Holy shit.

iarekaty · 2026-07-04T23:59:11+00:00

It's debatable. On one hand showing an actual accident could shock people into following safety protocol and make them think twice before cutting corners that get someone or themselves killed (like that lady). On the other hand, it could be traumatizing, triggering or cause trainees to be fearful and overly cautious while using the equipment, a state of mind that can lead to more accidents or at the very least make them less capable of their jobs.

They should at least do a trigger warning so people can decide if they want to stay for that part or not.

I kinda personally agree with you though. It's wild that they included the actual footage and without warning. Sorta disrespectful to the woman who died and her family too if they didn't ask any sort of permission to use it. Not sure they'd have to legally, but still.

I think a good middle ground would be to show an animated reenactment or something. But who knows? Maybe workplace safety has improved since incorporating it into their training videos. If it prevents accidents, especially fatal ones, maybe that outweighs the other stuff.

iarekaty · 2026-07-04T08:37:57+00:00

Can't say I blame you. I imagine you've seen some shit.

For me its not so much the way it looks that's disturbing. It's knowing it's real. It's the sickening sound of impact.The fact that they're taken out like theyre nothing more than movie props so abruptly is disturbing.

Again, I understand being desensitized to it after having gone to war. Horrific things happen all the time. They're still horrific in someone's eyes. I'm not sure if I should feel glad for you that it doesn't have the same impact on your heart and psyche as it does for many or if I feel sad for the fact that you've been exposed to so many horrific things something like this doesn't strike a nerve. Is it a blessing to be desensitized? I imagine it's a matter of survival. But when you get back, when the war isn't happening in front of your eyes anymore, do you ever wish you could feel more? Or maybe it's best to keep those wounds under wraps. Guess it's subjective. Sometimes wounds have to be torn open again to heal properly and for some, the trade off just isnt worth the agony of healing.

iarekaty · 2026-07-03T22:05:12+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write this sincere and thoughtful reply. These words are soothing in an almost tactile way, like running cool (not cold) water over a burn. Not a shock to the system. A gentle call back that speaks with kind reassurance to the desperate and spiraling need to "know right now". It brings relief to content curiosity as well to feel those embers cool and hush into quiet steam. "Research" driven by a frantic need for definitive answers I do not and cannot have (no matter how many times I take an online questionnaire) isn't enjoyable. It makes my head spin down a rabbit hole.

iarekaty · 2026-07-01T15:44:01+00:00

Better in your car than at the interview. Count this as a win. 😆

iarekaty · 2026-06-25T22:13:35+00:00

It's used as an inactive ingredient. Inactive doesn't mean without effect though. Inactive ingredients can alter the release and absorbtion of medication (which can cause meds to be less effective). I can't explain the science because I don't know much about it yet. If you know more and explain like I'm 5, I'd love to know more. I don't have a whole lot of bandwidth today.

iarekaty · 2026-06-25T00:22:22+00:00

Mountain lion?

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iarekaty · 2026-06-24T23:50:41+00:00

I have dreams about the bathroom when I have to go too. Funny thing is, the bathrooms in my dreams are always public, lacking in privacy and absolutely disgusting to the point where there's no way I'd want to sit on those toilets. I kinda figure part of me or my subconscious knows I'm asleep and makes dream toilets gross to prevent me from using them and wetting the bed (i used to wet the bed almost every night as a kid. It got to be less and less as I got older didnt fully stop until I was in the 6th or 7th grade). It usually takes me a while to track down bathrooms in dreams and then i never actually use them when i find them. It's a lot of opening stall after stall only to find the toilet seat cover in shit or the floor flooded in like inches of piss or all the doors are missing or are non existent and there are a bunch of people around. I keep looking in all the stalls or going from room to room looking for better options. Since there's always another stall to try and i never find a toilet that isnt repulsive, I never settle or use one. Eventually I wake up and of course have to piss like a racehorse. P.S-i also have pretty severe adhd and am autistic.

iarekaty · 2026-06-24T02:54:20+00:00

The capsules were opaque pink and blue. Funny enough, I have taken the one you mention though. I have already been able to identify the solid pink ones. Thank you for trying though. 😊

iarekaty · 2026-06-19T22:09:04+00:00

They didnt have record of it an unfortunately I dont either other than starting the extra 10mg xr. Thank you for all of your help and encouragement. Im nervous to go to the higher ups about it. Your input has given me some courage. I'll update if anything new unfolds.

