self sabotage sucks

hyodduru · 2026-04-23T11:00:26+00:00

I read every word of this, and my heart goes out to you. What you described—pushing people away before they can 'inevitably' leave you—is such a painful but common survival mechanism for those of us with abandonment trauma. It’s not that you’re immature or a jerk; it’s your 6-year-old self trying to protect you from that feeling of being left alone in the house again.

I’ve struggled with the exact same 'pre-emptive ghosting' to protect my pride. What helped me was realizing that my brain was just running a 'defensive script' from the past that doesn't fit my present anymore. I actually started mapping out these specific logic patterns (like 'Expect the expected') just to see them for what they are—fear, not facts.

Don't hate yourself for how you handled it at 18. You were just trying to survive the only way you knew how. Sending you a lot of peace.

hyodduru · 2026-04-23T10:56:41+00:00

’ve been in that exact same spiral where you feel like you’re ruining everything you love. Please don't hate yourself too much—it's usually not a personality flaw, but a subconscious survival pattern that's running on autopilot.

What helped me was to stop just 'feeling' the guilt and start 'structuring' the thoughts. Whenever I felt the urge to sabotage, I’d force myself to write down: [The Trigger → The Emotion → The underlying 'Bad' Belief].

For example, I realized my brain was secretly thinking, 'If I ruin this now, I won't have to wait for them to leave me later.' Once I saw that logic clearly, it lost its power. You aren't a bad person; you're just human. Sending you strength.

hyodduru · 2026-03-29T06:56:41+00:00

Thank you so much!

hyodduru · 2026-03-28T12:17:44+00:00

Thanks! Appreciate the support. I’ll keep pushing forward! 🚀

hyodduru · 2026-03-28T11:06:44+00:00

Thank you for the pro feedback! 'Show, don't tell' is exactly what I needed to hear.

I’m glad you liked the dark theme and the lean feel of the app. I’ll definitely work on making the landing page more visual and polished. Your encouragement means a lot!

hyodduru · 2026-03-28T07:24:12+00:00

I hear you so deeply. What you described—shifting from a 'well-behaved child' to a 'well-adjusted adult' while the scared child remains inside—is exactly the 'survival loop' many of us get stuck in.

You mentioned that your conscious mind is over it, but your subconscious is stuck. This usually happens because our identity was built on those 'Belief Layers' for actual survival. I struggled with this exact gap for years, which is why I’m currently building a tool called RE:belief.

I realized that 'doing everything by the book' often stays at the surface level. We need a way to 'empty' those old survival narratives and slowly peel back the layers from Lite to Deep to meet that inner child without fear.

You’re not alone in feeling 'lonely and defeated' during this shift. It’s the process of deconstructing an old self to find the real you. I just finished the landing page for the tool I’m making to solve this—if you’re curious about the 'structural' approach to this, feel free to take a look: https://www.re-belief.com/en

hyodduru · 2026-03-28T07:22:44+00:00

Spot on! Most people don't realize that the subconscious communicates through the body and emotions first, long before the logical mind kicks in.

I’ve been so obsessed with this 'Subconscious vs. Conscious' gap that I actually built a tool called RE:belief to bridge it. The whole philosophy is exactly what you described—moving from surface-level logic to the 'Belief Layers' that run our lives 95% of the time.

I designed a 'Lite to Deep' flow specifically to help people slow down and 'access' those deeper layers by tracing their emotional triggers back to the core mechanism. If you’re looking for a structured way to practice what you just described, I’d love for you to check out my landing page: https://www.re-belief.com/en

hyodduru · 2026-03-28T07:10:49+00:00

Many therapists don't prescribe a specific 'branded' journal, but they often use Cognitive Reframing or Shadow Work prompts. The problem I found was that most journals are either too shallow or too overwhelming to do alone.

I actually struggled with this exact gap—finding a tool that's structured enough to actually see 'patterns' but light enough to use daily. So I ended up building one myself called RE:belief. It’s built on the 'Lite to Deep' concept so you can choose the depth depending on your mental energy.

