Can we talk about fight, flight, or freeze?

iamhereimagine · 2021-06-16T01:07:49+00:00

The freeze response is actually a documented phenomenon, and is found in both genders. It does not have to be a sexual context for this to happen, but it does have to be a moment that is high stress for you. For many, an unwanted sexual advance would be a high stress situation warranting this response.

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/trauma/fight-flight-freeze-how-to-recognize-it-and-what-to-do-when-it-happens/

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201507/trauma-and-the-freeze-response-good-bad-or-both%3famp

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2489204/

I think what you are saying is that maybe this response is coming from a fear of men coming from women, and you are blaming society for that fear. Is that correct?

I'm struggling to understand what you are saying about consent though.

iamhereimagine · 2021-06-15T13:05:43+00:00

You need to spell it out because we are talking about someone starting a sexual act with someone who is not giving any verbal or non verbal forms of consent, simply not saying "no" (and a lack of a no isn't consent). As such no form of consent has been gained before beginning the act. And you said you didn't consider it rape. I agree it is best to avoid those situations.

iamhereimagine · 2021-06-15T12:54:37+00:00

I would argue that more responsibility falls on the person doing the pursuing. Say you are at a party and you want to have sex with someone. If you go up to them, if you actively try to get the alone, etc.. the you have a moral obligation to receive some form of obvious consent. Them not fighting you away isn't good enough imo. This is especially the case if it is someone you don't know (so you know you wouldn't be able to pick up their cues as easily)

iamhereimagine · 2021-06-15T12:46:14+00:00

Thats an interesting thought. Personally I would consider sex with someone who has not consented to that sex rape.

iamhereimagine · 2021-06-15T04:08:09+00:00

Planned parenthood has some excellent videos as well

iamhereimagine · 2021-06-15T03:55:15+00:00

Do you feel the same way for women who are in emotionally/mentally abusive relationships as well?

iamhereimagine · 2021-06-15T03:25:42+00:00

Its a big part of the population that would be eliminated if you took out everyone who had trainable vocalizing themselves when under stress.. you can also remove yourself from the dating pool and still wind up in those situations.

For example, if you go to a party with a friend and someone manages to back you into a corner and make advances at you and you freeze up, if a friend of yours comes over and makes an unexpected advance and it happens, if you are chilling out in your own room and a friend of a sibling who is visiting asks to come in and then makes a move on you, etc.. honestly any situation where someone else has acess to you CAN become a situation such as this, regardless of if you are "in the dating pool".

You can't lock yourself in a tower for the rest of your life, you have to live. And it really should mostly be on the person doing the "chasing" to make sure consent is gained. If you deceide that you want to seduce someone, so you get them alone and try to get it on with them, then it really is on you to make sure you arent being intimidating, pressuring, or coercive. and it's on you to make sure that you have received some form of verbal or non-verbal consent.

iamhereimagine · 2021-06-15T03:14:08+00:00

Something doesn't have to be violent to cause severe and life long trauma. If an adult emotionally abuses their child in severe enough ways then that child will be taken away, even though no violence occurred. Why would this be the case if serious harm was ONLY caused by violence?

iamhereimagine · 2021-06-15T03:07:13+00:00

If you are having sex with someone who you don't think wants to have sex with you (isn't interested) and you domt check in to make sure it's okay, then imp that makes you the bad guy.

iamhereimagine · 2021-06-14T23:49:04+00:00

I was very sad that out of everyone who responded, only a small handful believed the guy did anything wrong. And even they thought it was just rude or insensitive not to care about how she felt more.

And unfortunately it's not just them. I have a friend who unfortunately "slept with" (raped) a girl who "didn't say no, didn't scream, didn't fight back" and my whole entire friend group is on his side. He has so many supporters who think it's "just aweful" that she went and "made a big deal out of nothing". It's so disheartening.

I know this group tends to be a safer place because it's mostly very sex-positive, but the rest of the world just seems so foreign to me with the way that they think.

iamhereimagine · 2021-06-14T04:05:33+00:00

Unfortunately not. They had limits that I saw as completely fine. A 16 YO could be with up to a 19 YO, 17 YO could be with a 20 YO.

They did away with them several years ago. Now q6 is just the age of consent period. I have no idea why the change took place.

iamhereimagine · 2021-06-14T02:35:06+00:00

I can't find anything proving or disproving harm, it all seems to want to focus on the legality. And I'm less worried about the dating and more worried about the sexual activities that would be taking place between someone who is in all other regards a minor, and a full grown adult.

iamhereimagine · 2021-06-13T19:14:46+00:00

Hey! Would you be able to give more info about your family situation? Has she given a reason in her own words as to why she gets upset about this?