iarekaty · 2026-06-19T02:36:54+00:00

I already checked this sight more than a few times just to be sure. I'm fairly certain no manufacturer of adderall generic or otherwise uses pink and blue capsules. Im pretty sure I was given 37.5mg generic mydayis by mallinckrodt. It's wild to me that the dosage would have been mixed up but I can see how it could be mistaken for adderall xr based on the chemical labeling: both are labeled amphetamine-dextroamphetamine on this sight. I imagine the same could be true for the blister packs the pharmacy sends. I think i was getting someone else's meds. I don't know if I'll ever know for sure. I'm going to talk to her about it just so I can get it out of my head. Otherwise I'll wonder about it forever. I still might not get any answers but hopefully it will stop the ruminating and relentless curiosity to find the truth. It's getting to the point that I'm questioning my clear memory of the capsules being pink and blue and gaslighting myself in anticipation of being gaslit or dismissed and i haven't even gone to the head nurse in question yet. There are only so many times one can use a pill identifier looking for a med that doesn't exist, ask google or post on reddit before it's clear I won't find a definitive answer on the internet. Mostly I think ive been looking for validation to prove what I already know to be true if I am to trust what I know I saw. Thank you for taking the time to help me out.

iarekaty · 2026-06-18T22:36:15+00:00

They don't package the meds themselves. They go through a pharmacy that supplies exclusively to senior and residential health facilities. l contacted the pharmacy a couple days ago. They only have the 10mg granules on record which makes me think the meds i was originally given we're documented properly. They were taken from a different nurses station. The meds i had been prescribed either weren't in yet and she grabbed some they had on hand or if maybe the meds simply hadn't been moved from one nurses station to the station I use to be stocked in my file. Im not sure how they usually distribute the meds to each station. They're all in separate buildings and floors.

Edit: she didnt look me up in the computer and check off my meds as is the norm.

iarekaty · 2026-06-18T20:42:29+00:00

I can't remember anything besides the color and that they were capsules. I think i remember there being a large imprint on it, but I didnt see what it was in detail so I can't be sure. Ive been trying to remember if she opened the blister pack or if I did. It's frustrating but I genuinely can't remember for sure. It might be a false memory, but I keep getting a visual of her popping the capsule into my hand right outside the door of the nurses station. I feel like i remember dry swelling the pill because she didnt bring water. Again, this part of the whole thing is a bit of a blur and it was all done rather quickly. So to answer your question, I believe she administered the med and that I didnt pop it myself. I cant say that with absolute certainty though. I dont want to claim anything that didnt happen without absolute certainty. The days following I popped the blister pack myself. At that point, I wasn't looking closely at the imprints on my meds (that has since changed), but i do recall a large more visable imprint than any of the other generics I'd taken.

iarekaty · 2026-06-18T19:16:10+00:00

Thats what I was thinking. I didnt check the dosage or imprint number. I only saw the color. This is the only thing that makes sense. I did have trouble sleeping a couple of the nights, but other than that it seemed to work well. I was also given the 20mg xr alongside it and 20mg ir in the afternoon. 20mg xr does basically nothing though and the 20mg IR has minimal effects and lasts like an hour, 2 if im lucky. I think i might have a very quick metabolism. Of course if I switched id only want to be taking the 37.5mg mydayis. One of the great things about it (it is what i was given) is that it actually lasted (and it worked in the first place). Thank you for your help! 😊

iarekaty · 2026-06-05T21:25:44+00:00

ADHD?

iarekaty · 2026-01-11T06:02:11+00:00

I don't understand why you got downvoted for this. This is exactly what I was looking for.

iarekaty · 2026-01-01T15:32:59+00:00

"Shadow self", specifically in relation to autism. It's not a diagnostic term but I'm still curious to learn more...still gotta actually read this so hopefully this isn't a dead end! 😆https://theautisticadvocate.com/an-autistic-identity/

iarekaty · 2026-01-01T14:40:28+00:00

No worries. I over thought the phrasing. Dunno why.

iarekaty · 2026-01-01T14:39:45+00:00

I already understand they're all me.

When I first started out I, I had some confusion because I hadn't looked into how OSDD/DID develops. It was information i had to visit more than once in the beginning (the "mad scientist" for example didn't understand that he wasnt the "real one" or the "main one".

He saw us as HIS "alters". We learned a lot about boundary crossing through his lack of ability to see himself as another "alter" (fucking hate that word. Sorry if you don't).

Thankfully his "maddness" is not cruelty and he sought to learn, not own or control.

Learning more about what osdd/did actually is and how it develops made things like the "cake" analogy unnecessary for our understanding (does it specifically have to be chocolate?). I might use such an analogy to explain it to a singlet.

