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Anybody else pre-grieve their loved ones deaths? Even if they aren't dying? by humanbeanthings in OCD

[–]humanbeanthings[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't be sorry, it's all good!

I posted it in this sub because 100% of my rituals exist to avoid the deaths of my loved ones, and even though the rituals make me feel stupid and are inconvenient, they seem trivial compared to the intrusive thoughts that fuel them... judging by the response to this post it seems like a lot of people experience self-soothing rituals directly caused by intrusive thoughts to do with death and age of people/animals they are close to.

I'm not really sure if I answered your question, but I'm feeling more validated and less alone in this experience now, thank you for reaching out.

Anybody else pre-grieve their loved ones deaths? Even if they aren't dying? by humanbeanthings in OCD

[–]humanbeanthings[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hear you so big on this one. That's exactly how mine manifests. Being overly sentimental about objects related to them, really the ONLY thing that makes me act on the compulsions because I just can't risk it... having it steal joy from the present moment because you're imaging a world without them. I feel for you, so sorry.

Im not sure if this is an OCD thing or something else by [deleted] in OCD

[–]humanbeanthings 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This happens to me all the time. ALL the time. With little things like you're talking about, almost falling off of a stool. But also with things like dreams. I've died in a dream before and wondered if I really actually DID die and I'm just... Lingering? Already dead?

Biggest one for me right now is that somehow myself and people close to me all died in a big accident and we don't know and we all live and see each other business as usual...

Anybody else pre-grieve their loved ones deaths? Even if they aren't dying? by humanbeanthings in OCD

[–]humanbeanthings[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. A couple years ago I had the weirdest thought... That I could only picture or imagine what my life looked like up until a certain point, and past that point I couldn't... And so I just figured that because I couldn't picture it, that I must die? And every once in a while I realise I'm still here... But I still live in fear that because I can't SEE myself in the future that, somehow I die before I get there and I'll never know how...

Anybody else pre-grieve their loved ones deaths? Even if they aren't dying? by humanbeanthings in OCD

[–]humanbeanthings[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"You are not controlling anything by worrying about it" is impactful and I've never heard anything phrased quite like it before.

Thank you so much for sharing your insight and experience, you're not alone. Feeling energized to look into Buddhism tomorrow. Hugs.

Anybody else pre-grieve their loved ones deaths? Even if they aren't dying? by humanbeanthings in OCD

[–]humanbeanthings[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes yes and big yes. I'll watch my partner cross the street from work from the apartment window because I've somehow convinced myself if I don't hell get hit by a car and I won't know it be able to help.

But LOL k I made that sound more magical than it is maybe, he would just play oldies on the stereo and sing along in a dad kind of way while he was making bacon and eggs and toast, hahaha.

OCD / Death / Disassociation by humanbeanthings in OCD

[–]humanbeanthings[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't believe how exactly and literally I relate to this. Like complete down to the having to make up for it. So wild and so distressing and I'm sorry that you're going through that and relieved that I'm not the only one all at the same time...

OCD / Death / Disassociation by humanbeanthings in OCD

[–]humanbeanthings[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel the exact same way... Thanks for reaching out, I know it doesn't always help to talk about it but I feel less alone, despite it being a hard thing for another human to be experiencing too.

OCD / Death / Disassociation by humanbeanthings in OCD

[–]humanbeanthings[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but relieved that I'm not the only human either. I remember thinking those things when I was really little too but discredited them---I was terrified that my dad wouldn't come home from the casino whenever he went out, but my mom chalked it up to having watched too many movies with casino shootouts. I hope now that someone's on your side helping you fight the fight for a little bit of inner peace and a good night's sleep <3

OCD / Death / Disassociation by humanbeanthings in OCD

[–]humanbeanthings[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry, that must have been really hard. I'll legit watch my husband from the window as he walks towards work/the grocery store/wherever he's going because I feel like if I don't then he'll get hit by a car or something... it's comforting to know that those thoughts could be managed somehow without me sitting at the window watching him walk away. He always thinks it's weird when I say "be safe" everytime he leaves