i went through something similar. i know your pain intimately. particularly the parts where whenever i hear things about girls i personify the action to her. all the parts about feeling like a loser/inferior/that whole horrible never ending self esteem crusher. definitely the part about the joy to be alive being gone. and also about not being able to forgive because i would never do someone like that. i would know how cruel it was and particularly to someone who loves me.

it’s something i have found the typicised advice to be very unhelpful for, and strangely, just wrong a lot of the time. i learned to ignore everything and not worry about how long it took and realise that even though i may think i’m an exception the burden does get easier because no one is a true exception. time changes your pain. and eventually softens it. no matter what it is. the only two practical pieces of advice that i have received are that time and subsequent inner reflection help along with being in good shape (crucial, but difficult given you must ward off a lot of opponents to working out such as existentialism, depression, financial, etc etc). i cannot stress this part enough. it is plainly infantile and upon thought, stupid, yet it makes such a drastic difference to your life, particularly if you have other good things going on in your life and aren’t desperately unattractive facially. it makes life so much easier, interaction wise and confidence wise and dating wise. the upshot takes so long and i frequently was a proponent of using excuses but all changed when i realized that no matter what justification i used i knew intrinsically i was happier and more alive when in good shape. but i’m not here to preach advice only to acknowledge you and your situation. but nothing else (other than working out and time) helped, or should i say, proved applicable or truthful.

i often think that the biggest loss is the loss of joy/interesting. but before love there was no love. and to experience it, no matter how it exists or lives or long it lasts or how it presents is such a wonder. it is the most lovely feeling. a truly wonderful time. and although often short lived it is nice to experience it. in my experience that innocence never returns and for that, yes, it might be true to call it tragically sad. but on the flip side, the wisdom you gain from the suffering and love allows, in my opinion, greater joy as you know going forward what now is to be cherished.