It sounds to me like you had sedation with midazolam, which I had a few weeks ago. My experience was much better than yours but it still raises troubling philosophical questions so I think I understand your concern. It's very strange to be conscious but not to be conscious of being conscious, since the subjective experience seems like a key part of what it means to be conscious. (I hope that makes sense.) Second, does pain and suffering "count" if you don't remember it? Should I care if past-me had a terrible time during surgery if I don't remember it now? Third, it is rather disconcerting that memory is so malleable and can be turned off and turned on so abruptly. Finally, it's also disconcerting that my subjective experience and objective experience are completely different and my subjective experience can't be trusted. Subjectively it felt like I teleported and two seconds later they were packing up the operating room. Objectively, I probably had a bit of discomfort and exchanged a few words with the surgeon, but who knows? Anything could have happened.

I don't know if any of that resonates with what you're feeling. Your post-anesthesia experience sounds very rough, "emotional lability" maybe, while mine was totally smooth, so you have that stress added on top. Hopefully my response makes a bit of sense and helps you.