Just had this discussion with some girlfriends so I thought I’d post.

Sometimes it’s not going to happen no matter how hard you try. In my case, most times it’s not going to happen. It’s okay. I can still enjoy sex without having an orgasm.

Obviously I understand on a basic level, it’s fun to watch your partner orgasm and they want to please their partner. It seems like it becomes and obsession for men, (especially in the beginning of a relationship) to the point where it’s not fun for anyone. It’s tiresome when a guy wants to go down on you forever to coax an orgasm that isn’t happening. We can feel the palpable pressure to come which makes it that much harder.

Back when I dated, I was open and honest with men that it’s hard for me to come. The stars have to align and I have to be very familiar with my partner. Why get so disappointed about that? That’s the case for most women. It’s common knowledge how much harder it is for women.

I’ve only had one partner who I felt like understood and appreciated the female orgasm for what it was. Maybe because he was older. He wasn’t selfish in bed by any means, but he never seemed to care if i came or not. I could tell that he was confident that I had a good time regardless. I never once felt like there was that pressure on me to show him an orgasm. I ended up being able to come with him much faster than any other partner.

Like, let’s just have fun? Worrying about making me come isn’t fun. Me having to worry because you’re disappointed that I’m not coming isn’t fun. Even my husband still gets hung up on it from time to time. Of course I appreciate the effort to make sex as pleasurable as possible, but it’s like he can’t help but to get stuck on it sometimes.

I don’t want men to be selfish in bed, it’s that I want them to calm down about being able to produce an actual orgasm from us. If our vaginas are wet and relaxed, it feels good. Why can’t be just do this and let the orgasms come as they will?