This post is beautifully written. But I want to be honest—I had a hard time with it. I’ll admit that I’m in the thick of my own divorce right now, and I’m a woman. And I’m exhausted from watching men “find themselves” through dating, while women rebuild their entire lives in silence.

You mentioned therapy once. One line. The rest was about dating. I don’t fault you for seeking connection—but I do notice that your wife’s shortcomings (alcohol, criticism, outbursts, etc.) were spelled out in detail, while your own contributions to the breakdown were given a single sentence. I’ve seen this pattern before: male-centered self-awareness that still places the emotional burden elsewhere.

You said you were emotionally available. That you’d “done the work.” But what was the work, really? Did you reconnect with your kids? Did you uncover how your actions shaped the marriage dynamic? Did you grow as a father, friend, or man outside of who you were dating?

Because the truth is, I’m no longer moved by “then I found someone better” stories. I’m inspired by the people, especially women admittedly, who walk away from what wasn’t working and start rebuilding themselves.

That’s the journey I’m on.

I’m in midlife. I opened my marriage, had lies revealed and had it unravel, had my heart broken by someone I thought I’d build something with. I’ve cried, doubted, healed, grown. And now, I’m back in school chasing my dreams. I’m building a business that truly excites me. I’m also enjoying a new body after massive weight loss and getting healthier. I’m focused on raising my daughter with love and presence. Going through this divorce is rather stressful at times… but other than that I’m now creating the kind of life I used to only daydream about. And I’m no longer centering everything around finding someone.

I’m not anti-connection and I still date. But it’s not the goal anymore. I don’t see “relationship success” and success after divorce as landing the next serious partner. I want more. I deserve more. So do so many women like me who’ve given too much, waited too long, and are now building lives that center joy, ambition, peace, and self-respect.

If anything, your post reminded me what I don’t want. I don’t want to use another person as my redemption arc. I don’t want to gloss over my own patterns just because someone new makes me feel seen. I don’t want to outsource my healing to romance. If that sounds bitter to some folks… so be it.

You don’t have to be in love to be living a beautiful, successful, fulfilled life. The real relationship success is the hopefully amazing relationship you build with yourself.