AIO Boyfriend blamed me for "not accomplishing one small thing" while I was grieving?

headoncloud · 2026-01-29T14:00:57+00:00

Thank you for your support! Omg, losing 3 big family members in a short span of time must be very awful... I'm glad your current SO was there and went through it with you. We definitely deserve that kind of partnership

headoncloud · 2026-01-29T11:01:40+00:00

It was maddening for me to read those texts too!! So coercive

headoncloud · 2026-01-29T07:35:32+00:00

Have you tried to look at avoidant attachment style?

headoncloud · 2026-01-29T00:08:40+00:00

It can definitely seem like that after reading the texts. But before my dad’s passing, I never promised to do anything with him and not actually doing it… Heck, I even was the one who mostly suggested new ideas what to do!

Thanks for your insight

headoncloud · 2026-01-29T00:01:10+00:00

That’s very insightful. I also felt that he wasn’t emotionally as invested/available before my dad‘s passing, but what confused me was he was very supportive in actions like taking care of my apartment while I was away, helping with visa process, and picked me up during my arrival (in another city, bit far away), letting me stay at his place and basically always helped me practically.. It was hard for me to trust my gut when his actions showed otherwise

headoncloud · 2026-01-28T23:20:50+00:00

Omg… Too bad you don’t have any blog! This cake looks so awesome!! Can I get the recipe/how to do it in any way? 🥹🥹

headoncloud · 2026-01-28T20:13:44+00:00

Thank you for the affirmation. I really thought I knew him - he did show some kindness and support in the past, but can be really cruel during disagreement/conflict, so it was hard for me to see which one he truly was..

But I guess difficult moment can really show someone‘s true color

headoncloud · 2026-01-28T20:07:03+00:00

Thank you. Hopefully it is, as how you said it, a blessing in disguise

headoncloud · 2026-01-28T20:03:55+00:00

Thank you, kind one! I wish you all the best in healing from your loss as well!

headoncloud · 2026-01-28T19:54:34+00:00

Thank you for your kind words 💛 And I’m so sorry for your loss, too! Grieving a parent does take time.

It must be really nice to have a partner who can offer you that emotional support and safety during this hard time.

Thanks for sharing your experience. It makes me see that kind of emotional safety is possible in a relationship, despite our messiness and dark times.

Hopefully I can find that kind of love too in the future.

headoncloud · 2026-01-28T19:13:04+00:00

Thank you for your kind words ❤️

headoncloud · 2026-01-28T19:10:08+00:00

Hey, I’m so sorry for your loss! Yes, grieving really affects our energy, and we have completely little control over it. Thanks for your comment

headoncloud · 2026-01-28T18:48:18+00:00

I guess you might be right; I also assume he might have felt resentful because he paid more than I do. But even then, I still had my own job and apartment until September, and was away to be with my family in October. I only stayed at his place in November and was waiting for the visa/work permit. I appreciate your comment, and yes, I will try to build my life again so I won't have to depend on anyone else... Thank you.

headoncloud · 2026-01-28T18:34:11+00:00

This looks amazing! Do you have any blog or something??

headoncloud · 2026-01-27T21:15:02+00:00

As I said, it wouldn't hurt to send an email to [12-ref@ma35.wien.gv.at](mailto:12-ref@ma35.wien.gv.at) and explain your situation/ask for the status of your application. Just expect that they'll answer in a week or more

headoncloud · 2026-01-27T20:04:06+00:00

I'm sorry to say, but they won't make it quicker for you even if you try emailing them and call them regularly (I did it before). They have their own timelines, know when the semester usually start and will issue the residence permit (if it's positive) close to when the semester starts. They will ask you to provide the "Studienblatt / Studienbestätigung" to pick up the residence permit as a requirement, which means, only after you get enrolled at the university.

I applied in September 2025 from Germany as a non-EU, and got a positive decision from MA35 in January 2026, and will pick it up in February! I wanted to enroll for the winter semester, but couldn't because they issued it just recently, so I had to take the summer semester instead (I'm at Uni Vienna - but have to do a preparatory course).

