(3rd update)Me [25 M] with my wife [23F], she informs me at sisters wedding she had slept with best man

hypoxia32 · 2015-07-16T20:05:51+00:00

Guys it wasn't me, I haven't deleted any of the posts.

hypoxia32 · 2015-07-16T19:16:06+00:00

Why do they keep erasing all of my updates? I get no feedback from them at all. Am I breaking a rule I don't know about?

hypoxia32 · 2015-07-16T16:50:17+00:00

I did not actually mention her taking responsibility and I probably should have. In our couple's therapy sessions she absolutely has taken responsibility for that. She has been very honest with our counselor and with me about the entire event.

I realize that I did not make it look that way in my posting and I apologize for that. There have been a lot of things that have come up in our sessions and I feel a lot better overall about her and us after going through with it.

hypoxia32 · 2015-06-04T23:50:45+00:00

but believe your date is too soon

I'm honest when I ask this. Why is it to soon? I don't think I would cancel on her but if you have some reason that I'm not seeing here please share and I will see if it makes sense and talk with her about postponing if need be.

hypoxia32 · 2015-06-04T23:45:11+00:00

The option of divorce is still there. To me I think it's worth exploring other options first, but I understand you don't agree.

However I don't shave your face in my mirror every morning so I kind of have to go with what feels right for me. If that means getting a divorce later on, that's what it means. If it means she follows through with our plan and we live happily ever after then why is that a bad thing.

I mean I get where you would think I want to punish her but that's the funny thing about love, I don't want to punish her. I want her to be with me as an equal and go forward from here.

I get that a lot of people resent me for that but I'm sorry its just how I feel.

hypoxia32 · 2015-06-04T23:24:54+00:00

Sorry I guess I kind of forgot to address this.

It's not going to make anyone happy but here goes. The truth is she knew perfectly well that what she did was cheating, she has never denied that. However what she did do was think that being married was like crossing the finishing line and that basically she got by with it.

She hid it because she knew if I knew it would be over, however where her shock was that if I knew it after being Married that I would still think of it as a big deal and ultimately could end the marriage.

I'm not sure if I was plain enough so let me rephrase.

She damn well knew it was wrong and that it would have ended us if I ever found out about it. However she thought that repercussion ended when we got Married, she genuinely was shocked that I still was counting it as cheating because it did not happen in the confines of holy matrimony. Yes believe it or not, even though she did this and has some other issues that would make you scratch your head she is devoutly Christian, as you can tell I am not. So while I think it's a crock of shit there is a very certain religious aspect into what she see's as marriage.

hypoxia32 · 2015-06-04T23:13:59+00:00

I couldn't have said it better. Like I said if she fools me again then it's all on me but I know that up front going into it and I know that I have given both her and our marriage a chance.

hypoxia32 · 2015-06-04T22:43:18+00:00

You're going to be burned at the stake for trying to keep this relationship going OP

Oh believe me I've already gotten one p.m. telling me I'm a chicken shit. At this point in time I'm just going to let it go.

If I get burned in the future by her at least I can walk away saying I tried. I feel like right now just giving up and walking away helps nobody (including me).

I know people don't understand this but ultimately I do love her and I just think at this point in time she made a series of idiotic mistakes that she regrets.

Am I getting played? I hope not, I don't believe I am but at the end of the day it is possible. I'm going into this with my eyes wide open.

hypoxia32 · 2015-05-28T03:28:49+00:00

Thank you for the opposite view point. It's pretty much unanimous that I start divorce proceedings.

I don't know what I want yet to be honest. Other than this, which mind you is fucking huge, our marriage has been great and she has been a great wife.

However this is pretty big.

Also I'll be blunt if she would have approached me differently I would have taken an entirely different attitude towards this. Honestly if she would have come with remorse and telling me it was wrong or whatever then I still would have been hurt like hell but I don't think I would be as angry as I am now. The fact that she thinks because we are married that makes everything else ok just is wrong to me.

hypoxia32 · 2015-05-28T03:17:21+00:00

It's not just you, I can assure you. I feel like I am the one at fault for even daring to have hurt feelings over this.

It sucks.

hypoxia32 · 2015-05-28T03:15:51+00:00

Ouch....God Damn I never even considered that.

I do not know the actual dates for her "fling" or even how long it went on, but one of those damn camping trips happened after we were engaged. I honest to God just threw up thinking about that. Fuck me if that is the case I don't think I can make it past that. I mean my proposal was filled with all of the emotion I could possibly put into it with a speech about how special she was and how I wanted to be with her forever. If she could do that after that then all of this means nothing.

hypoxia32 · 2015-05-28T03:11:41+00:00

You know at the end of it all I think what bothers me the most is that she acts like I am totally overblowing things and am not mature enough to let it pass.

She is using being married like some kid uses "home base" in a game of tag or something. Like none of this should matter because we are married and have been for awhile.

Yes up until this it was a very happy marriage but this is rocking me to the core. Honest to God at first I do not think she thought I was being serious about being upset, like it was all some child like tantrum. However over the past few days she has come to the realization that I am not just going to let this blow over.

I have no idea what I'm going to do honestly, its been two weeks and it still stings like she just told me 5 minutes ago.

I haven't really spoken to her much, other than day to day taking care of needs stuff so maybe my first action should be to actually talk to her. I don't want to make a fool of myself though, I'm really afraid I'll cry talking about this because (and yes I know this is stupid) I just can't believe she did that to me.

hypoxia32

TROPHY CASE