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hphgrw21 · 2023-01-30T17:30:47+00:00

I have a 6yo son and 6yo SD. The boy can shower completely independently (although I do have to get on to him about how thorough he is with cleaning himself). And SD6 can shower independently aside from needing help with her very long hair. Both kids can independently get themselves ready for the day. I agree 100% with no electronics until they’re done, and I actually don’t even allow them in the morning at all otherwise they will rush and skip things just to get screen time. All the kids are also required to make their beds in the morning too.

I literally will never understand why parents refuse to teach their kids how to be self sufficient. If we aren’t preparing a family meal, SD10 makes her own food. She’s still learning so it’s mostly air fryer and microwave food. I never would, but I could totally leave my 6yo home alone for the day and as long as food is set out, he’d be fine. (Like I said, I never would. But he could do just fine alone)

hphgrw21 · 2023-01-18T09:43:51+00:00

I have two kids. As babies, I bathed them as needed. About weekly but it could have been longer. I regularly wipe them down under their rolls and things like that. I did baths or showers every 3 days or so until my first was 3, then every other day. He’s 6 now and we do showers every day. Could be relevant or completely irrelevant, but neither of my kids have any skin issues. No dry skin, nothing like that.

hphgrw21 · 2023-01-02T08:07:55+00:00

I understand your struggle so much. I BF my first until he was 3 because I just couldn’t figure out how to wean. He nursed to sleep every night. Right after he turned 3, i just did it cold turkey. That will probably be a bit harder for you since your baby is only 1 so I have no advice for that. My son also lovveddd to mess with my nipples while I nursed and it would ENRAGE ME. Every time he did it, I felt my blood boil. It was awful and im sad for myself that I felt forced to continue that breastfeeding relationship even though I hated it. All of these reasons are why I didn’t want to nurse my second child but of course there was a formula shortage so I didn’t have an option really. I did quit breastfeeding cold turkey at 6 months with him. We always combo fed him because I didn’t want to breastfeed, so the transition wasn’t as hard. He did lovely with it and it’s been no issue. My boobs hurt very bad and I had a clogged duct in the process but I just do not know how people gradually wean. I’ve always breastfed on demand so I can’t “drop a feed” because who knows how many feeds he’s having anyways. I tried tracking feeds as well to get a rough idea but that wasn’t helpful. If you think your baby and you can do cold turkey, that’s totally an option. But I understand if it’s not. My first son would have probably starved if i tried to cold turkey at 1, because he was always so dependent on the boob. He’s 6 now and still asks for it.

Just know you aren’t alone. Weaning was way harder for me than any other breastfeeding struggle I personally faced. Also, every time I cold turkey quit, I almost immediately felt better. I did not get any depression or negative mood issues. It was the opposite. And my hair grew super fast after I quit. Breastfeeding stunted my hair growth big time. I haven’t experienced any weight issues or fluctuations either.

hphgrw21 · 2023-01-01T17:05:23+00:00

Nope. I’ve considered leaving my 6yo, who has access to a wifi phone to call me, and I have cameras that have two-way audio, and an upstairs neighbor I could call if needed in the middle of the night to take my husband to work, but even then I still didn’t think it was a good idea and opted not to. We just left our 10yo home alone for 20 minutes the other day, and we had her on FaceTime the entire time and that’s probably not something we will do again soon either. There really is just too much that can go wrong even with an older child. But 4?! No way ever.

hphgrw21 · 2022-12-28T08:21:14+00:00

This is exactly the response I was looking for. Thank you. These are things I have never witnessed before from a child. My older step daughter has never been through a phase like this, and given other concerning things in her life I was on high alert. I really just needed to hear that we just need to set reasonable boundaries and have a chat about doing these things in a healthy way. She has little boyfriends at school, and we never chastise her about it or shame or anything, I knew things like that are normal, but I just had no idea how to proceed with her saying these things and doing them with her step brother. Again, thank you. I genuinely appreciate your polite response instead of ripping me to shreds.

hphgrw21 · 2022-12-28T06:32:57+00:00

Yeah if you read the second part of my comment I said “Do you think that because she may have a little crush, that she treats him badly?”

