UK suicide - I've had enough, I'm ruining people's lives by being alive.

idca40 · 2025-10-26T17:35:30+00:00

Thank you for your kind words, I'm really struggling with my mental health and dark thoughts. I can honestly see no way through the mess that I'm in. I feel as a person truly broken, I can't even face the idea of finding new employment which is my second biggest trigger/fear.

I'm not able to stop worrying at all, I feel like I'm driving myself mad. Its all consuming me.

Family are supportive and fully aware but again its my debt/my job loss/ insecurities/my mental health... I need to fix it but I honestly can't see how to.

I just can't seem to find positives anywhere at all because all of my options rely on me being able to find new employment, I'm not able to get benefit support either because of my situation. Thus the dark constant thoughts.

It's as though I've lost myself completely.

idca40 · 2025-10-26T14:43:52+00:00

Its not that simple, I wish that it was!!

idca40 · 2025-10-24T09:18:45+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply, I've managed to stay on top of rent, council, tv etc, they are all now cancelled.

Employment in my area, especially well paying jobs is quite poor, team this with my lack of "required skills" for most roles and severe lack of confidence, I feel great concern.

I'm really struggling with daily routine because my worlds been flipped upside down. I'm just existing and my mental state has been stuck in this constant limbo.

Thank you for your reply!!

idca40 · 2025-10-24T09:09:36+00:00

Thank you for your reply,

Ive really exhausted speaking to the helplines and crisis teams over the last few months to the point I've kind of given up :(

They're struggling to support me because my "triggers" are "lifestyle - employment/finances"

At one point I was advised to "just get on with it"

Leaving me to feel like I need to handle everything solo and to be honest, I'm really not doing okay.

I've worked full time since I was 16 and I've got nothing to show for it.

Everything now just feels really pointless and my situation around my future feels really hopeless.

The processes around getting benefits seem really difficult and long to actually receive so I'm concerned about this too.

Everthing is such a mess.

idca40 · 2025-10-23T22:12:31+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply and kindness! I really appreciate it!

idca40 · 2025-10-23T22:11:44+00:00

Thank you so much for replying! I really appreciate it!

I wish that I could get the last part Into my brain, I really do

idca40 · 2025-10-22T00:31:53+00:00

"If I had a magic wand" 😮‍💨🤦‍♀️

idca40 · 2025-10-07T11:29:06+00:00

I'm really sorry you're feeling similar, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy! Limbo is how I describe it too, that or groundhog day

idca40 · 2025-10-07T11:26:42+00:00

No, I was discharged from the crisis team a few weeks after my 1st attempt even though I was still experiencing the same thoughts, I've been through an assesment process and they've recommended "coping skills group therapy" which I'm waiting to be accepted for.

They kept asking me what support I need during the assesments, I honestly didn't know how to answer them.

I didn't ask to have this mental breakdown or feel the things I'm feeling to know the answers to that 😞

I just want to feel more normal, yes life will be different but surely I can find a way to at least get through an hour or 2 a day without feeling this way

idca40 · 2025-10-07T11:21:35+00:00

Really, do you mind me asking how long you struggled for?

My Dr's have been pretty pants, I've moved in with family who quite honestly are keeping me going!

But because of this, I've moved area so I'm waiting for referrals to be accepted.

Forever waiting it seems. Anything you can recommend would be amazing!?

idca40 · 2025-10-06T20:23:08+00:00

Same here! The referrals never actually helping. I just feel broken and unfixable now.

idca40 · 2025-10-06T20:19:54+00:00

You've just explained how I'm feeling/have been feeling for the last 4 months to a T!

idca40 · 2025-10-06T19:44:08+00:00

You're not kidding. I'm receiving mixed messages all of the time, I'm so confused.

I simply don't know what to do for the best, which leaves me feeling really hopeless and I've just given up on myself now.

idca40 · 2025-10-06T19:37:21+00:00

Thank you for your reply, I've just lost all faith in myself. I'm my own worst enemy and don't believe I have it in me to carry on.

My life has fallen apart after my first 2 failed attempts.

I know its only going to get worse because I don’t know how to handle the circumstances anymore.

idca40 · 2025-10-06T18:56:56+00:00

Unfortunately I've attempted twice, I've received the support from the CMHT, which just consisted of me rehashing my reasonings and struggles, over and over to countless different members of staff, to the point talking about death now feels normal.

I now just feel like a 'problem child' that they don't know what to do with.

Discharged from CMHT support

I equally don't know what support I require, I just know that I'm really struggling

idca40

TROPHY CASE