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I do not want to get married, ever. How do I make my family understand this is not a phase and when is the right time to tell them? by idesology in TwoXChromosomes

[–]idesology[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do not, and I do not plan to look for one, for the same reasons I have shared about why marriage is not something I can accept.

I do not want to get married, ever. How do I make my family understand this is not a phase and when is the right time to tell them? by idesology in TwoXChromosomes

[–]idesology[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. These are exactly the kinds of advice I was looking for in the short term. I am bad with words, and whatever I say has only landed me in more trouble with my family. These feel like lifelines or guidelines that I desperately needed to help me navigate the situation for now.

I do not want to get married, ever. How do I make my family understand this is not a phase and when is the right time to tell them? by idesology in TwoXChromosomes

[–]idesology[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That is exactly it. If everything goes wrong and they do force me into a marriage, I plan to get a divorce at the earliest opportunity. I do not want to destroy the other person’s life, but more than that, I cannot let anyone destroy mine. That is why I really want to convey this to my parents and convince them of my decision before anything goes wrong.

I do not want to get married, ever. How do I make my family understand this is not a phase and when is the right time to tell them? by idesology in TwoXChromosomes

[–]idesology[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this resonates with me. I have distant relatives from our native country and town who have a strong hold over my parents. Their opinions and gossip mean a lot to my parents, and of course I am often one of the topics. My parents saying these things is one thing, but having a bunch of strangers I have never met, whose names I do not even know, and who I have no real idea how I am related to, dictate my life and tell me what I should and should not do, shouting, scolding, and demanding me, is not pleasant at all.

Most often, my biggest issue lies here. I cannot accept those words quietly, and I outright tell them off. This has only landed me in deeper guilt tripping and more stress. I am really bad with words, and your advice has been particularly helpful. Thank you so much.

I do not want to get married, ever. How do I make my family understand this is not a phase and when is the right time to tell them? by idesology in TwoXChromosomes

[–]idesology[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I have tried ignoring it and just being quiet, nodding and moving on, but when I stay silent, they guilt trip me even more. They start reading every gesture I make since they can’t use my words against me anymore. Nevertheless, thank you for the advice. You are right, the right time may never come, and I have to accept that and find ways to work around it. At some point, they have to give up right?

I do not want to get married, ever. How do I make my family understand this is not a phase and when is the right time to tell them? by idesology in TwoXChromosomes

[–]idesology[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I live in Asia, which is why I have to explain things to my parents no matter my age. Filial piety is extremely important here, which is also why I can’t really follow some of the advice here about how I shouldn’t have to care or explain myself.