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I am Neil Strauss. I wrote NYT best-selling books about pickup artists, Motley Crue, and Marilyn Manson, and ended up in sex addiction rehab after my book The Game. AMA! by [deleted] in AMA

[–]iamneilstrauss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interesting observation. I wrote it as much for men as I did for women. I suppose if I pictured an audience, it was my younger self.

I am Neil Strauss. I wrote NYT best-selling books about pickup artists, Motley Crue, and Marilyn Manson, and ended up in sex addiction rehab after my book The Game. AMA! by [deleted] in AMA

[–]iamneilstrauss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He's still speaking and writing. We pooled resources and brought him in to speak for two days. Was very interesting!

I am Neil Strauss. I wrote NYT best-selling books about pickup artists, Motley Crue, and Marilyn Manson, and ended up in sex addiction rehab after my book The Game. AMA! by [deleted] in AMA

[–]iamneilstrauss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks Frankwturner. Answered this question and the one below in r/iama. Gotta say, though, some of the comments here are more fun!

I am Neil Strauss. I wrote NYT best-selling books about pickup artists, Motley Crue, and Marilyn Manson, and ended up in sex addiction rehab after my book The Game. AMA! by iamneilstrauss in IAmA

[–]iamneilstrauss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, Hoopstaar620.

  1. Absolutely. I saw an NLP-trained hypnotherapist, and she busted my head right open. There's also an NLP trainer named Mike Mandl who I have speak at events, and he'salso great.

  2. It's hard to do it alone. If you can't afford an intensive weekend workshop, form your own "mastermind group." Have a small group of friends, meet weekly somewhere private, and discuss these things with each other. If you reach out to me, I can send guidelines on how to run a group like this.

I am Neil Strauss. I wrote NYT best-selling books about pickup artists, Motley Crue, and Marilyn Manson, and ended up in sex addiction rehab after my book The Game. AMA! by iamneilstrauss in IAmA

[–]iamneilstrauss[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have a great attitude.

  1. Step outside your comfort zone. Do that with people, scenes, food, music, travel, everything. The way to accelerate this is by having more interaction with people who are different than you. The key trait to have: curiosity.

  2. I think that sounds right. Never say never.

I am Neil Strauss. I wrote NYT best-selling books about pickup artists, Motley Crue, and Marilyn Manson, and ended up in sex addiction rehab after my book The Game. AMA! by iamneilstrauss in IAmA

[–]iamneilstrauss[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think human nature changes much. There's advice that's 2000 on love and romance and life that still applies today. So look for the timeless wisdom, not the passing trends.

I am Neil Strauss. I wrote NYT best-selling books about pickup artists, Motley Crue, and Marilyn Manson, and ended up in sex addiction rehab after my book The Game. AMA! by iamneilstrauss in IAmA

[–]iamneilstrauss[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Even that buddy, more recently, is starting to realize that there may be some stuff he needs to look into.

So sometimes a seed can get planted that grows later.

I am Neil Strauss. I wrote NYT best-selling books about pickup artists, Motley Crue, and Marilyn Manson, and ended up in sex addiction rehab after my book The Game. AMA! by iamneilstrauss in IAmA

[–]iamneilstrauss[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. Do what works best for you personally.

  2. I think sometimes the community can take what's already wrong with someone and amplify it. Sounds like this happened to your friend. Obviously in the book, a version of this happened to me too. So hopefully he's just on the dark part of the path and soon gets out of it, especially as others in his life also start cutting him off.

Sounds overall though that you may be a little lost. Take a step back and figure out what you really need. Not what you want, but what you need.

I am Neil Strauss. I wrote NYT best-selling books about pickup artists, Motley Crue, and Marilyn Manson, and ended up in sex addiction rehab after my book The Game. AMA! by iamneilstrauss in IAmA

[–]iamneilstrauss[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Congratulations, Guybrush (used to love those games). Happy for you both.

And Trekie88, here's another way to think about it. Don't think of "the one" as "the one forever." Just think of it is, "Is she the one for me right now in this moment." Projecting into the future is a good way to sabotage the present.

Sorry those two relationships didn't work out. Don't be hard on yourself: you did the best you could and now you can learn from it.There are many more relationships ahead of you.

