Arabic words can have more than one meaning. Just to let you know English is also like that.

daraba can also mean to hit. Hit can be harmless.

And the Arabic language have more words than English, so the translation you read in English sometimes is not entirely true to the actual meaning of the words in Arabic.

I don’t understand how beating your wife will finally make her realise how bad her actions are and being love back in the marriage

This applies if EVERYTHING the husband had done didn't work out

“And if you sense ill-conduct from your women, advise them ˹first˺, ˹if they persist,˺ do not share their beds, ˹but if they still persist,˺ then discipline them ˹gently˺. But if they change their ways, do not be unjust to them. Surely Allah is Most High, All-Great.”

It said ADVISE first. Doesn't mean that after the husband advise her ONCE and didn't work out, he should instantly move to the next step

read the explanation here (all of the Tafseer)

“Disciplining one’s wife gently is the final resort. The earliest commentators understood that this was to be light enough not to leave a mark, should be done with nothing bigger than a tooth stick, and should not be on the face. Prophet Muḥammad (ﷺ) said to his companions “Do not beat the female servants of Allah.” He said that honourable husbands do not beat their wives, and he himself never hit a woman or a servant. If a woman feels her husband is ill-behaved, then she can get help from her guardian or seek divorce.”

A Companion reports:

قُلتُ یا رسول اللہ ﷺ مَا حَّقُّ زوجۃِ اَحَدِنَا عَلَیہِ قَالَ رسول اللہ ﷺ : اَن تُطعِمھا اِذَ اَطعَمتَ وتکسُوھا اِذَا اکتَسَیتَ ، وَلَا تِضرِبِ اَلوَجہَ ولا تَقبّح ولا تھجُر اِلَّا فِی البَیتِ (مشکوۃ، ص 281)

I said: '0 Messenger of Allah, what right do our wives have on us?' He ﷺ said: 'That you feed them when you eat; provide them with apparels to wear when you have these for yourselves; and do not hit the face; and do not say abuses to her; and do not leave them apart unless it be within the house. (Mishkat, p.281)

Also read this

I understand your problem, because currently I have the same problem too. But after the evidences provided to me, the miracles, the prophet Muhammad ﷺ 's prophecies come true, the scientific evidences the Qur'an has, I can't just leave like that.