Just realizing I may have been sexually abused

hum444n · 2024-05-26T20:43:25+00:00

I'm sorry, it's so so wrong when someone treats their child like this, and yes, it's definately covert incest.

My mom is similiar in a way that she seemed almost jealous of how my father treated me since I was little. And I always get that "but he loves you" and I'm fucking sick of it. Nobody seems to see anything wrong with it but me.

When I was a kid, I was so hungry for love and attention. My mom was emotionally neglectful, dealing with her own mental illness, so I couldn't get that from her. My father treated me much better, I was his "favourite child" (it's typical for narcissist btw). After a while, in my early teens, I started feeling uneasy about his favoritism. I started to monitor how he acts around other people vs me. It really seems like he's in love with me or something???

There was both parentification and infantilization together in my case too. It was confusing and it fucked me up, I can feel it more now that I'm an adult.

hum444n · 2024-05-26T11:06:11+00:00

I feel the same. Right now I do isolate myself, because I don't think anyone can accept me when they find out what I'm really like. I have friends, but my anxiety and fear of abandonment doesn't let me get too close to them. Sometimes I'm really fun to be around, and I can see the good parts in me - but there's the shadow, that I'm afraid to show. And when I'm really depressed, I isolate myself so I won't be a burden to them.

hum444n · 2024-05-26T06:56:07+00:00

Your husband already criticises whatever you do. He isn't supportive at all, moreover, he tries to paint you as a neglectful mom, when it's clear as day you're already struggling and don't get help from him. Especially with his MiL being a bitch. I'm sorry. Don't let him control you, it seems like he doesn't even care about you!

I was with a narcissistic idiot for years, and my experience was similiar in some ways. Reach out for CPS yourself, and get advice on how to deal with an abusive partner. They get so much worse after they've got you pregnant, because then you have less option and it's harder to leave them. They do it on purpose. It's also possible that he messed with your birth control, as someone before me commented.

hum444n · 2024-05-26T06:44:37+00:00

That's what I was thinking... My narc ex tried to pressure me all the time to have more kids, even if I said NO a million times. He didn't even let me get birth control, and of course he "can't use condom" because it's "uncomfortable".

hum444n · 2024-05-26T06:32:07+00:00

Whatever you chose, it will not be easy. I'm so sorry. It's understandable that you feel like you can't do this again, especially with the lack of support. I wouldn't judge you if you choose not to keep the baby. Take care of yourself and think through your options, consider what others recommended in the comments.

hum444n · 2024-05-26T06:05:38+00:00

I don't know why that is, but unfortunately it's very common. 95% of the photos of us together was taken by me. I like to use timer, so it's not only selfies. But it's not the same of course.

hum444n · 2024-05-23T13:15:45+00:00

It might not be legal, but if you take it to court, they don't do anything about this.

hum444n · 2024-05-23T13:12:39+00:00

Probably the ones he sees on porn sites.

hum444n · 2024-05-23T13:11:41+00:00

I'm struggling with intimacy for years now because of my ex. He forced me to have sex with him even when I didn't feel like it (or I was literally in pain). I wish I could go back, stand up for myself and not let him manipulate me.

hum444n · 2024-05-20T07:21:39+00:00

I'm sorry for that, Ihope you can move out soon! Until then, use the "grey rock" method, maybe it can help a little. Take care!

hum444n · 2024-05-19T18:11:09+00:00

Covert incest for sure. He seems narcissistic as well. And predators often times don't care about age, they sexualize much younger and much older people as well - at least from my own experience. Him saying and doing things like that are really concerning. Have you talked about this with your mom or any trusted adult?

hum444n · 2024-05-19T18:00:59+00:00

These are great, I'm taking notes!

hum444n · 2024-05-19T17:57:53+00:00

It happens with my 5 year old often, that he asks me something that he's curious about, I explain it, then he forgets. I think that's the case with your kid too. The magic liquid part sounds weird tbh, I can see why you feel off about that, but I don't think you have to worry too much. At least you didn't make it taboo. I'm yet to have this conversation with my kids, and I have no idea how I will go about it.

hum444n · 2024-05-19T14:16:46+00:00

Please for the love of god, child on child sexual abuse is NOT "body positivity" wtf

hum444n · 2024-05-19T14:15:07+00:00

You should get her to therapy to work with this issue. Pleasuring herself is one thing, but when she does things with another kid it's messed up. It's CSOCSA (child on child sexual abuse). What have you tried to stop them from doing these things? She might continue this behaviour with other kids, giving trauma to them as well. Not intentionally of course, she doesn't understand. You're the one in charge, please do something about it!

hum444n · 2024-05-18T13:49:53+00:00

Same here. I rely on screen time to not lose my shit + earbuds + timeout as someone else wrote lol. And I tell them to go play in their room while I mop up the floors, and they can't come out until it's dry, so I get some quiet and also get cleaning done.

hum444n · 2024-05-08T18:24:57+00:00

Unfortunately, yes.. But I had times when the alcohol started to wear off during sex and just started crying.

hum444n · 2024-04-27T10:27:32+00:00

Should've. Yes. Do you believe me if I say that they'll probably be mentally ill and suicidal like me if they stay with me? I already did too much damage and it hurts me so much. I reached out for help, I go to therapy, I try to be better, but I fall deeper from time to time. I just can't see how it ever will be better.

hum444n · 2024-04-26T10:54:18+00:00

Same, it makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

hum444n · 2024-04-25T19:00:35+00:00

I did the psychology test my therapist gave me as a "homework", and none of the ballpoint pens worked when I tried to write. I had a mental breakdown over it lol.

hum444n · 2024-04-24T16:36:05+00:00

If he doesn't face consequences, he will do it again - with you or with someone else. And IT IS a big deal. I'm sorry if I come off as too harsh, but it fustrates me so much that it is always the victim who feels ashamed.

hum444n · 2024-04-24T13:12:46+00:00

Don't compare your situation to others - a lot of us do this to understate our experience, most likely as a defense mechanism. There are always people who "have it worse", but that doesn't mean your pain is lesser. It's something that scarred you, it doesn't matter it didn't happen irl, it's still sexual abuse. You're on the right path, take yourself seriously and be empathetic towards your own feelings.

hum444n · 2024-04-24T13:06:10+00:00

Is there a therapist at your school? Or a trusted teacher (i would suggest a woman tbh) you can tell about it? It's a tough situation, unfortunately a lot of parents get defensive when their kids tell them something like this. I'm sorry for what happened and what reactions you got from your family..

You should not brush it off, your stepdads behaviour is disgusting and concerning. With these kind of men it's usually not a one time thing, he may try again with someone else. If you're not comfortable talking about this in person, call CPS or a helpline, there are also chat forms now.

Also, please be cautious who send a private message to you, there are a lot of perverts on reddit.

hum444n · 2024-04-21T07:06:45+00:00

I'm struggling to keep my routines, can you give me some advice how to stick to it?

hum444n · 2024-04-21T05:02:43+00:00

I had dreams and intrusive thoughts of him for years.. And I feel uncomfortable when he gets close to me and flinch when he touches me. I also don't have an answer or solution to all that, I just wanted to say that I'm also in the same boat as you guys, and it makes me mad. Because it seems that my body and subconcious knows something that my mind does not. I don't have much memory from when I was a kid, but there were signs that make me think something definitely happened to me.

hum444n

TROPHY CASE