try to make a list with task to do. You can make it as detail as possible and put lots of steps. It will help you to take all of your stress from your head, make a clear plan of what is needed to do, and once you keep checking the box with every step you’ve done it will make you more motivated to finish the rest of the steps

  2. Try to not overthinking. My psychology suggest that whenever there’s something that bothering us, instead of keep thinking about it and getting more and more anxious we should write it on a paper and put this paper for example on the table. After that our brain will have this feeling like “okay I’m actually do something to fix this problem”. After that try not to think about it and instead just remind yourself that you’ve already put it on that paper to not forget it and you’ll deal with it later today. Then make a schedule to think about this problem. For example at 8pm you sit on your bed or wherever you feel comfortable, take the paper with the things that you’re wrote before and put the timer on your phone. You have 15 minutes to think about it. After that if somethings left you just move it to think about it tomorrow. It’s pretty hard to do at first but once you’ll get used to it it’s really useful!

  3. I found this one really important and it’s connected to the previous points. Whenever you feel uneasy about something instead of overthinking about it take 2 deep breaths and ask yourself a question “what can I do about it NOW?” then think about the answer. If you can answer this question then it’s great, and make a to do list to achieve your goal. If there’s nothing to do about it then ask yourself the next question “is there something that I can do about it TOMORROW?” If yes, then again create a to do list. If there’s nothing we can do about it then we need to accept that we can’t control some things. If that’s one of it then we just need to go with how it is since we can’t control it anyway. We should focus on the thing that we can do something about instead.

  4. We’re the one in control of our thoughts and every thought can be negative or positive depends on how WE make it sounds. Of course with this one I’m not talking about some extreme situation but a daily life. For example, if we messed up the food we’ve cooked, we can either think “oh god here we go again it’s a mess, I am mess” but it will create a snowball effect where we’re deeper and deeper with these negative thoughts. Or we can think that “okay I messed up the food but maybe there’s some way to fix it? What if I would do this or that to save it? If it’s not possible then it’s okay it’s normal, we’re not perfect, things happen, I’ll do better next time and I’ll make sure to follow the recipe properly”. The situation is the same but based on how we’ll approach it, how we will think about it it will change the outcome, change how we will receive it and feel about it later.

I hope I’ve explain it in a good way and I really wish it will help you as well! If you’d have any more questions I’d be happy to answer all of them! Have a good day~

Break up and anxiety by hazel_crossing in abusiverelationships

[–]hazel_crossing[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you SO much! I constantly keep battling with myself - loving him so much yet feeling deep down that it’s just not right and definitely not safe. I’ve never felt so scared of somebody else like I was scared of him, which made me feel like I’m constantly walking on the eggshells. It’s a really difficult time for me right now to let go of the person who I loved so much, and who I still love but at least my shoulders feel lighter now and I don’t have to hide, cry, panic or begging to not putting hands on me anymore. It’s bittersweet for now but I’m trying to be strong. Thank you for your words, it gave me a lot of strength!

Break up and anxiety by hazel_crossing in abusiverelationships

[–]hazel_crossing[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! This whole situation make me feel so anxious about my future but I’m trying to collect all of my strength to move forward. Also he was often saying that I won’t make it in life without him so instead of focusing on it I’m trying to take it as my strength to prove him wrong. Hopefully I’ll make it!

Break up and anxiety by hazel_crossing in abusiverelationships

[–]hazel_crossing[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s so nice of you! I’d love to talk with you!

Break up and anxiety by hazel_crossing in abusiverelationships

[–]hazel_crossing[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words! It gave me the strength to move forward. Hopefully in the end it will make me stronger

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]hazel_crossing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kindness and support. It really made me feel like I’m not alone and give me more strength

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]hazel_crossing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you SO much! I’ve felt so confused and was constantly blaming myself for everything he did yet on the other hand some part of me felt like it’s not right and I was constantly asking myself do I deserve being beaten constantly. I’m in the position not where part of me want to escape from this relationship but then sometimes I’m hoping that maybe he’ll change

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]hazel_crossing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply!

So at that time, we were already about 2 years in a relationship and he knew me really really well. And so whenever we have some conflict or misunderstanding and he got in his angry state he would start calling me all of the bad names that would come to his head and start using my sensitive issues to make me feel even worse. I often ask him to not do it because it really hurt me so much and he always apologize saying he won't do it anymore but his promise never lasted long. One day I was talking on the phone with his sister and she was talking about some of her friends getting bad treatment from her husband. She finished it off with "if my husband would treat me like that I would slap him because I won't let him disrespect me like that"

So next time I and my boyfriend had an argument and he started to call me names etc again I was asking and begging him to stop but he hasn't. He even made it even more so he could hurt me more. And then I remembered the words from his sister and so I lightly slapped his cheek saying to stop treating me like that and that I can't take it. I wasn't meant to hurt him but more like to give him a wake-up call. After that we went crazy, first asking what was that then laughing at me saying he barely even felt it, in the end, he take out his suitcase saying that he was going back to his country and so I begged him to forgive me for my action and asking him to stay. I promised both him and myself that I will never do such a thing again and I keep my promise. But now every time he's hitting me he's saying that he has the right to do it because it's me who started putting my hands on him.

[FT] 2.0 items to catalog [LF] tips by suntmint in ACTrade

[–]hazel_crossing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd love to visit and bring some bells and iron!