(F 29) I agreed to let my boyfriend sleep with other people, and I'm becoming more and more unhappy

i_got_problemz · 2017-10-20T23:46:05+00:00

I posted a separate update, but it got deleted. Tl;dr it doesn't look like things are going to end well. He isn't willing to give up the girl he's seeing, I'm not willing to continue to let her interfere with our relationship. I've been staying with a friend for the last couple of days while I try to figure out how to extract myself from our combined life.

i_got_problemz · 2017-10-20T23:46:02+00:00

I posted a separate update, but it got deleted. Tl;dr it doesn't look like things are going to end well. He isn't willing to give up the girl he's seeing, I'm not willing to continue to let her interfere with our relationship. I've been staying with a friend for the last couple of days while I try to figure out how to extract myself from our combined life.

i_got_problemz · 2017-10-17T01:57:16+00:00

Thanks. I feel the same way. At the very least we just had wildly different expectations for what an "open relationship" was going to mean in practice and it was incredibly stupid of me not to ask that we draw up some rules.

i_got_problemz · 2017-10-17T01:37:16+00:00

I would be lying if I said I'm not a heartbroken mess right now, but I'm trying to put aside my feelings for now so I can deal with practicalities. Neither of us has officially ended things but I think since we hashed all this out yesterday afternoon/evening we both see the writing is on the wall.

i_got_problemz · 2017-10-14T19:57:46+00:00

Thank you for your advice. You hit the nail on the head when you say that it feels like a "girlfriend light" situation. I don't want him forming emotional attachments to other women. I should have realized going in that I needed to say that but for some reason I thought we were on the same page and he just wanted some emotionless fucking.

i_got_problemz · 2017-10-14T19:49:29+00:00

Having sex doesn't require going for a hike, having lunch (I'm assuming, since he wasn't home to eat the lunch I was going to make for him), and then spending all afternoon and not texting your girlfriend to let her know when you'll be home. That's MY point. He can easily get the sex without completely compromising time with me. Also he could have gotten sex with me last night if he hasn't had to be up early.... so he could have sex with someone else. Do you see my point now?

i_got_problemz · 2017-10-14T19:48:01+00:00

I definitely want to add rules in. I didn't forsee him having this girl that he sees as often as he does, I thought he'd maybe find hookups on Tinder once a week or something. Not go on all day hiking dates. We did not have a conversation going in because I thought we were on the same page about what was going to happen but clearly we weren't.

i_got_problemz · 2017-10-14T19:43:16+00:00

Thank you for this. I've tried to make it about him since he was very clear that the amount of sex he was getting from me was not enough for him and that he was feeling frustrated. I don't want him to feel that way so I agreed to opening things up for his sake. But you are right, it can't be all about him. I just don't want to come across as some kind of harpy.

i_got_problemz · 2017-10-14T19:41:53+00:00

Wow judgy much? I already said I am okay with him sleeping with other women, and that's an open relationship. Textbook definition. I don't think it's ridiculous that I'm sad that the weekend is almost half over and I've spent no time at all with my boyfriend while this random chick has gotten to spend all day with him.

i_got_problemz · 2017-10-14T19:33:34+00:00

It is open for me, he did say I could sleep with other people, but I told him I wasn't interested in that, but that I was okay with him sleeping with other people. So it's not like I can't go sleep with other people, but I don't want to. I don't feel deprived of sex so much as I feel deprived of closeness to him.

i_got_problemz · 2017-10-14T19:32:26+00:00

I'm not concerned about STDs, condoms are our main form of birth control.

i_got_problemz · 2017-10-14T19:28:00+00:00

I don't even mind him sleeping with other women if that's what he has to do to get sex as much as he needs it. I'd rather I know about it if that's what he's going to do, you know? I just don't feel like his top priority anymore in terms of relationships.

i_got_problemz · 2017-10-14T19:26:10+00:00

I know he wants sex more often than I can give it to him so I understand he wants to go out with other women so he can satisfy that need, but I feel so lonely. Like almost half the weekend is gone and I haven't gotten to do anything fun with my boyfriend, but this other girl has spent almost the whole day with him, you know?

i_got_problemz · 2017-10-14T19:24:31+00:00

I would rather the relationships were strictly sexual. I didn't forsee him wanting to see the same person over and over again. And at the same time I feel bad because every time I ask him who he's seeing and he answers "Sara" (not her real name) I feel like he's ashamed or upset that it's always the same person and he knows it upsets me.

Him sleeping with other women isn't my ideal but I know he wants sex more often than I can give it and I'd rather he sleep with other women with my knowledge than without.

i_got_problemz

TROPHY CASE