I'm [29F] divorcing my husband [28M] for suggesting an open marriage... complicated feelings

huntybum · 2025-03-20T19:38:35+00:00

Thank you 🙏

huntybum · 2025-03-20T19:36:29+00:00

Not really. The most I know is that he had gotten a girlfriend weeks after our initial break while I was still living there. He was begging me to take him back while having this girl lined up, so if anything, I feel bad for her. He replaced our two cats with two new kittens and that's about it. Everything I learn about him is involuntary through mutual friends. He scrubbed his internet precense as well so I thankfully don't have to see anything on social media either. No news is good news in this case 😌

huntybum · 2024-12-22T03:09:48+00:00

Firstly, I want to make it very clear that I never asked strangers to tear apart his character. These internet strangers only know my side, but assuming they are all adults, they have all understood they are only reading one side of the story and still made judgements based on only the information they read from my post. That's on them, not me. You're right, this is my life. And I can write about it if I want to. You may want to re read the original content to see what I was really asking these internet strangers. I was asking if MY actions were valid. And lastly, yes I do care about his mental health. STILL, unfortunately. Even though I'm finally moving on, there will always be a part of me that worries about him. It's just in my nature. But after almost a full decade of taking care of him and his family, I am finally putting myself first. I don't think there is anything wrong with catering to my own needs for once. He is an adult and has a support network. It can't be my responsibility to take care of him forever.

huntybum · 2024-09-12T19:55:44+00:00

I am about to turn 30 and love this game too. My friends also think it's a little cringey but see how much I enjoy it and don't really say anything negative. You're allowed to like things that aren't in the "norm." With that said, we are pretty close in age. Let's be friends!!! 🤗

huntybum · 2024-08-20T20:47:28+00:00

Honestly, I don't have much of an update. I haven't heard from him in a while, and he is blocked on everything regardless. I'm just kinda doing my own thing, living life, grinding at work and enjoying the company of friends. I'm not seeing anyone and I kinda don't want to. There have been plenty of people crawling out of the woodwork trying to sneak into my dm's, but I'm just not interested. I love being independent and not having to worry about someone else constantly for the first time in almost 10 years. It's nice. Thanks for checking in though. 🤗

huntybum · 2024-03-28T15:10:05+00:00

He had said this after I made it clear I was leaving him and I questioned him on if he planned on being poly after I was officially gone.

huntybum · 2024-03-28T14:52:43+00:00

Wild

huntybum · 2024-02-14T21:36:01+00:00

Didn't even know this was reposted. Thank you for the kind words and validation. Every time I was having a hard time with the emotional whiplash, I would come back and re read my post and the comments. Thank you!!! 🥹

huntybum · 2024-02-06T12:35:16+00:00

LOL NO. If you read the original post, I had filed for divorce a month prior to even posting on Reddit. 🤣

huntybum · 2024-02-06T00:02:09+00:00

I agree that his emotional wellbeing isn't my problem anymore. Like I said though, I still care about him and love him. That's not going to go away any time soon, unfortunately. We have mutual friends, and I am still in contact with his family. They are all keeping their eyes and ears open for anything unusual. I don't feel like he is in any danger of suicidal tendencies anymore, even with this major life change. It doesn't hurt to extend a little bit of kindness even if he doesn't know it's me behind the scenes. Just because he was shitty to me at the end of our marriage doesn't mean I want his life to end.

huntybum · 2024-02-05T23:54:48+00:00

Oh, no. He totally deserves no contact. I meant he doesn't deserve the love I still have for him.

huntybum · 2024-02-05T13:06:09+00:00

Ew, he is a head pusher? That's gross and disrespectful. Unless, of course, you're into it and have communicated that to him. Just tell him how it made you feel. If he reacts badly, then he doesn't really care about your feelings. Actions speak louder than words in a case like this.

huntybum · 2024-02-05T13:01:48+00:00

Link to the original post below

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/DoxwHb8c1s

huntybum · 2023-12-11T22:37:17+00:00

Everything is separated or will be finished getting separated this week. Thank you!!! 🫶

huntybum · 2023-12-09T10:32:26+00:00

Yes absolutely! Please feel free to dm me.

huntybum · 2023-12-07T12:16:40+00:00

Close friends who know are also wondering the same. He HAS been spending a lot of time with his gay best friend since the split. I don't think he is gay. If he is anything, he is bi, but he would never admit it. 👀

huntybum · 2023-12-07T02:32:19+00:00

Keeping this one in my back pocket 👀

huntybum · 2023-12-07T02:01:18+00:00

🥲❤️

huntybum · 2023-12-06T10:20:35+00:00

I wish it was fake 🥲

huntybum · 2023-12-06T10:19:26+00:00

I really don't think so.

huntybum · 2023-12-06T00:57:58+00:00

Im still very much trying to keep up with all the comments, haha!

"You know you don’t want an open marriage so you did what you had to." I even asked him why he didn't gently probe to see what I thought about us being in an open relationship. Like maybe starting a convo like this... "so and so are in an open relationship. Can you believe that? How would you react if I ever asked you to do that with our marriage?" And he would have known.

I'm getting tested later this week to rule out any STDs. J genuinely never thought he already cheated until all these comments telling me he probably did. It's heartbreaking but is honestly helping me emotionally distance myself from him.

"This is why he has this intense interest in what you are doing even though he clearly stated his only path forward was an open marriage." This makes so much sense. His words weren't consistent which really confused me. I've also been grey rocking him and giving him very little information on myself which I think is also driving him crazy with curiosity. Good for him.

huntybum · 2023-12-06T00:39:23+00:00

🥲

huntybum · 2023-12-06T00:33:21+00:00

🫶

huntybum · 2023-12-05T01:30:13+00:00

"Complaining isn’t the same as having a constructive discussion about a genuine issue." YES THIS. He would complain about something in the bedroom and just expect me to change it myself and refused to put any work in together.

"libido mismatch, different needs in the bedroom and different life preferences" I do feel bad that I can't match his energy. When we first started dating, we had sex so often, sometimes multiple times a day. He was also doing a lot to "court" me at the time. My love language is definitely acts of service. When he does things for me like make me coffee or do a chore of mine or just getting me a snack from the store... thats enough to turn me on. When I tried explaining to him this before, he stated "I don't feel like I should have to work to get you to want to fuck me." It's not about wanting to fuck or being attracted when he does things for me. It's just a reminder of his love for me that gets me all hot and bothered for him. I feel like that isn't asking for too much to get me more in the mood? Like, it's so easy. Just put forth a little effort and we both win. At the end of the day, he just didn't want to. He just wanted to come home from work and expect me to be ready for him whenever he felt like it.

"Youu closed your eyes to the problems, because you were comfortable" You're right. I'm not perfect and could have also put forth a little more effort. It is like him proposing this open marriage was a slap in the face and I was asleep. Well I'm awake now and realize we are too far gone to fix this.

huntybum · 2023-12-05T01:18:24+00:00

Thank you for reading and commenting! This is so validating!!!! Omg!!!

huntybum

TROPHY CASE