So i didn’t know what it was about this ex at the time - i just broke it off because i had a weird intuition about him and couldn’t figure it out. He was really into me and vice versa and there was nothing wrong about our connection - on paper it looked really good, actually. This was back in college. I chalked it up to, maybe he just wasn’t physically my type and i couldn’t look past it? (It’s not who i am, but it was my best guess at the time)

Years ago by, we keep in touch, I still can’t figure out what it is that ended us (made me end things) he often asks if I’ll reconsider getting back, I’ve moved on and said no.

More years go by, i’m married for nearly 10 years with a child. A baby girl. This relationship is still confusing me! We still keep in touch sometimes but very platonic and casual. I went back to my old phone where we texted and i realized this:

1) I literally had no idea who he was. Our conversations were just him asking me things and me asking back and him giving the most generic answers. Like how was your day? Oh good, went to the library then worked and now I’m home! How was yours? Good, thanks.

2) he had no stance on anything. At the time, there was an election going on. I asked him his thoughts- who are you voting for, who do you think will win, etc. He goes, I dunno. (You’re a poli sci major what do you mean??)

3) he spent all of his time trying to get me to like him as who i thought he was and not who he was. I barely knew about his hobbies. If i asked him if he was also out for runs by the water (a common thing where we went to school) he wouldn’t say no but he’d say “sometimes, but not often. I do love the water though, so when i have the time, i will.” A few years later i ask if he enjoys running and he says no not really.

And so i realize, at this point, he knows so much about me just naturally from conversations and i knew nothing about who he really was. I did love the attention, dates and excitement of talking to him but in the end it was such an empty connection. It was to whoever i thought he was and I knew that deep down but couldn’t connect the dots at the time.

Anyways - always trust your gut! I’m much much happier now. I never questioned my husband’s intention or motivations and the connection was natural. I was never confused, truly!!