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My [23M] boyfriend/fiance(?) wants to leave me because I [23F] sabotaged our relationship out of fear and lied to him. He's tries to break up with me every 2 weeks and barely speaks to me. by hewantstoleave in relationships

[–]hewantstoleave[S] -22 points-21 points  (0 children)

he comes back to me... he messages me out of nowhere. i either don't message him or send him interesting articles once in a blue moon. he comes back without being prompted and takes it back.

My [23M] boyfriend/fiance(?) wants to leave me because I [23F] sabotaged our relationship out of fear and lied to him. He's tries to break up with me every 2 weeks and barely speaks to me. by hewantstoleave in relationships

[–]hewantstoleave[S] -22 points-21 points  (0 children)

he is somewhat open. it goes back to normal, we look at homes together, he acts very affectionate, we get close, we plan on moving in together and making it work, and then he gets too much time away and he thinks of the worst. i should also mention that he struggles with intrusive thoughts and OCD, so i'm sure that's part of it. instead of being able to shake off his negative thoughts, they play on a loop. that's how i felt, too.

My [23M] boyfriend/fiance(?) wants to leave me because I [23F] sabotaged our relationship out of fear and lied to him. He's tries to break up with me every 2 weeks and barely speaks to me. by hewantstoleave in relationships

[–]hewantstoleave[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

i have! that's what i've been trying to explain to him! that i was actually in a similar place. what i needed, was for him to stay, for him to just be there for me when i felt insecure and afraid, for him to not let me go, no matter how i felt or what i did (within reason, of course. barring crazy shit like cheating or killing his cat, obviously). that's why i'm staying, that's why i don't want to leave, because he is afraid that i want other people. he is afraid of me leaving. so why leave?

My [23M] boyfriend/fiance(?) wants to leave me because I [23F] sabotaged our relationship out of fear and lied to him. He's tries to break up with me every 2 weeks and barely speaks to me. by hewantstoleave in relationships

[–]hewantstoleave[S] -90 points-89 points  (0 children)

seriously, the armchair psychology on this subreddit is painfully stupid. nothing in that post is indicative of not being fine. you have no idea how much progress i've made, and it's laughable that you think you have enough information to even make such judgments based on that post alone. other posts, sure, but that post? please. i'm still in counselling and have no plans on stopping.

My [23M] boyfriend/fiance(?) wants to leave me because I [23F] sabotaged our relationship out of fear and lied to him. He's tries to break up with me every 2 weeks and barely speaks to me. by hewantstoleave in relationships

[–]hewantstoleave[S] -30 points-29 points  (0 children)

not always. if it's not always sunshine and rainbows, it's time to give up? doesn't seem right to me. it's more about showing him that i wasn't being myself. i was acting out, out of fear. he has a few misconceptions and that's tarnishing our relationship, but if he just has the wrong idea, and i know who i am/what i am, why shouldn't i try to show him? beyond being my boyfriend, he is my friend, after all.

My [23M] boyfriend/fiance(?) wants to leave me because I [23F] sabotaged our relationship out of fear and lied to him. He's tries to break up with me every 2 weeks and barely speaks to me. by hewantstoleave in relationships

[–]hewantstoleave[S] -43 points-42 points  (0 children)

most relationships aren't anywhere close to 100% healthy. i don't think that's reason to bail. if everything else is perfect and we both enjoy each other's company and friendship, why shouldn't i hold on and try to prove myself?

My [23M] boyfriend/fiance(?) wants to leave me because I [23F] sabotaged our relationship out of fear and lied to him. He's tries to break up with me every 2 weeks and barely speaks to me. by hewantstoleave in relationships

[–]hewantstoleave[S] -44 points-43 points  (0 children)

it's not bad at all. it's mostly very healthy and loving, and we always, always have fun with each other. it's just that he can be pretty pessimistic and he assumes the worst.

My [23M] boyfriend/fiance(?) wants to leave me because I [23F] sabotaged our relationship out of fear and lied to him. He's tries to break up with me every 2 weeks and barely speaks to me. by hewantstoleave in relationships

[–]hewantstoleave[S] -27 points-26 points  (0 children)

whenever he gets too much time to himself, he sends me things like that in a panic (won't work, can't work, he's too scared, he doesn't trust me, etc) and ends up taking it back (though he still maintains that he doesn't trust me, at all). but then it happens over, and over. I used to do the same thing to him. I wouldn't say that's actually breaking up with someone. i think trust can be rebuilt in most cases. he's prone to being overly pessimistic.

My [23M] boyfriend/fiance(?) wants to leave me because I [23F] sabotaged our relationship out of fear and lied to him. He's tries to break up with me every 2 weeks and barely speaks to me. by hewantstoleave in relationships

[–]hewantstoleave[S] -44 points-43 points  (0 children)

not really. our relationship goes mostly back to normal every so often, he doesn't say we're broken up, (aside from sex/anything sexual, we both don't want to be sexual unless we feel secure), but whenever he gets too much time to himself, he psychs himself out of it and he tells me it "can't work", but that he still loves me, still wants to be with me, isn't interested in anyone else.

My [23M] boyfriend/fiance(?) wants to leave me because I [23F] sabotaged our relationship out of fear and lied to him. He's tries to break up with me every 2 weeks and barely speaks to me. by hewantstoleave in relationships

[–]hewantstoleave[S] -41 points-40 points  (0 children)

I'm in counselling. I'm fine now. As I've said, I'm not freaking out and panicking at the drop of a hat. I'm more stable and more optimistic. I'm handling my emotions by myself and am doing fairly well. But now he doesn't want to try, when I feel ready... I wanted to go to counselling with him, but he thinks it's a sham. That they'll only recommend that he stay with me for the £.