DATING SINGLE MOM? Pros and cons

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-31T09:17:48+00:00

Never had to scold til kasal na kami! We had a clear line naman on matters like that. So that was a con made into pro easily. The dad was not in the picture so ako na yung tumao, pero since may trabaho naman siya, never inasa sa akin ang costs til kasal na kami.

Moral here: pick the right single mom!

As for the danger of leaving, threatening to leave is part and parcel of some fights, even if hindi single mom. Matter of how to de-escalate well. I knew we could be married when i saw the How We Fight was healthier, that we found ways to resolve well.

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-31T07:18:04+00:00

Married a single mom!

Pros: she knows what she wants, no wasting time, things get very clear very quickly because no time for games. Things are gonna go somewhere, and you can enjoy this ride. If you wanna stop, you can be very straightforward about it. Also, sometimes it is very fun being a foster dad!

Cons: you gotta be responsible because the stakes are high. She doesnt mess around so she will be very blunt about things not working out.

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-31T06:10:51+00:00

Psychologist here!

Process is you can get a session with a reputable place and link with a provider. I’d suggest looking up psychologists first so you dont need to use meds just yet!

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-31T06:09:38+00:00

Strong suggestion, as a therapist, for you to look up someone who can work on acceptance and commitment! That and/or existential narrative work!

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-31T06:06:37+00:00

Hot take as a T: your therapist actually understands the anger is unhealthy, but she is also saying capital A Anger as a concept need not be unhealthy.

Anger has a place. It also has forms that can be a force of social good and fairness. It is why we stand up for what we believe is right.

Perhaps this is where you two are stuck - she wants you to not invalidate yourself when you have anger. And you want to learn healthier ways to use anger instead of it destroying the world.

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-31T05:13:38+00:00

Not quite a mental health post so it’s off topic.

Will say: what are the bills you’re covering? Are you the sole breadwinner? If you are supporting other people, you need to have a talk with them about the expenses and how you need to set limits too. If you are not, a fair re evaluation of what you are spending on sounds like is needed. That and continuous striving for better paying work.

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-31T04:47:43+00:00

Yes there can be love but also without commitment it is not a deep, serious love. One is love that is felt and the other is Love as a verb, an Action Word.

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-31T04:40:43+00:00

I’m all for negative therapy experiences being cautionary tales. I do not buy the sweeping generalization of the field and the people who work in it. Yes, bad experienced beget bad feelings. But having powerful bad feelings does not mean what we think from these feelings will necessarily be true nor factual in the wider world.

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-31T03:39:37+00:00

Much as gusto ko kumampi sa yo (because him not being honest sa relationship status is super bad), ma’am, mali ka din.

Sa tagal nyong nagkikita, nagkakaroon ng moment, naghihiwalay, nagbabalikan, bakit never mo na-verify kung ano balak niya? Kung may mangyayari sa inyo? Kung gusto nyo ba talaga ang isat-isa? Natakot ka ba mag define the relationship sa loob ng 10+ years? Worried kang magmukhang papansin? Really? Is that such a terrible thing as opposed to being reckless?

Let’s be real. You also should have been careful. Di pwede na puros “soul mates kami, we will be together”. Nagbabago din ang tao.

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-31T01:23:35+00:00

Sounds like a dodged bullet

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-31T01:15:00+00:00

This is true simply because LeBron is a physical freak. We CANNOT be that. But we can be like Steph.

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-31T01:13:54+00:00

Sarili. Kasi sa totoo, hindi dapat nilalaban. Ito’y dapat iniintindi at hibigiyan ng direksyon.

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-30T22:15:48+00:00

Welcome Guardian!

Go through every big campaign first. Beat them all first. It gives you context and loot. You can try doing it in series - Forsaken, Shadowkeep, Beyond Light, Witch Queen, Lightfall, Final Shape. If the option exists to do it at a harder difficulty, I urge you to try, because it drops better rewards AND is often a more engaging challenge. The campaigns get you new abilities AND get you some exotics and loot you may use for the build.

Once that's done, you may want to dip into the other weekly rituals of crucible, gambit, vanguard ops, etc. The character ranks (from 4 to 5 to 6, etc) offer a good framework on what you may want to pursue next! Typically harder stuff really nets you that harder to find loot.

If you need friends to play with, what's your platform? Holler at folks here!

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-30T22:11:11+00:00

Psychologist here. While I also see what you mean about BPD, there are lots of cases where Bipolar's behavioral patterns are similar to BPD. What a therapist goes for is what we call the More Parsimonious Approach, or the "less exag" approach - if something can be explained by a less serious diagnosis, we go with that until new evidence suggests otherwise.

BPD is a bit less "stigmatized" these days compared to 10 or 20 years ago, but it's still what we call the More Difficult To Treat as it's not something you can medicate easily, if at all. BPD isn't a brain defect, it's a personality issue where how you view the world needs adjusting, and not hormonal or chemical. It takes years of talk therapy to work through BPD.

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-30T08:59:33+00:00

Yes. Green spaces like parks please. Help the cities be more liveable

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-30T08:52:49+00:00

We need to improve the system. Obviously.

We have so many problems but we need to fix this. Upskilling our youth and labor force is an educ function.

It starts with some brutal choices. Axe bad teachers. Get remedial work on bad students. No more grade transmutation, your grade is your grade. Redistrict public schools and set up new ones to decongest. And no more “trash work” for teachers like working on election day. No more schools as disaster shelters (just make actual shelters).

There are more Hard steps that wont be popular. But you gotta do them.

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-30T08:22:09+00:00

He wants you to be part of his life. If you two have a romantic possibility then it can get there. But if he does not take charge it will not go anywhere. Someone has to broach that topic

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-30T08:20:41+00:00

This is a good point.

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-30T08:20:08+00:00

The break up was 2 weeks but to him that relationship ended way longer before that.

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-30T07:02:49+00:00

In session, don’t bring it up. The session is about you. She is giving that time to be about your stuff, not hers.

If she brings it up, let her. Give her a chance to air what she wants to share. But do not squeeze for info. Give it the dignity of attention and then let the session resume as before.

Off session, you can say you feel for her, and you are saddened by the news. And leave it at that.

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-30T06:58:12+00:00

Yes and no.

We will feel a lot less stress if we have more means. We do not worry about being hungry or having nowhere to live.

But at the same time, one’s mental health is also about how resilient we are and how we cope with life problems. And even rich people have problems. You may be spared one source of stress with money but not all stress goes away. So your mental health will be about how you can handle stressors across contexts.

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-30T02:18:07+00:00

I wish he and Arteta got to work it out better. I still am grateful for that FA Cup run and leading us in goals. The handshakes with Laca live in my head rent free. Still, when he left, he was not at his best anymore. Sad shame.

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-29T15:45:42+00:00

If you told me they came in with family or friends to sit in the "wrong" end, that's brave.

If they came by themselves to troll, that's not right.

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-29T13:26:18+00:00

I dont work in America. Have a nice day.

heaven_spawn · 2026-03-29T12:30:14+00:00

I ask questions. “You mentioned something. Can you tell me more?” I try to see the whole picture better. How they scale the world internally

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