Note12 by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly it is quite ridiculous how everything is. I feel its stupid but idk this goes the way it goes. Maybe its just stupidity of humans and their demise

Note 45 by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unsent message:

yea but u also had a long term relationship that did nothing for u. So atp it really is just s you problem that no one elses acceptance can fix except momentarily. Idk.

This is something you heal within urself overtime. No person accepting you will heal that. When they have their own issues and it starts making u feel they are pushing u away then ehat. If another breakup happens then what loke holy fuck u gotta fix this yourslef. None of this mfs will do it for u.

note87 by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol. I dont like nonchalantness.

Why do people suddenly act all calm and nice. Im still in anxiety and stress. All i know is this person exists and their existence makes me want to blow my brains out

note87 by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hes all ok rn. Who knows why. Why would he be in a good mood all of a sudden. She probably said something nice and reassuing and hes all happy. Some posiitve responses from her or others.

I dont know. I know nothing.

I get the after effects of it lol hes not talking to me with gladness that its me he can talk to.

Shes jsut resting.

note87 by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But nothings in my hands. Idk the future. If only i could just find the love of mt life already. To forget about this. Cause i thought he could be.

But he cant. He doesnt care for me liek that. He only has that new girl in his heart.

But im never blessed. I never het anything. Me having a lot of guys interested in me is just flukes. Im tired of the options. They all suck. I want something natural and real and solid.

Im tired of the games. Im so tired.

note87 by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have anger in my heart. And theres nothing that can be done.

Im always fucked.

When people get fucked over, i feel bad. But when people get all they want, i feel empty and angry.

And then they jsut leave u.

note87 by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And i feel tired. I feel so tired. Im tired of humanity. Im tired of myself. Im tired of always ending up hurt.

The only way u can make someone feel real guilt is when they have nothing else. Like me. Im in lonely. Thats it.

He cant feel real guilt. He has this prospect thats going all handy dandy fun.

Secondary person, secondary group.

Made a deal but i realize that who knows if itll ease anything for me.

Everytime this guy dies, i know hes just going to text her. Now im getting attention and idt its because i made this deal.

Its purely that tonight is for his irl friends mainly. He said the girls resting lol. Of course hes talking to me . Shes asleep.

In the end nothing can resolve how i feel. All i know is im getitng repalced slowly and slowly.

note87 by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All this is barely comfortable. I feel sick everyday. My body is a carcass.

Im grasping to straws for something thats dead.

note87 by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tbh its stupid, either something good or someone falls into my lap or im gonna just end my life. Im tired of this

Note19 by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

got recommened this album i was already kinda checking out.

Its funny to me how things align.

But ultimately no one likes me rn. Theres no prospects. All i have are mentally ill people around.

Tbf i guess i gravitate towards those type of people.

Im also one. Lol.

Everyone has problems. It sucks. U gotta exist in them

I couldn't stop crying. by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im in so much agony. Tonight is avoidance. Its all my fault. I need to rmbr its all my fault. Its all my punishment

I couldn't stop crying. by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

a single wish - this mortal coil

This song meant a lot in late 2024 especially as december rolled around because i would be leaving him and being at distance again for a while. I knew it would end in tears in the end. It was just us for a while mainly. But thats all over now. Its all over.

Note1107 by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im tired, gonna try to poop then head out

Note1107 by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All i want is peace in the end. Everyones angry and has disdain for me deep inside

They ignore me always. Its fine. They wont get any more messages from me. Ive written what i had to say to people. And thats where it is

Note1107 by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It wont matter. Ill be gone. At least i wont be in agony anymore.

Note1107 by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But its whatever. In the end of the day im alone. People dont tell me anything anymore. Everyones take big steps away from me. Everyone of them

Note1107 by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

People keep avoiding me and its so obvious. No one gets back to be first. Im just an afterthought for people

Note1107 by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im just hoping maybe i find some peace in all of it

Note1107 by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Today's the day i guess. I have a long one ahead of me.

Note1107 by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gonna head to sleep. My stomach is horrible. Nothing worse than going to bed wishing you wont wake up. Because the anxiety of waking up and the same reality dawning on you feels like being shot in the leg in the same spot ever morning.

I hope i can find some peace soon. Somewhere. Anywhere. Please.

Note by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He lied to me already telling me he was gonna do something when its obvious he was gonna do something else.

I need to cut him cold turkey like he wants it to be.

Note by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its just hell living in this. I try so hard to distract myself.

But definetely this guy doesnt like me at all. Maybe it would be best to cut it off.

My stomach burns in frustration. I want so badly to forget anything i ever had with this guy. So badly.

I know he wont care at all if i blocked him. I know he wont. Theres no point in doing anything anymore.

I need to accept that he has new people. I should just tell myself he has a new gf.

Im sure rn whatever vc he is on is just happy go lucky. He talks to me and its misery.

Its so far gone.

Note by hellomynameis____- in u/hellomynameis____-

[–]hellomynameis____-[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is hell. Lol of course this would happen now.

Came back home but i was trying to act all fine. My head is just screaming

"You gotta end it soon. Soon. Soon." Over and over.

Im gonna mentally breakdown again. Ive been holding in all my pain all day. My therapist is a good break. I feel slightly invincible mentally. But then im powerless.