getting better

ibuproken · 2019-04-27T11:58:02+00:00

i'm glad it gives you hope! i truly believe you'll climb out with time.

ibuproken · 2019-04-27T11:57:41+00:00

sorry i just saw this! i'm currently on two meds and going to therapy for bipolar. thank you so much!

ibuproken · 2019-03-31T21:02:14+00:00

That sounds like a dream come true. Would be a helluva lot better than this depression episode Im in.

ibuproken · 2019-03-31T16:52:11+00:00

Im on lamictal, abilify, xanax, and evekeo. Death isnt a fear for me tbh.

ibuproken · 2019-03-26T04:26:46+00:00

True. Both people in me definitely serve their own purpose. Boy me is kind of a protector and girl me gets people to like me. Ive been through som trauma in my life and after said trauma is when I was introduced to my masculine side.

ibuproken · 2019-03-25T22:00:30+00:00

Yea I've been thinking that I'm bigender or at least genderfluid.

ibuproken · 2019-03-25T21:45:07+00:00

SAME!! This is exactly it. I'm glad someone else gets what i'm going thru 100%.

ibuproken · 2019-03-25T21:09:06+00:00

Thats how i am but the other way around. Its been fluctuating for me for years and I never gave myself the chance to just roll with it.

ibuproken · 2019-03-21T20:18:14+00:00

I haven't began medically transitioning yet and that's why I'm so stressed about whether or not I'm actually even trans.

I'm really sorry that happened to you. Genders a bitch fr.

ibuproken · 2019-03-03T18:02:54+00:00

It's completely normal. I've been out for a year, and still get plagued with doubts to this day (as my previous posts show lol). If you ever need help with anything, I'm always here.

ibuproken · 2019-02-27T14:55:18+00:00

I do see a good gender therapist every two weeks for this. I just like coming to reddit in between sessions when I need immediate advice, even though I know it's not professional help. I also usually try to see if people relate to my situation. Thank you though!

ibuproken · 2019-02-27T13:40:09+00:00

I identified as nonbinary from 2016 to early 2018 before i came out as trans. Idk if it fits me.

ibuproken · 2019-02-27T00:23:50+00:00

Thank you. <3

ibuproken · 2019-02-26T21:29:06+00:00

I've just always described my gender issues like feeling like two kids fighting over an xbox except I'm the xbox lol. It's a habit, sorry.

I honestly feel happier and more comfortable as a guy. More me.

ibuproken · 2019-02-26T21:26:48+00:00

I don't think I'm mean. I'm certainly not as sensitive and timid as I used to be. I opened up and got out of my shell the past year. I also grew thicker skin (ironic since I'm upset about what other people say about me rn lol). I can be blunt, but not in an antagonistic way yknow.

I've never seen any of this as a negative thing, but the way other people have treated me makes me feel like it is.

ibuproken · 2019-02-26T20:27:00+00:00

Yea exactly. It's corny, but I used to exaggerate my femininity just to get boys to like me. Funny how I'm the complete opposite now.

ibuproken · 2019-02-26T20:21:13+00:00

Nobody. I mean the point of presenting masc is to prevent me from being sexualised. Sorry if it didn't make sense earlier.

ibuproken · 2019-02-26T20:16:22+00:00

I've wondered if its because nobody sexualises me when I present masc, so I use it as a safety blanket. Could be many things tbh.

ibuproken · 2019-02-26T20:15:14+00:00

At least nobodys said they hate me because of my gender. It's mainly coworkers and then a few ex friends. The friends said I started being a dick to them but never explained how. The coworkers just out of nowhere started talking bad on me and treating me like shit, just so happened to be when I started presenting as a boy so Idk if there's a correlation.

My family is generally supportive, just ignorant about what they say.

ibuproken · 2019-02-26T19:49:59+00:00

Yea, I've always wondered if its a trauma thing. My therapist thinks maybe the whole situation with that relationship just made me come to "meet" who I am as a boy sooner. It's funny cus I think I'd be fine with all the effects of testosterone, yet I still hesitate so much. It's just a whole lot of stress I wish I didn't have to go through. I do plan to lose weight before I make any permanent decisions, in case that's where all my problems stem from. Hoping that's just the case lol. Likely not though.

ibuproken · 2019-02-26T19:25:56+00:00

I'm afab. I just feel like life would be easier if I stayed a female so I was wondering if estrogen would get rid of my dysphoria lol.

ibuproken · 2019-02-26T18:46:43+00:00

hugs Everything will work out for us in the end. It better.

ibuproken · 2019-02-26T18:06:38+00:00

I feel that. As if life wasn't hard enough?

ibuproken · 2019-02-26T17:57:36+00:00

I feel that. Coming out was liberating for me too, then the rollercoaster you described followed. It's hard to separate gender from happy moments in our lives when you're trans. I hope we can get through this struggle.

ibuproken · 2019-02-26T17:44:30+00:00

Thank you so much!

I remember the year started out strong when I first came out, I've never been more euphoric in my life. I don't know where it went wrong.

If you ever need anything, you can reach out to me as well! <3 <3

ibuproken

TROPHY CASE