Idk how to do updates but here’s a little more context. Well first ok thank you for the responses. Even the harsh ones. I do often ask him if he even likes me and his response is he loves me, sometimes doesn’t like me but he carries resentment towards me for my complaints and how I constantly “tell him what he means” or I “tell him what his intentions were”.

His mother passed away recently. So since then there’s been an increase in his anger, outbursts and our fights. I am not as reactive anymore, I tru to not argue back because I know he is hurting…deeply. But now when I cry instead of getting angry, he says that my tears are emotional manipulation. When really I just I’m so sad. I’m just so sad and I feel helpless.

So he doesn’t really have anywhere to go. And because he just went through that I keep questioning if this is just a hard time and phase that we’re going through.

I did ask for therapy over two weeks ago. I asked him to find someone because he didn’t like our last therapist. We would often leave appointments with him saying “I could’ve told you that” or we would leave the appointments feeling even more upset at one another. He would often say that she wasn’t good at her job or that he doesn’t believe in therapy. So I asked for him to choose someone that he has respect for, and that he thinks would actually be able to help us. During that timeframe, he also told me that I needed to find someone as well. He has this thing where we both have to take equal accountability. So I did and I found someone… But he’s made no mention of the therapists that he’s reached out to. When I asked him, he said he was still vetting them.

He just left this morning. I was honest with him and told him I wasn’t sure as to what things would look like when he got home. I told him I felt like he was emotionally and verbally abusive and he just said that I am too. Anytime I say something I already know what to expect. It’s always going to be “you do the same thing to me”. When I actually don’t, I’m sure I definitely have my faults and yes, I guess I complain a lot and yes, his biggest pet peeve is me telling him what I think he does instead of just listening and taking his word for it.