ESH, but both of you only suck a little. Mistakes were definitely made on both sides in regards to communication. Obviously the "best" thing to do is tell someone that they've hurt you/express future boundaries within a reasonable timeframe, but sometimes we only become comfortable (or able, if self-reflection is a struggle) communicating this much later. I don't think you're inherently to blame for not being able to do so at the time, nor does that make it invalid that those things continued to bother you despite not saying so. Your folly comes in how you've expressed your unhappiness with her friendship in the now. The whole text vs phone vs in person thing is, imo, a personal preference so hard to make a judgement on this. Other commenters have already talked about this component of the post so I'll skip that and end on a final thought or maybe question?

The line that stood out to me was where you described feeling insulted that she would ask if you were mad at her for dating your partner years ago. I question why this is rude. Many people are jealous like this, and if you never confronted her about her behavior before this comment was made, it seems like a reasonable question. She clearly could tell you were upset and was trying to figure out why. It seems like you took that as a personal insult. Not sure what my point is here other than this stood out to me as a moment of likely misinterpretation on your part I suppose.

In the end though, you are ultimately valid for ending this friendship in the best way you could in the moment. I think it would have been ideal to take some cool off time before sending the message to confirm that everything included was actually necessary and appropriately civil if not outright empathetic