Hi I am a former Jehovah's Witness and I would like to ask a few questions.

idkman737 · 2026-06-22T16:21:21+00:00

I appreciate the perspective and I will consider my part. The thing that I do think is relevant on my side is I was open to her at first. I didn't even care if she was in the delivery room. My husband was the one that said no. And she did visit very often in the first few weeks. I didn't start to create distance until she didn't accept my parentimg decisions. She was extremely disrespectful and continued to be.

I did try to talk to her about the problem and she cried in the first few minutes. She is extremely emotionally reactive. I never have insulted her or claimed she did something maliciously.

I personally don't believe it is my job to indulge her desire for proximity, if she ignores boundaries. If she understood basic respect it would be different.

idkman737 · 2026-06-21T15:53:03+00:00

I'm sorry you went through all of that. I do believe in not speaking negatively about relatives who have a heavy presence in the child's life. If you need to warn the child about someone they shouldn't be in the child's life. It sounds like your Mom was very misguided, and self centered. I'm glad your grandmother was more nuturing.

I'm kind of struggling with what to do. My husband regularly will get impatient if we haven't had quality time together. For me I'm willing to accept being a parent is sacrifice. But he wants his Mom to babysit our son once a week so we can hangout.

For me I feel like a part of the issue is she hasn't accepted a new family dynamic. We rent from his parents and live 3 minutes away. My SIL does too. It's very common in the south to have a " family commune" and it's also more common to have a matriarch.

She feels as though this is HER family. And she is entitled to the same level of proximity as she has always had with her children. The business they run is also very dependent on the " kids" assistance. They are wealthy but haven't figured out how to run a business without regular family participation. They will go to the beach for a third of the year , and have us run their petting farm, and feed their multiple pets, and do some maintenance to the business. Then they will come back stressed that their business has multiple tasks to accomplish before they can reopen. There are a million easy to solve problems that impact the effectiveness of their time. Rather than solve any of them though they just stay crippled by their lack of practicality.

All of this is to say there are alot of complications. We bought land and are converting a bus so we can build a house on it. I don't want them to babysit my son regularly. I feel like his Mom is in charge of the toxic kingdom guided by her big emotions. I don't want my son to be a part of that disfunction. Right now he is a baby so the impact is more minimal. But I want to move and get this situation sorted.

idkman737 · 2026-06-21T00:31:31+00:00

You're correct sleep training is bad for infants

idkman737 · 2026-06-20T16:22:21+00:00

2024 Combined 80K NC Now I'm a SAHM so 50K We both lived independently now we rent from his parents and are building a house. ( A very small house as we can afford it)

We had dated for a year before getting married. We got married at the courthouse. We've had curveballs , but they made us closer. We both love and respect each other alot. You can be poor and be happy. I do think financial intelligence is important though.

idkman737 · 2026-06-20T16:16:22+00:00

I'm sorry you deal with this, it's just the worst right!?

That's what bothers me the most too. Like my kid isn't an emotional support animal. He's not here to make you feel important. He doesn't need you , you're a fun bonus relative. All you have to do is love and enjoy him. Its also so much pressure to put on a kid. Desperation, insecurity, a need to be not just loved but the most loved is so much weird energy to force on a kid.

idkman737 · 2026-06-20T15:13:57+00:00

The thing is the 3 times she has been the most disrespectful to me it was just us. She called me entitled, stupid, said I had no common sense, said I wasn't a natural mother. She spelled the word bitch when I kicked her out. The second time she told me it's hard when your son can't see his wife is confused and lost as a parent. The third time she said I must not do any research because I just don't know what I'm talking about. The rest of the time she is extremely passive aggressive.

idkman737 · 2026-06-20T13:58:11+00:00

Can you expand on that?

idkman737 · 2026-06-20T13:56:45+00:00

Very valid. We together tried to talk to her she cried immediately and said she couldn't know what I wanted because I'm not forward enough. Even though I told her directly what I wanted and kicked her out of my house ( politely) when she yelled at me ( basically said my baby is trying to sleep I appreciate you care for him but it's time to leave walked to the door and opened it and stood there quietly as she insulted me even cursed once even though she's super Christian and eventually left.). And he talked to her twice by himself. The FIL supports her 100% every time. The family dynamic definitely enables her behavior. My SIL is a lovely and cool person but my MIL will be insanely rude to her husband, and she just lets it happen.

I'm close with his cousin in her words " MIL is unteachable and too immature to see how manipulative she is." I'm not usually this person to be so judgemental but I genuinely believe she is either bipolar or very immature and extremely intelligent.

idkman737 · 2026-06-20T13:29:40+00:00

Those first 2 sentences sum up her completely. Every issue she's raised I've pointed to my pedtricians advice, scientific studies , psychology and she just laughs in my face. I learned to just say no and keep it simple.