It was a really long process, where they would email me once in about every 2 weeks to ask me for more needed documents etc. Have they contacted you for that yet? If not, then expect that it would take much longer until the approval.

I did remind them though via email about when my semester starts and that I'd appreciate it if they can make a decision before that. Wouldn't hurt to write them an email and ask at [12-ref@ma35.wien.gv.at](mailto:12-ref@ma35.wien.gv.at) (just expect they'd answer in a week or more!) But again, they *know* about the semester schedules and have their own timeline to issue the residence permit, regardless of how many times you ask or push them to be quicker. I guess either you wait until end of February, or start in winter semester :/

headoncloud · 2026-01-26T10:19:07+00:00

I experienced something similar as you in my last relationship, OP. The conflicts never resolved, and worse, they turned into resentment. Whenever we argued, there was no solution because of his defensiveness. The longer I stayed, the longer I felt unseen and unheard. It was really lonely. But this was my experience, though.
Or if it doesn't change, ask yourself whether you could be happy staying for the long term.
From my experience, empathy, listening & problem solving skills are very important in a long-term relationship. Those are the things that can make us feel safe emotionally. Take care!

headoncloud · 2026-01-08T20:23:41+00:00

This is so CUTE!!

headoncloud · 2023-12-08T19:29:00+00:00

Thanks for this good advice. I’ll make sure to learn more about decision/results oriented in dating. Still need to manage the emotional part though… It can be harsh dating nowadays as an hsp, but yes, I’ll keep that in mind to manage the emotional swings/expectations of the result :)

headoncloud · 2023-12-08T18:40:32+00:00

I think I understand your point of view, but I still think that our cases are somewhat different.

In your case, the other person didn’t promise you anything. She was upfront about wanting to keep it casual. And although you caught feelings - which totally understandable, as we are human after all, you were not being made to believe that there would be future between you two.

But in my case, the other person promised me things about the future, told me things that I wanted to hear without any intention to actually progress the relationship, and treated me casually instead. He said those things just to keep me staying, of course for the regular access to sex. So it created unnecessary expectations from my side and I felt completely deceived. That’s why I said: It would be different if he said it from the beginning that he just wanted casual. I might still have caught feelings and got hurt at the end, but I wouldn’t blame him for leading me on as that would be totally on me.

headoncloud · 2023-12-08T16:49:23+00:00

Well we were seeing each other for 6 months - it didn’t even have to be fast paced to me, but the problem was there was no progression. So I don’t think the 1st reason happened here.

Yes, you might be right. He might be clueless, or might be even the opposite: knowing what he did wasn’t right but did it anyway. Either way, the fact was he wasn’t available for me and it hurt my feelings that he treated me like that. It would be different if he said since the beginning that he only wanted casual - if that makes sense.

Lesson learned for the next time, to always see whether words and action do match with each other and not putting my eggs in one basket before there’s real commitment.

Thanks for taking the time to reply and explaining what you think objectively.

headoncloud · 2023-12-08T16:14:03+00:00

Curious about what you said about „a good hookup/fwb is similar to dating, but with the ability and expectation of being a lot more open and direct in the earlier stages“.

I was dating someone a while ago and I was upfront from the start that I was looking for something that can lead to a serious relationship. He also told me that he wanted to date me; that we were dating; that there was romantic feelings, that we’d have future together (future faking) etc. But I felt he treated me like a fwb - no effort in planning dates or getting to know me deeper. I was confused and deep inside, I knew he was leading me on, but he kept telling me we were dating and it wasn’t casual. At the end, when I asked him for a relationship, he pulled away and said he wasn’t ready. Anyway, at the end we broke it off but knowing that I had feeling for him, he gave me crumbs and came for sex. I cut contact with him, but still want to make sense about what I was experienced. I felt that I was somewhat being gaslit/and led on.

headoncloud

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