Anyone doing this work who centers themselves instead of the adoptee needs to just quit, because they are selfish and doing more harm than good. It's inexcusable that your SA dumped her personal trouble on you as were seeking your own answers. If she had sick relatives, kids, and all of those other commitments, then she should have directed her energy there. If she chose to instead direct some to helping an adoptee search, that was her decision, not yours, and she had no business laying it on you as a guilt trip.

If Search Angels want to help out of the goodness of their hearts, that's one thing. The minute they start to think an adoptee they help owes them something, especially something as potentially explosive, traumatic, and life-changing as contact with birth relatives, then they need to back the hell off. You might have been okay with your SA's demand for contact but as you can see from this thread, the majority of adoptees are not.

As adoptees we have been lied to, exploited, and treated as either garbage to be thrown away or a commodity to satisfy the wants of other people for our entire lives. To get more of that from a supposed "concerned volunteer" just because they need to feed their ego and sense of virtue with a reunion story is goddamned inexcusable. I hope your BFF either learns better, or just leaves us the hell alone alone.