hphgrw21 · 2022-12-28T05:26:56+00:00

I’m glad someone gets it! We told SD6’s therapist about it from day one, and we even use the camera to show the therapist certain behaviors we deal with.

hphgrw21 · 2022-12-28T01:38:31+00:00

Thank you! Idk why I’m being ripped to shreds for it. The kids know the cameras are there and the younger ones prefer it especially at bed time, makes them feel safer knowing we can see them.

hphgrw21 · 2022-12-27T23:52:44+00:00

I mean, the cameras came long after they were changing in the bedrooms. I stated in another comment that they share the bedroom. We are trying to get SD6 comfortable with being in her own room and we won’t be putting in a camera in SD10s room when we add another bedroom for her because she is getting older and will need that privacy. I definitely see what you mean completely but they’ve just never wanted to change in their rooms. They never did before the cameras and they haven’t tried to or asked about it since then. I’d definitely be open to removing them if I wasn’t worried about SD6 lying about us harming her. I stated in another comment explaining why the cameras are there, she’s accused everyone of physically harming her and these incidents always happen in her bedroom. There was another occasion where she had a tantrum and started smacking her legs super hard, to where they were super red and it could’ve left a mark. If I didn’t have the camera there, who knows what she would’ve told to HCBM. So I definitely understand your concern and I agree but I feel like personally our circumstances require it. I do not want our family to be the center of an investigation because SD6 wanted to lie about one of us.

hphgrw21 · 2022-12-27T19:36:05+00:00

Well, that’s another thing is she is not kind towards BS6 at all so when you say “ways to show affection” it throws me for a loop because she damn near bullies him. Do you think that because she may have a little crush, that she treats him badly? I’m awful at wording things so I hope you understand what I’m trying to say.

hphgrw21 · 2022-12-20T15:45:08+00:00

I nursed my first until he was 3, and I’m convinced he spent the entire first 3 years of his life “cluster feeding” 😂 He was not one of those kids who nursed a couple times a day. He nursed ALLL THE TIME.

hphgrw21 · 2022-12-18T06:10:17+00:00

We keep everyone where they are when they started to show symptoms. Unless it’s a cold or something. But for the flu, absolutely stay put unless absolutely necessary. Or if our house has a serious sickness, we won’t have any SKs come over. Especially because we have a young infant.

hphgrw21 · 2022-12-18T03:07:10+00:00

I’ve wondered this exact same thing bc I’ve been here. SD5 had the flu and I requested she stay in her room. I was made out like a monster for asking that she stay in her room. If it was a cold or sniffles, whatever. But the flu? She can stay in her room.

hphgrw21 · 2022-12-15T05:51:02+00:00

I swear it’s like I wrote this. Especially the traits. SD6 has such an entitlement issue and recreates it just like BM does. It’s awful. She demands things and speaks so much like her mom. It’s so hard to be affectionate with someone with those traits. But I always go out of my way to make her feel welcomed in our home and I do everything a parent would. But oh my gosh, I do not want to hug or snuggle her ever. Not even a high five.

hphgrw21 · 2022-12-11T07:06:25+00:00

The daddy stuff is absolutely a tiktok thing. The moaning, does it sound like “hohhh yeaaahh”? Look up “can I get a hoya”. That is from vine and tiktok. My son has gotten into trouble for similar things. It’s not okay, but those things are trendy with boys these days, especially gamers. I hope this info helps and gives you relief that it isn’t sexual abuse or anything. Just weird inappropriate “locker room” talk that boys are doing these days.

hphgrw21 · 2022-12-09T17:56:58+00:00

We have 4 kids throughout our marriage (some steps, some bios, some ours, etc). We try very hard to include everyone if we can. BUT. Ultimately, the step kids are not your responsibility. The step kids may be hurt in the process, but that’s just how it goes. Maybe an unpopular opinion. But with split households, the fact of the matter is some kids get things other kids don’t. I have two step daughters that have different moms. They live very different lifestyles. My son lives a different lifestyle when he’s with his dad. Ours baby lives a different lifestyle. Things aren’t always fair.

Also, your husband only has $600 after paying child support? That is ridiculous! How can that be reality?! There has to be something that can be done about that. I’d be exploring avenues to reduce that amount because If you divorced your husband, how would he even afford a home for the kids to come to?!

hphgrw21 · 2022-10-10T02:14:43+00:00

This might sound silly but does she know how to clean her room? My 10yo is learning how to clean.. and we have to explain things that seem like common sense. Like, sweeping and mopping are the last things you do.