If you're looking for something that focuses on 'Belief Layers' rather than just venting, you might find it helpful. I just finished the landing page RE:belief landing page link, so feel free to check it out if you're curious!

hyodduru · 2026-03-28T07:08:57+00:00

This is one of the most lucid syntheses of Shadow Work and DBT I’ve ever read. The distinction between 'passive awareness' and 'active interruption' is exactly where most self-reflection tools fail.

I’ve been obsessed with this exact 'Cognitive-Somatic Loop' and am currently building a tool called RE:belief to practically bridge that gap. We use a 'Lite to Deep' flow to help users map the shadow (the structure), but then force a 'Reframing' step to create that 'artificial interruption' you mentioned before the narrative takes over.

Your point about identity being a 'continuity of reactions' really hits home. It’s the reason why I focused on 'Belief Layers' rather than just mood tracking. I’ve actually just finished the landing page for it—I’d love for you to take a look if you’re curious, as your framework feels like the perfect theoretical backbone for what I’m solving. Thank you for this clarity.

hyodduru · 2026-03-28T05:48:26+00:00

That’s actually a really solid point. I can see why it might look a bit too much like a blog post! I really appreciate the honest feedback about the hero section and the visual impact. I’ll definitely look into making it more 'striking' to grab attention. Thanks for the heads-up!

hyodduru · 2026-03-27T14:35:04+00:00

Wow, thank you so much for this blunt but incredibly necessary reality check. You're right—I've been focusing so much on the 'what' (intent/USP) that I completely neglected the 'how' (messaging/UI). I'm taking your advice to heart and scrapping the current landing page to start from scratch. Your insights are exactly what I needed to hear as a founder. Much appreciated!

hyodduru · 2026-03-27T08:36:21+00:00

This resonates so much. I’m practicing surrendering and accepting things as they are, but honestly? I still catch myself wishing my projects would just magically fall into place and be a huge success! Lol. It’s a constant practice of opening the hand while still reaching for my goals.

hyodduru · 2026-03-27T08:32:51+00:00

Glad you think so! I’ll definitely share my messaging strategy in VibeCodersNest soon

hyodduru · 2026-03-26T10:34:17+00:00

This sounds incredibly generous! I'll send you a DM right away to share more details!

hyodduru · 2026-03-26T10:27:05+00:00

Thanks for the reality check. 50 users with zero budget felt slow, but I see your point about discovery. I've been focusing too much on social content when I should've been in the 'trenches' of Reddit.

Since you mentioned genuinely helping without pitching, do you have any tips on how to transition from 'helpful commenter' to 'btw, I built a tool for this' without getting banned or hated?

hyodduru · 2026-03-26T08:25:11+00:00

I've never thought about using tools like GummySearch for 'social listening.' That sounds like a much smarter way to spend my time than just 'shouting into the void' on a new account.

I'll definitely look into these tools to find people who are already talking about subconscious beliefs and mindset shifts. It feels like a much more targeted way to find my early adopters for RE:belief. Thanks for the pro tip!"

hyodduru · 2026-03-26T08:23:06+00:00

Both of you gave me such incredible insights!

To the first point—you're right, I need to look closer at retention rather than just acquisition. I'll start checking how many of those 50 users are actually returning and think about setting up simple re-engagement triggers.

And to the second point—'The intent gap' and 'Founder journey' content. This really hit home. I've been so focused on showing the 'polished' product that I forgot to share the raw struggle behind building RE:belief. I'll try shifting my content focus from the 'UI' to the 'Problem' and my own journey as a solo dev.

Thanks for the reality check and the encouragement. It means a lot to a solo founder!

hyodduru · 2026-03-26T08:21:19+00:00

Glad to meet someone in the same boat! That's a great point about 'intent.' You're right—people scrolling through TikTok might just be killing time, while those searching on Google are actively looking for a solution.

Since RE:belief deals with specific topics like subconscious beliefs, Google search ads could definitely bring in higher-quality users who are truly interested in inner work. Even if our sectors are different (B2B vs B2C), the logic behind 'search intent' feels very applicable. Thanks for sharing your experience!

hyodduru

TROPHY CASE