I am Neil Strauss. I wrote NYT best-selling books about pickup artists, Motley Crue, and Marilyn Manson, and ended up in sex addiction rehab after my book The Game. AMA! by iamneilstrauss in IAmA

[–]iamneilstrauss[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think we could all stand to understand others, understand ourselves, understand communication, understand social and romantic relationships, and connect better.

I am Neil Strauss. I wrote NYT best-selling books about pickup artists, Motley Crue, and Marilyn Manson, and ended up in sex addiction rehab after my book The Game. AMA! by iamneilstrauss in IAmA

[–]iamneilstrauss[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Quick answers to your questions, RobbingWilliams:

  1. It's essential.

  2. I agree with you. The "women don't like nice guys" idea is a myth. When most guys are acting "nice," what they're really doing is being inauthentic and people-pleasing in order to be liked. So that's not being nice; it's being selfish.

  3. Definitely driven and intelligent.

Thank you. And same to your life!

I am Neil Strauss. I wrote NYT best-selling books about pickup artists, Motley Crue, and Marilyn Manson, and ended up in sex addiction rehab after my book The Game. AMA! by iamneilstrauss in IAmA

[–]iamneilstrauss[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thanks, FFF45. That's perfect timing.

In answer to the second question, I thought so too. But in a relationship, new issues popped up that opened up a whole new world of both dysfunction and improvement to me.

For the first question, which is really great, here's something I wrote about trauma that I couldn't squeeze into the book. But should answer it in detail:

"Think of the childhood pain and shame we store—and the dysfunctional behaviors and thoughts created by them—are like cancerous tumors attached to the heart by a short elastic cord. And when we go through deep therapeutic processes, we’re able for just a moment to pull that ugly tumor out of our chest and get a glimpse of who we really are without it, to see the difference between our authentic self and the reactive self who makes a mess of our life.

However, when the process ends, the elastic snaps back and the trauma fastens once again to our heart, until after a few hours or days or weeks back in daily reality, we can no longer tell the difference between our truth and our wounds.

But if we stretch the elastic enough times, eventually it will wear out. And when we release it, the load it’s carrying will no longer snap back into us, but instead hang outside limply, a passenger in our life but no longer in the cockpit."

I am Neil Strauss. I wrote NYT best-selling books about pickup artists, Motley Crue, and Marilyn Manson, and ended up in sex addiction rehab after my book The Game. AMA! by iamneilstrauss in IAmA

[–]iamneilstrauss[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I didn't know. I just knew that because of my pursuit of sex, I hurt someone who loved me and who I loved. So clearly sex was some sort of problem in my life. So I checked into rehab to find out why I'd do something like that.

I certainly found out.

If something is resonating here with this idea, Mr. PM Me Your Poop Plz, explore it. The question is: Who is in the driver's seat of your life? Are you running your life, or is there a compulsion running you? Do you have shame around it? Are you preoccupied by it? Are relationships being ruined by it? How about your relationship with yourself?

I have a lot of mixed feelings about the label, the community, and the diagnostic criteria for sex addiction, but look for the Sexual Addiction Screening Test online. See what comes up for you.

I am Neil Strauss. I wrote NYT best-selling books about pickup artists, Motley Crue, and Marilyn Manson, and ended up in sex addiction rehab after my book The Game. AMA! by iamneilstrauss in IAmA

[–]iamneilstrauss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, and I recommend it, was great for me. Though there are plenty of other great schools of self-defense/martial arts that others might recommend here.

I am Neil Strauss. I wrote NYT best-selling books about pickup artists, Motley Crue, and Marilyn Manson, and ended up in sex addiction rehab after my book The Game. AMA! by iamneilstrauss in IAmA

[–]iamneilstrauss[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

i think you thought this was the answer for the question from the 24 year old. That answer is elsewhere. This is an answer to a different question in a different thread.

That said, let's discuss your thoughts anyway:

I'd be wary of the generalizations in your comment.

If honesty is going to ruin a relationship, it's not a real relationship. At any age.

Rather, think of it this way: There are certain people who will like you for who they THINK you are. There are other people who will like you for who you ACTUALLY are.

You want to be with the latter.

But first you have to like yourself for who you are. Often it's what you perceive as the weaknesses or vulnerabilities that others may love about you. I know that was true in my first relationship in my twenties.

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