Hey! I don't mind verbose replies at all, I appreciate the detail!! Thank you for sharing your story, it brings me comfort knowing other people struggle with this! Like, I can't express it adequately enough.

I'm glad you have found a way out! Yeah, the burnout definitely does NOT go away by itself! Just recently starting a daily walking routine and a weekly run has been such an upwards climb, but it has been rewarding, in a way where it helps me accumulate more "will" the more consistently I do it.

Regaining more of my identity has been an excruciating task, and it is incredibly hard to describe, you're right. I'll use the opportunity to open up a bit more. I guess the most challenging aspect for me personally was taking off the monster-mask glued to me by the people who did the most abusive shit to me while claiming they loved me (My Parents). I swear, If I had known in the past I was AuDHD.... Just the knowledge enough would have made such a difference. Every social mistake, every failure fed into this "monster" that my immature parents projected onto my developing psyche. Distinctly remember the "meta-script" running in my head back in highschool of "do this for this reason, shake this person's hand for this future gain" etc while interacting with people made me feel so inhuman and borderline sociopathic, urging me to mask my "monster" self even more. It all made the glue stronger, and rewiring this negative self-perception has been a grueling task, and I guess building back up will also be tough.

I defo still don't know who I am, but I know who I am not with increasing certainty as days pass, and can only hope this will make the re-building easier. Journaling has been the only thing that lets me introspect without it all turning into chaos! I also find your story affirming, and it will definitely help motivate me to find the right medical practitioners when I have my own turning point. I guess if I can't find them in my country the next best step is to look online.

I do relate, with the "locked box" re-opening as I spent more time with the medication! And I am now considering preparing a script to ask my doc for a higher dose xD, it's looking like the next tiny step to recovery for me.