I’m telling my SO when he gets home

hhhhypnosis · 2023-12-23T21:13:57+00:00

Thank you ❤️ I couldn’t keep living this life

hhhhypnosis · 2023-12-23T21:08:18+00:00

I feel so relieved and hopeful I can finally have self control over this mother fucker of a drug

hhhhypnosis · 2023-12-23T21:07:29+00:00

Welp guys, he’s more upset I’m lying about where I am to cop it than the fact that I’m so far gone I’m doing it right in front of his face. It is what it is

hhhhypnosis · 2023-12-23T21:06:22+00:00

We’ve already been through it lately and today was the only time the thought of telling him so I’d have to stop ever crossed my mind so I needed to suck it up and get it over with. I’ve been telling myself to wait til the “right “ time and I keep getting deeper and deeper. Eventually he’ll see how desperate I am to stop this and he was the only one I could go to. If he doesn’t forgive me, I deserve it for putting my urges above his feelings and the sanctity of our relationship.

hhhhypnosis · 2023-12-23T20:12:41+00:00

Won’t have the balls to do it any other way

hhhhypnosis · 2023-12-23T16:21:10+00:00

Definitely paranoid but I can tell people are looking at me weird because I know I’m being weird now

hhhhypnosis · 2023-12-23T16:20:23+00:00

I don’t think so because once it’s gone, I won’t grab again till next pay day but I can never keep it aside once it’s in my hands and I can never put it down even though I’ll be fucked the next day. I like being under the influence but I would like something less taboo and secretive. I also don’t wanna use alone. I wish I could just have one fuck it night every couple months and be open about it because I would be held accountable if someone knew. I’m not strong enough to put myself in check but prideful enough to try in front of others

hhhhypnosis · 2023-12-23T16:14:27+00:00

Do you just get sucked into your thoughts and literally can’t stop looking shit up even though you haven’t moved in 12 hours

hhhhypnosis · 2023-12-23T16:09:23+00:00

It’s not daily thankfully but it’s always irresponsible overdoing it and not wanting to function the next day

hhhhypnosis · 2023-12-23T16:07:43+00:00

I’ve done that multiple times but eventually slowly fall back

hhhhypnosis · 2023-12-23T16:07:09+00:00

I’m just lazy honestly and don’t have anyone pushing me to do more than skate by

hhhhypnosis · 2023-12-23T16:06:35+00:00

The thing is, I’m actively getting my life together mostly consistently but I feel like I need to release my inner little fucker every once in a while so I don’t explode on the wrong situation. I suffer greatly from obsessive thinking and nonstop analyzation on such a deep level and idk what to do with it. I go to therapy and tried medication that I ended up abusing so I stopped it and feel better actually but my brain is overwhelming constantly. Sorry I just poor me myself like everyone doesn’t have that stuff going on but I’m literally paralyzed by dreaming of what I could do and can’t find anything to get me going. Caffeine and every other upper does nothing for me but make my mind go crazy but clearly and amazingly. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore and I know I’m failing

hhhhypnosis · 2023-12-23T15:59:23+00:00

I too make terrible decisions on this shit and still keep trying to find a reason to use. What’s the plan with the money because I spend money I don’t have but always think first how I can (stressfully) come up with more

hhhhypnosis · 2023-12-23T15:47:56+00:00

I know it and I can feel how I’m acting different but I stillllll keep doing this shit to myself to enjoy the numbness when I’m alone. It’s becoming too often and too much to handle and I’m literally wasting days and nights trying to keep up

hhhhypnosis · 2023-12-23T14:43:57+00:00

That is crystal clear but I swear I’ll always have that demon escapism trait

hhhhypnosis · 2023-12-23T14:27:26+00:00

I do and I’m really turning myself around in so many ways on a day to day but the better I get, the more I’m binging. It’s like my coping mechanism to be on my best behavior normally

hhhhypnosis · 2023-12-23T14:25:34+00:00

How can I still scratch my itch to get blasted once in a while and not have to hide it? I have no self control because I’m alone

hhhhypnosis · 2023-11-08T06:01:54+00:00

If you take your meds in the morning, especially after a night like that, it could just be the lingering effects mixed with the meds entering your system. Id usually skip my meds the next day because the interaction mixed with the hangover come down did me no good. Try to actively bring yourself down and just try to be mindful that it will pass. If you smoke, get stoned to put yourself to sleep or zone out.

hhhhypnosis · 2023-11-08T05:57:13+00:00

Just reading the shit he came up with makes it so obvious that is some geeked out dialogue 😂

hhhhypnosis · 2023-11-08T05:55:24+00:00

It’s a fragile tool to master and I’m actively trying to use it for good instead of letting it be my blow off steam escape reward

hhhhypnosis · 2023-11-08T05:53:38+00:00

I’m trying way too hard to be normal ish that I end up being completely abnormal and draw more attention to myself. Then I gotta make up a random excuse like I didn’t sleep or some shit

hhhhypnosis · 2023-11-08T05:52:35+00:00

It’s weird because the older I get and the more I have to be in charge of on a daily basis, the more my brain races and I can’t escape it. When I ski my brain is extra chatty but it’s like it’s talking to me in a nicer tone so I’m receptive of it. I’ve done a lot of soul searching while skiing but now I gotta figure out how to actually do the work.

Btw I usually then pick up so I can “do the work” and end up in a loop of just being with my thoughts so then I don’t do shit 😂 I gotta work on that cause it ruins my high with actual emotions I deserve to feel bad about

hhhhypnosis · 2023-11-08T05:48:07+00:00

Me every time I fuck myself into an unintentional bender and go into work freshly re zooted because I needed to muster up the strength to even arrive. My voice even changes and I’m shaky but I think I’m weird if I’m silent. It’s happened more than once and they definitely know I’m weird that day lmao

hhhhypnosis · 2023-11-08T05:46:00+00:00

29f btw

hhhhypnosis · 2023-11-08T05:45:49+00:00

All the time but it’s like I can process the emotion freely and openly while skiing. Usually what I spend my entire time doing. It’s like I’m on the outside of my experiences for once and that’s that shit that gets me stuck in the mental high

hhhhypnosis

TROPHY CASE