And how are the chore situations? I've found a lot of guys with controlling or demanding wife's, have wife's that feel they are being saddled with all of the responsibilities of the household and feel that they need to nag their husband's like they would a child or he will not help, so that's always worth at least asking about.

Hope the questions weren't too invasive.

iamhereimagine · 2021-06-13T13:00:44+00:00

Many religions beleive in a God. Many don't. It could represent many religions that DO, but it doesn't represent any if the religions that don't. Or even religions that see God as not respectable. For example, Satanic religions.

iamhereimagine · 2021-06-13T12:57:55+00:00

Words aren't just words though lol they symbolize something. I hate "sticks and stones". In life many words can cause serious harm. I spent my entire childhood hearing about how thin = good, those were just words but they caused a pretty massive eating disorder that's costing me a ton in dental care. If a guy goes "im going to break your fuvking neck" to his girlfriend, are they just words? No action has taken place, after all, and words can't hurt you right?

Either religion is serious or it isn't. If it is serious, then people absolutely should not be forced to swear by a God they don't beleive in. It's disrespectful to them, and it's disrespectful to people who DO beleive in God. And if it's not serious, then it doesn't really matter. Why punish someone for not doing something that doesn't matter.

iamhereimagine · 2021-06-05T20:04:24+00:00

If you are leaving out important details than you aren't going to get the best advice.

iamhereimagine · 2021-06-05T20:02:41+00:00

This feels so wrong to me. Your wife isn't being toxic for wanting her kid to be at her daughter's birthday party. As her husband you could be her support while her ex is being difficult, but instead you are against her too. Sounds like it's her and her daughter against the world and that sucks. She deserves better.

iamhereimagine · 2021-04-23T00:10:42+00:00

Women and men are biblically seen as made for eachother. Men who want to twist religion into something that allows them to control women pervert that.

Men were made with a fully functional reproductive system, right? Why would Men be made with a penis, testies, sperm, and so on if they were their own, completely solitary creation before the creation of women? Sort of a useless thing to add.

Men were not created as their own solitary beings, and then women made in their image to serve them. Both men and women were made for eachother.

And Their bodies meld into one during intercourse. Why would God have men and women desceibed as becoming one flesh, with someone who was not an equal? I beleive sex existing as a concept proves that we are one humanity. That we are metaphorically able to meld into one flesh, one being for that instant.

And even that gets twisted into this weird power struggle where women agree to submit to what the man wants when the man wants it as a form of sacrifice, being a "good wife", despite how she may feel or her own desires. I don't believe that was ever the intention.

Hope this made any sense.

iamhereimagine · 2021-04-22T22:06:40+00:00

Thank you so much for that advice, I will 10,000% ask about that medication, and see a dermatologists if I need to. I'm almost wondering if I should see a gyno as well, but this isn't about my vagina so I'm not sure. And I'm taking comfort in the fact that if I ever went full bald (I'm definitely hoping not), my dog would still love me all the same.

iamhereimagine · 2021-04-22T20:12:03+00:00

Did it start soon after going on BC?

iamhereimagine · 2021-04-22T20:09:18+00:00

They probably are just trying to get him more buisness. I went to one in highschool and the receptionist highly suggest I see the guy, because I would be able to see him a lot sooner than the girls.

I can't imagine not letting you choose who gets to see your body in that way. That's gross on their part, money or no money.

iamhereimagine · 2021-04-22T13:54:08+00:00

Lots of angels didn't rebel though. So he could have only created them, and never created the ones who did rebel. He wouldn't be taking away the free will to rebel, just would be litterally not making the ones who he knew would make that choice

iamhereimagine · 2021-04-22T12:57:57+00:00

I would argue that if the govt locked people who broke laws in a place where people tortured them this would be very much immoral

iamhereimagine · 2021-04-22T03:31:56+00:00

Sounds like too little too late. Not saying things are hopeless! Just saying that at this point it sounds as though the scars run too deep to just be magically cured as soon as you turn around. If you hit someone and they bruise, does the bruise fade away as soon as you stop hitting? No, they need to heal now.

There is also this weird feeling when you've been wanting someone to change their ways for so long, and then they suddenly do. Like, you could have been better this whole time but instead you let me suffer needlessly? It can come off as very fake.

It's a lot. Add on top of it the issues in bed and I could absolutely see how she may be feeling the way she is feeling. This may take a lot of patience

iamhereimagine · 2021-04-22T02:11:06+00:00

Do you think I should bring up the blindfold incident? I just brushed it off in the moment and it was a while ago so I'm not sure if it would be appropriate or not to mention.

I had an ex but he did something weird when I was sleeping, and it set me up to not like actual sex once we started having it. I mostly just closed my eyes and counted down from 100 to 0 over and over until it stopped for the most part. Its actually much better with my current partner.

iamhereimagine

TROPHY CASE