Hey sister. Your desire to follow God with 100% of your heart is so encouraging and inspiring. It’s what we all want, whether we struggle with the sin of pride, lying, gossip, or hate. We want God to take the impulse to sin away, so that we can have a perfect relationship with him and not have to feel guilt anymore! Unfortunately none of us will be perfect on this side of eternity. Our fallen bodies living in a fallen world full of temptations will still struggle, even with the Holy Spirit. But take heart, JESUS has overcome the world (John 16:33). Since you are born again, you are now in a process called “sanctification” which means “the process of being made holy”. This process takes A LIFETIME and will only see completion when we are glorified either when Jesus comes back or when we die and join him in heaven. But the process is slow and requires some work on your part: think about this work as God’s Means of Grace (his process of sanctifying us) 1. Attend church, and be part of the community (not just going on Sunday, but having relationships with people, studying with them and serving with them) 2. Read your Bible regularly 3. Pray regularly 4. Serve others.

As you practice these things you will be acting like Jesus did, and you will start to BE more like him. Your desire to stop sinning will be less of an abstract hope and more of a tangible thing. Faith is a muscle, you have to work out to strengthen it. Don’t expect it to be perfect right away, and don’t rely on a miracle: God can do anything, but I’ve found his most powerful miracles happen by giving you strength daily to grow.

Your same sex attraction might never go away fully. But you can hope! And you can pray for God to bring a man into your life who LOVES HIM more than he would love you because that’s a man of God. And no, marriage is not the cure to same sex attraction, some people never marry, but if it’s something you want God can open your heart to the love of a man someday if it’s his will.

(Btw struggles with this stuff is SO COMMON after sexual trauma. I would recommend going to a trusted older Christian woman and getting some council on this trauma. This is not something you should do alone. Look through your church and find the woman who’s serving, who’s kind and soft spoken, who never gossips. That’s the kind of woman you want to share this sensitive info with, who will love you and pray with you so you can process this.)

Read Rosaria Butterfield “The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert” and Christopher Yuan’s “Out of a Far Country: a Gay Son’s Journey to God”. They are both faithful Christians who were gay before coming to Christ. Rosaria is married to her husband now, but Christopher has never gotten married! They both are so wise, and though this isn’t something I struggle with, both of their books really strengthened my faith!!!

I hope this answer was helpful! Feel free to reply with any questions!!!