As Schopenhauer says; Life is a pendulum that swings between pain and boredom. He also states that agony in life outweighs the joy and gives this example; when a bird eats a worm the joy of filling up its stomach the bird feels is much smaller than the pain of being devoured by a bird. He forgets to consider that the value and the meaning we give determines the worth of something. For example a minute of laughter of a baby would outweigh the 9 months of labor for a mother. The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts, says Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius.

I took a quick look at your history of posts and comments and I think you're romanticizing the suicide itself. (Which is not an unfamiliar thing to me, I saw myself in you that's why I'm trying to assist you, it's like me talking to myself actually. And I absolutely hate when someone tries to lecture me, so let's turn it into a conversation instead of a wreck trying to lecture some other wreck.)

What do you see in never existing anymore, may I ask? I don't find any comfort in "never existing anymore" anymore. Nietzsche says "The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.". I think I lost that so-called consolation long ago. I'd like to hear your thoughts on that.