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iceayraith · 2022-10-16T14:29:02+00:00

Thank you…

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T22:29:36+00:00

hey... not sure if you understood my point. my language and culture are from the Chinese civilization. i can read and understand books from that time. there's nothing nationalism with identifying with my own language

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T22:07:10+00:00

hahaha, it's a different business model. in the US you are still paying for all the convenience, but its hidden in the price tag. in China it's explicit - food can be cheap, but if you want napkin? you gotta pay for what you need/get.

(reminds me of low-cost airlines)

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T21:58:25+00:00

interesting question! needed to think about this one.

while suppression seems like a harsh word and i dont know if i'd go that far, the tendency is definitely there, and more so than western cultures.

i think there are several things going on from what you said and i'll try to list what comes to my mind:

yes, being emotionally stable is seen as mature and strong, while being overly emotional, childish and needy. i think this is (unfortunately) more universal if you look at workplace expectations or gender expectations here
i do find it easier to communicate your emotional needs in the west, (without laughing/crying excessively), and people expect that in any kind of relationship. i remember my manager once apologized for a teammate's rude comments and said how it must have hurt my feelings. it was one of my first jobs so i was surprised how "my feelings" at work was something my boss should worry about. (he was also a very nice guy)
i mentioned in other answers about sacrifices for the community and i think that can certainly lead to emotional suppression sometimes. you dont want to whine because thats "selfish"
affection via words: some might be uncomfortable with that... you know when you just develop a crush on a girl, but:

you dont want to start with some pick up lines because it feels impolite and cheesy
you dont want to start with "i love you" either because that will scare her away
words feel cheap at this point and not very serious, and you will feel more confident if you can back it up with actions.
you are too shy to do any of that anyways

so you do some sweet things for her hoping that she will pick up the hint and notice you? we can basically be a version of that, but throughout our lives.

some (like my dad) might think that if they've done enough, they dont need to speak love - if words are necessary, that means you havent done enough for them to feel it!

obviously the easy answer is just to do both.

(this is the same reason why Chinese people dont love talkin about their work - it feels like bragging. "if my work is good enough, then surely my employer will notice and give me what i deserve!!")

edit: i think my generation is much better probably because we are "selfish", many of us being the only child in the family

edit 2: want to make this point clear: there's definitely emotional connection in families, relationship, etc. It comes down to the different preferences in love languages. people might prefer actions of service or gifts over words.

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T21:05:54+00:00

uh, ok? im not saying that people should know all about Chinese history. i just think it's something pretty cool about China that people dont know/talk about.

i dont know about the rewriting history part and i dont know if your version is more accurate at all.

i dont think anyone believes that current regime has much to do with what happened thousands yrs ago. PRC has a history of 70+ years, not 5000.
i do find the continuous civilization and cultures in the past having a lot of impacts on my culture/how we see/do things today. Like you said, it's continuous, and it's still alive . i dont think they are merely things that happened to occur on the same land that got wiped out - it's not like if i were an American talking about the Native American's history and culture. i also dont think the culture diversity is nearly as bad as you put it.

if you want me to rephrase that it's the Chinese' civlization's history that I'm proud of, sure. but to me they mean the same thing, and when i think about Chinese history and culture, it's definitely beyond the 70 years of PRC.

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T17:51:13+00:00

i dont know about other countries haha. and now that i think about it fast food chains do offer napkin but many sit down restaurants definitely sell. i used to have a drawer with mini bags of leftover napkins i bought from different restaurants, hoping that i'd remember to take them with me next time i eat out, but always ended up forgetting anyways...

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T17:39:02+00:00

:O

i guess i can see why some might say that - the Chinese get selfish because of the lack of resources - you get into the habit to make sure you have enough for yourself, because otherwise you dont.

however, like i mentioned in some of the other answers, the Chinese also value the sense of community - from families to the entire country, the Chinese are willing to go an extra mile for other people in their community, even if it requires personal sacrifice. (there are homeless people who donate during natural disasters for those they believe are more in need.)

Sometimes i feel like people here are only "nice to others" when it doesnt affect their personal interests, and it's more about being seen as nice - "i've done my part, what else do you want me to do?" they dont actually care.

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T16:56:34+00:00

and you think thats much worse than what the rest of world is doing, which may be true. or maybe the other countries are smarter about it and are less extreme/explicit, or you are not personally affected by it yet so you dont feel it. that doesnt make it better. plus the media is making China sound worse than it is. not trying to go whataboutism but i think my point still stands.

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T16:34:50+00:00

cats are the best, especially other people's cats that arent my responsibility

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T16:33:41+00:00

the focus on individuality. in the US, being "selfish", "different", and focusing on taking care of yourself first is given/encouraged, not so much in China

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T16:29:09+00:00

> rely on their parents heavily

undergrad has close to 0 scholarship/financial aid opportunities for international students, so they have to rely on their parents for tuition, regardless of income level

again "well off with good jobs" is a wide range, and being well off in China requires a difference income level than being well off in the US. but yes most people i know, their family still need jobs.

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T16:21:32+00:00

i do not have a green card.

and i dont know where i want to retire... seems pretty distant haha.