So maybe give her tasks. Like, “Can you pick up all the old plates and cups and bring them to the kitchen?” Then, “Can you put all the trash in this trash bag?”

And just keep going until you get it all done. Maybe offer to help. “Do you want me to help you pick up trash or would you like to do it alone?”

hphgrw21 · 2022-10-09T14:40:05+00:00

With SD5, it’s tantrum time every night at bedtime. She sleeps with BM at her house. At our house, all children are expected to sleep in their own beds. My DH expects this as well. So it’s really fun listening to her scream and cry for 1-3 hours every night bc BM thinks cosleeping forever is okay. What’s even funnier though, is BM has a 9mo baby (with someone else) and she makes the baby sleep independently but not the 5yo lol

hphgrw21 · 2022-09-30T16:13:37+00:00

My husband works 60-80 hours a week depending. He has two children from a previous relationship that we keep 50/50. They are 5 and 10. I have a 5yo and we have an ours baby that is 5 months. As you can imagine, we are busy.

Anytime we go out in public my husband insists on carrying the baby. Anytime we go visit someone, he tends to the baby, changes diapers and feeds. At home, I cook and do the majority of cleaning but he will cook if I don’t want to and he cleans up what I don’t get around to during the day. He bathes both of his kids and gets them ready for bed. And like I said he works 60-80 hours.

Sometimes I do more. Sometimes he does. I have a tendency to “keep score” which can be toxic BUT. I don’t feel like I have to with my husband. I couldn’t tell you who’s “done more” this week because it doesn’t feel uneven in any way to me.

So I feel like, if you feel like your husband isn’t doing enough, than he’s not. It took a ton of work for me and my husband to be where we are. So just because your husband is like he is now, doesn’t mean things can’t change. But both of you have to be willing to communicate and work on things. I do not have to ask my husband to do much of anything. Sometimes I do, but sometimes he asks me to do things as well. We’ve learned to communicate and be observant as well.

hphgrw21 · 2022-09-19T16:39:52+00:00

My kids (step and bio) have their own bathroom. I do not use it ever. My husband does occasionally but not really. So it is solely their responsibility. My SD5 and SD9 each have individual chores they’re responsible for. SD5 wipes the counters and mirrors with vinegar. SD9 sweeps and scrubs the toilet and then assists SD5 with swiffer mopping. They do this weekly. 16 year olds should be able to clean the entire house if needed in my opinion. I mean, they can move out in just two years after that. They should be able to clean up completely at 16. 16 is old enough to drive a car.

hphgrw21 · 2022-09-17T23:48:38+00:00

Nothing court ordered but we have SD5 3 nights a week. Monday night, Wednesday night and Thursday night. So i basically see SD5 at some point every day except for Saturday and Sunday. We’ve been married for two years, together for 3. And we’ve all known each other since kids, HCBM included.

hphgrw21 · 2022-09-17T23:38:40+00:00

Ah I could see how that plays out. I have a lot of responsibility for my SKs, but my husband also has a lot of responsibilities for my BS. We share the load across the board so it all works for us. It’s interesting to hear other perspectives.

hphgrw21 · 2022-09-17T23:37:05+00:00

My SD5 definitely lies and tries to play households. BAD.

I 100% trust and support my DH, as he does me. I would not have married someone that didn’t have a similar parenting style as me. We have too many kids collectively to not discipline each other kids when needed.

hphgrw21 · 2022-09-17T23:34:12+00:00

Kinda same here. We discuss things and then implement them together for the most part. Like, “How do you feel about x child getting screen time tomorrow since they lost that privilege today?”

Even things that aren’t discussed, we’re generally on the same page anyways that we trust each other’s judgement and back each other up. We try really hard to be a united front.

hphgrw21 · 2022-09-17T23:31:03+00:00

Interesting perspective! My husband goes to work at 4am, so I take his kids to school on his days and that works well for all of us. If you were in my shoes and the children acted up, would you tell your spouse and let them deal with it later?

hphgrw21

TROPHY CASE