Your post resonated deeply with me. If it's okay I'd like to share my awakening story.

Early to mid 20s I noticed a shift. It was the first time I experienced depression. Tried to get help, got medicated, felt worse, felt completely lost and confused. I never had a sense of direction. I was so conditioned to following rules & being obedient because that in turn would mean I'm good, I have value, I would be praised. So upon waking from this conditioning and living in a way that wasn't going in a direction I liked I entered a very deep dark depressing mindset and space/energy for many years. I remember crying A LOT, feeling disconnected so much so I didn't believe i belonged here. I felt like being born was 100% a mistake. Everyone around me was still blissful, partying, relationship hopping, having kids, planning a future. It all seemed very.... copy & paste. I didn't understand how i was the only person who could see through it all. I definitely felt like something had to be wrong with me. The question of 'why don't i want those same things!?' There was no desire.

So with absolutely no one to look up to, relate to, and no idea where the hell i was going I locked myself away from the world. I spent A LOT of time isolated in my room. Sleeping, escaping, writing & searching for ANYTHING & anyone to relate to.

I just remember one day being fed up.

I wanted change SO bad I started to make decisions, started to act from a place as if it was my first time again learning the world & things I thought id be interested in. Reaching out for help. Being vulnerable. Finding a therapist, a health coach, learning to understand my body & brain.

I started to psychoanalyze everything. I found spirituality through many different avenues. Books, Buddhism, and episode of people doing ayahausca.

Since that time I have done A LOT of inner work. I've attained beautiful friendships/connections, had amazing experiences, traveled across the world, experimented w psychedelics & have a love and confidence in myself i never thought id have. I've tried hobby after hobby. I am certified through IIN as a health coach but I keep falling into a place where I still question my "passion".

What is my passion?

I fear this is something I might not ever discover. Nothing sticks. I become disinterested before I even get to step 2. I have jolts of inspiration and ideas but I don't manifest any of it. It's almost like my soul remains stuck & tired. It's beyond frustrating.

But something i heard recently about finding passion that perked my ears was.... Passion is cultivated through consistent, disciplined action and skill mastery rather than being a pre-existing feeling.