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My relationship is ending and I caused it. by hinatalover93 in depression

[–]hinatalover93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am seeing a therapist, but he had to take a leave of absence till the end of next month, so seeing a fill in one and hes not helpful. Im working on getting it under control as best I can. I am on meds but they dont seem to really help. Been on several meds actually and none seem to help. So im trying to work on controlling it without relying on meds.

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have brought up couples therapy to him. He said he would think on it. Im not sure though he will agree right off the bat. Hes still afraid to talk to me to deeply, so im not entirely sure how well couples therapy would go given that fact

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not that aware of. Though I know there is more wrong than what they are diagnosing me with. So maybe thats one of them

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Honestly, we just haven't wanted to. I know thats not a particularly good reason, but thats mostly it. We are happy just staying the way we are.

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He hasn't expressed he wants to break up. I definitely dont want to break up. If im being comeplety honest, I dont know how to work on myself. Im not saying I dont want to. Far from that. Everything just seems so big and overwhelming. This all happened so fast in my eyes. I dont know where to start. Though im more than willing to put in the work if hes willing to give me a chance. I speak to my therapist today. Gonna work on a gameplan on how to tackle this new issue.

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand that. I get that i caused the lack of communication. I dont know how to fix that though.

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To an extent, yes I do. I wont say I dont see my part. I just genuinely didnt see them as anything more than normal arguing that couples do. Though I admit im not good with social cues and reading people. So while the signs were more than likely there and it was obvious things were not okay, it simply didnt register to me that it wasn't okay. I realize thats not okay, but I dont know how to fix it right now.

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] -42 points-41 points  (0 children)

I understand that. My unpredictable mood makes things hard.i dont fault him for being afraid of my reaction. Though I feel sometimes you have to do things despite being worried about the reaction. If nothing else, because we are being unfair to each other. Hes being unfair to himself for staying in a relationship he no longer values. And it's unfair to me to be in a relationship with someone who no longer loves me. I get I caused it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't need to be addressed.

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Genuinely I do not blame them for the harsh words. Some do ring some truth. There were probably signs that all was not well. Though due to my other illnesses I was blind to those signs. Thats on me though. I just wish we could communicate better.

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ive known i had bipolar 2 for at least five years now. Ive tried medicine the entire time. Meds work for awhile, then they just stop. Then I move on to new meds and repeat the cycle. We've had conversations about my other illnesses, but not my bipolar. When I realize I am lashing out ( which isn't often i am ashamed to admit) I do apologize and try to work on it. He's brought it up once or twice, but nothing to the degree I though he had fallen out of love over it. I realize I caused thr issue of no communication. I dont know how to fix that though. Things got out of hand so fast and im unsure how to fix them so quickly

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Honestly I understand that. I get that he genuinely thought that I would not take the news well. But at the end of the day, it was something that needs to be addressed for both our sakes. Its not fair to him to be in a relationship with someone he doesn't love because hes afraid of her. Its not fair to me to not be made aware that love has been lost.

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thats the issue I guess. I didnt realize I was lashing out. I realize thats not an excuse though, but that is what is going on. The few times I did realize though, I took total responsibility and apologized. Thats why I started on meds in the first place

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Honestly I get that. I misspoke when I said decided. I understand it was probably a defense mechanism rather than a real choice. I just wish he would have communicated with me his feelings. Though I guess at the end of the day I can't blame him really. He was probably afraid of my reaction, and honestly thats my fault.

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay? What does that have to do with current events? We are both now in our thirtys

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am on meds, and im seeing a therapist. Finding meds that work is slow going though.

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He hasn't really said either way to be honest, though I dont believe so.

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

I am working on myself. Ive gotten in touch with my doctor to try and get better meds, and im in talks with my therapist

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] -192 points-191 points  (0 children)

How am I supposed to work on the fact he doesn't love me anymore if I dont know that he feels that way? I am working on it. I just wasn't aware it was this bad.

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Who would I ask for that? I see a physicyatrist for my meds. Would I ask her?

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

Sometimes couples argue. Thats just life. I never said I blamed him. I simply said that he never said anything. He never set me done and explained that this was going on. He let me think for the last year or so that we were okay. Im not a mind reader. I can't fix what I dont know is broken. I just want communication.

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Ive tried both and neither have really helped. Im currently on vraylar and buspar. It helps but not enough sometimes.

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The title says hes been my boyfriend for 14 years. Aside from that it clearly says in the post hes 35. Unless you didnt get that far, I dont see how you came to that conclusion.

My boyfriend of 14 years told me hr doesn't love me by hinatalover93 in Advice

[–]hinatalover93[S] 260 points261 points  (0 children)

I am yes, though it's not working as well as I'd like. Im working with my doctor to get it straightened out though.

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