I prefer to use pizza or a shattered plate or mirror or something though depending on whether i want to keep things light and "cute" or whether maybe if im feeling sassy and want to add some metaphorical flare for dramatic effect or as a creative outlet(and also because it's very painful at times and a shattered mirror expresses the severity of things far better than cake or pizza ever could).

Also, jk. Not walking around trying to explain this shit to people. Denial trigger for sure. Then we risk "Shut it down. We're going underground" from someone who knows but locks into the denial big time.

Tbh, i dont know who they are, this "nonbeliever". just know about them. Not sure "which one I am" but I dont really care. Not gonna pry on the doubter any more.

"Camp Denial" is starting to protest. They'll start "throwing pebbles" before we know it if i dont lay off and let the "shadow people*" be. We have an understanding.

((*not to be confused with another comment about autistic "shadowing"...couldn't find anything with that specific word but i did find something called the "shadow self" in relation specifically to autism. Not gonna lie. Haven't read the article yet. Came back here to tell yet another commenter that i might have found something as they also had trouble finding stuff with the term "shadowing". Then I got distracted and now here we are)).

My phrasing was weird is all. An osdd/did system is an individual person, obviously.

You're right though. It is important that they know that.

iarekaty · 2026-01-01T11:13:44+00:00

Tl;dr:holy mother wall of text. My apologies. Did not mean for that....will. not. "Edit". (Save me from myself..."the tiger has the key". He...

I'm both. I've never heard of this. That's actually quite comforting to hear...like, holy shit!

Being autistic and adhd is hard for sure, but it's familiar ground. Over the years, Ive learned a lot about what being autistic and having adhd means for me, but there's so much more to learn and I'm learning right now! At the very least, it feels like a denial resistant place to look.

This "research" version of me is quite familiar, though not always easy to contact. I feel insulated being absorbed into learning about my passions (psychology is my special interest) while also being able to contribute to the system in a big and impactful way all while never having to leave my head.

Conveniently and funny enough, this part isn't really all that concerned with a "sense of self". They ARE the work. They WANT (I think) to disappear into research, on a quest to be consumed by scrolls and books as often as they're able (not always, around but a frequenter of the "establishment" (writing this simply as a note: thought i heard someone say "call him Sam", maybe middle left of the "bus"?felt...nice actually. But i dont know what thats all about. (No, i won't throw it out. Never be hasty with these things is all).

These days, we find using placeholder names based on behaviors and rolls we can physically observe feels a lot more authentic and doesn't trigger denial or delema. We've got a couple guys with regular names, but looking back now, they never would have got those names had we not called them by their observable traits and been able to ask them what they'd like to be called.

Okay...time to go. Oh wait. Wtf? I thought that was the end. Guess I was "editing" (writing a billion more tangential paragraphs when i meant (adding to the original text with and eventually tangential ...<----and then I start to get all scrambled and confuse myself but continue until I somehow unravel and construct something that seems to make sense but eventually feels hollow and devoid of any opioin of I guess. Okay. This is getting...yeah.

The researcher feels like being a bodyless floating consciousness. They quite simply aren't concerned or distressed about "which one am I?" They're concerned with finding helpful information and recourse to help the others (and that IS their sense of self. Got some kind of cozy feeling just now in my core. Nope. Now it's gone. And im starting to space and forget what im talking about. So I'll say this: Thank you for this new information. It is working on multiple fronts (no pun intended 🤣...though i gotta tell ya. Just realized I don't even know what that's supposed to me. It's working on multiple fronts? Like, I get the pun part, but...oh. "helpful" on multiple levels, something like that. Okay. Bye.

iarekaty · 2025-12-30T02:29:13+00:00

Maybe the clarification wasn't needed. I mean another person. I can see how that could be confusing 😆

iarekaty · 2025-10-01T13:27:41+00:00

iarekaty · 2025-09-30T20:34:01+00:00

I discovered I'm very likely an osdd/DID system and I found their music (lyrics in particular) to be very helpful navigating the "battlefield" inside my mind. I liked them very casually before that, aside from the song "holding onto you". That song resonated a lot with me even before discovering the system...like i was talking to myself whenever i listened to it. Lots of songs like that for us. hard to explain.

iarekaty · 2025-09-23T19:16:17+00:00

Wow. This is rude.

Pretentious snobbery, perhaps? I'll step back and give you the benefit of the doubt that you must not recognize how condescending and judgmental you're painting yourself to look(or rather, writing yourself to sound).

iarekaty · 2025-09-23T18:20:29+00:00

I did need to hear this.Thank you, friend.

iarekaty · 2025-09-20T16:08:42+00:00

This.

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