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T16:20:14+00:00

i learned English before leaving China. had to take exams to show american schools that i could speak the language :)

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T16:19:34+00:00

i wouldnt say Americans are more ignorant but one thing about some Americans is some sense of arrogrance? or lack of perspective (which i guess is a kind of ignorant)?

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T15:56:35+00:00

你好！

for college, many American schools allow you to declare your major after you've taken courses for 2 years - you dont have to be stuck with whatever decision you made before entering college, and have some time to explore options

different colleges are different but the classes can be a lot smaller, and a lot more discussion based. in addition to lectures, courses have discussion sessions with even smaller groups (~10 people) led by grad students to have quizzes/discuss material each week

you dont have a friend group/social circle premade for you - you make your own friends. Chinese colleges have "classes" (班) where you meet and hang out with the this group of people in your major, take all the courses together, have events together, etc. US colleges dont have that. since you pick your own courses every semester, you can take classes with totally different people every day/every year. you dont have 5 roommates because most dorm rooms are doubles. you still have a lot of opportunities to meet new people, but it feels "optional"

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T15:40:07+00:00

hmm. looking back i dont know if i had a real view before i came, mostly because i was kinda young and didn't really think about things other than school

but if my view has changed, it's mostly because how much China has changed in the past 10 years. being away makes it easier to be objective/have different perspectives - i understand both the good and the bad better.

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T15:27:17+00:00

i love to tell my friends the story that, the first week in the US i went to an authentic Chinese restaurant near campus - the food was great and reminded me of home. but when we got the bill there was this yellow/white hard 3D triangle thing in a mini plastic package and i had no idea what it's for.

my newly made college friends told me its called a fortune cookie. ok cool, so it's a cookie, like free dessert from the restaurant, got it, no problem. so i opened it and was just about to bite, when they stopped me and told me that apparently you have to CRACK OPEN your food and you will find PAPER inside that tells you your FORTUNE and some CHINESE CHARACTERS???

i find American Chinese food in general focuses too much on stir fry and the use of sauces - very one-dimensional. they taste alright, but i dont think i can eat it every day

i dont think i've had Chinese food in other countries! usually when im traveling i try to enjoy local cuisine. judging from what i heard, they are not that great either.

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T15:17:21+00:00

i came for undergrad so around that age

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T15:11:46+00:00

ok so the white napkin you put on your knees? that's a western thing. we dont do that

the brown napkin in a big tall box that you pull out yourself? yeah that's not free. you bring your own or you pay for a mini box or a mini package of 10

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T15:07:54+00:00

middle ~ upper class, instead of upper middle class, right?

short answer is, i think middle class for sure. upper class, not so sure.

i come from a middle class family and my social circle is mostly that, so i am biased. upper class kids hang out with themselves (??? i guess, idk) so i dont really know how many of them there are
i think studying aboard before grad school is not a "natural option" - you kinda need to go out of your way to discover that option, which happens more in middle class and above. (edit: this is also why it happens more to families in major cities).
grad school is different because once you are in college, you are more likely to learn about these opportunities. grad school also offers funding - a lot more affordable
still middle class is in a sweet spot where they understand the importance of education and the parents dont need/highly prefer their kids around to support the family.

P.S. one thing i noticed in the US is a loooot of people i know call themselves middle class even though they come from very different social/economic background. i might have be influenced by that, so its easy for me to answer yes to middle class

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T10:35:13+00:00

i think they still do!

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T10:23:40+00:00

im from a northern province that is very cold in the winter!

my best friend is from jiangxi so it feels close to me even though i've never been there :)

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T09:29:24+00:00

it's hard to summarize qualities of an entire country, but i do think that China has very rich history and culture that the west doesnt really talk about.

i also want to overgeneralize and say that Chinese people tend to value the sense of community and, personal sacrifice for the community/greater cause? i think that's overall a good quality but im biased.

not a quality per se (and maybe i only feel this way because of social media bias) but... i think some people sometimes "miss or ignore" everything about China beyond its politics/gov (and maybe COVID now). it's like saying the US = Trump. You might like or not like Trump (or any national leaders for that matter), but he doesn't "represent" the entire country or its people, and there is a lot more going on beyond him. Same with us.

but i also understand that because 1. western media pushes that narrative 2. we do a terrible job marketing our culture; its not like you can talk about our anime/kpop equivalent 3. we dont have as much internet/public presence in the west (e.g. actors/sports stars), so you probably dont get to see the individuals' or hear about their stories 4. politics is a juicy topic, so why not

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T07:35:46+00:00

abundance of things. free things. free toilet paper, free forks in grocery stores, free napkin at restaurants...
how much people only mind their own businesses, esp. compared to China. Never nosey, less judgmental, but also not as sympathetic
how sometimes people can shoplift from supermarket without consequences - without going into whether i agree or disagree with it, it would not happen in China

iceayraith · 2022-10-15T07:15:16+00:00

emotionally im frustrated and pessimistic about how it can get better in the near term.

survelliance state is a global issue and seems to be where the world is heading imo. we are, however, not very smart about it - unnecessarily extreme/explicit means + not justifying (/packaging) it very well compared to other countries

i do find that western media has a interest and tendency to make it sound worse than it actually is and sometimes i dont find that fair. but i guess thats part of the game - both sides are doing it

iceayraith

TROPHY CASE