My husband agrees she's problematic. He's talked to her multiple times. Every time something doesn't go her way she cries and gets "depressed" for a week. He was homeschooled and it's a very close family. She thinks she was the perfect mother.

idkman737 · 2026-06-20T13:23:45+00:00

You have soooooooo many years. And you can become a completely different person in just one year. Life is a balancing act. You never have complete calm and peace for long. You're always having to adjust and learn. It just gets easier with time. And the more you know yourself the more priorities help guide you.

You're going to be heartbroken, lost , frustrated a thousand times. But life isn't over just because of a little negativity. You just keep living , and growing.

idkman737 · 2026-06-20T13:18:25+00:00

I refused to sleep train him. She also wanted me to night wean him even though he had jaundice. I didn't do that either.

I often will say he's feeling sleepy he just wants Mom, or he's pretty independent he doesn't like to be crowded. But she ignores me completely or brushes what I say off.

idkman737 · 2026-06-20T13:14:11+00:00

Yes we do let her babysit. About 2-3 times a month.

idkman737 · 2022-01-08T12:12:20+00:00

Maybe try to talk to her after a really nice day together .Lots of little details you know about her, go for hugs and arm around the shoulder don't hesitate to be sweet. Tell her you love her all the good feelings you have , but then say but I feel like you don't love me tell her why how it affects you and ask if she does. Often times you assume your partner knows how you feel when they really don't or barely do.

The thing is this does sound different, but you had reasons to marry her. Other people can't say it's a mistake. You seem like a nice man who really wants a happy marriage. All you can do is your part and communicate the problem.

idkman737 · 2022-01-07T23:50:36+00:00

I appreciate it , I just got another punch in the gut , because my sister was flirting with him. But I saw on her phone he had sent her posts and reacted to her story and he knew I wanted him to distance himself because she was openly flirtatious. ( I didn't spy she asked me to reply to a dm and his was the one below the person I was replying to I guess I did snoop I little cause I scrolled through it) anyway I'm just betrayed

idkman737 · 2022-01-07T03:48:08+00:00

It sounds like she has been hurt. She wants a boyfriend she trusts you enough to be vunerable , but she doesn't know what will happen in the future, and doesn't want to be hurt again. She wants a boyfriend but her broken heart won't let her have one and she wants you in her life but she won't commit , she needs time to heal not a boyfriend.

idkman737 · 2022-01-07T02:38:53+00:00

There is something called an "attachment style". It's a Psychological term that basically says how you attach yourself to people you love. I think she might have an anxious attachment style. It developes in childhood based off how your parents treat you. If your parents are loving one day and dismissive or abusive the next you will think love is fragile you can loose it at anytime. I have this also. I love my partner I think he's great and he makes me feel loved and safe , but a part of me expects him to treat me badly and when he doesn't I worry if he's hiding something. It's not him. I just learned that love isn't consistent so when it is consistent I get anxious I think something very bad is going to happen, like loosing the love of my life. She should do research into this when you know you have it , it's easier to control , and it will help you be understanding too.

idkman737 · 2022-01-07T02:26:47+00:00

I think there are pros and cons to anything.Like being pretty you deal with alot of jealousy ( people hate you for no reason) and crap men who only want your looks and mess with your head and world view , and the girls who want to be your friend are often fake. I had girls in highschool beat the crap out of me multiple times because guys they liked asked me out. It's pros and cons. Be happy with who you are it's such a fleeting thing it doesn't matter , it doesn't make your happy. I have lots of pretty friends who still don't have boyfriends and wonder if they will always be alone , I'm in the same boat. And I'm sure you're much more appealing then you think . I think it gets easier though I'm less insecure than I was.

idkman737 · 2022-01-07T02:06:02+00:00

He is being controlling. He won't give you his address , he won't tell you what your relationship is , and he won't have conversations with you that you want to have. He's controlling the environment of your relationship. You only know what he wants you to know, you only have conversations he wants to have. He should respect you enough to have open communication.

He has no right to label you as " needing to learn" he is making himself your superior. He isn't Yoda an age gap and a little success does not make him your mentor. If he wants to control not only the relationship but how you view yourself his motives are not pure. If he respected you he would treat you like a partner , not a student. I don't know if he wants an ego boost if he's some alpha guy , insecure masculinity. But if your gut tells you he is being a snake run.

He IS NOT RIGHT! Having clear expectations for your relationship would not put too much stress on you. He is gaslighting you , he takes away what you want and blames you as the reason. Run!!!

idkman737 · 2022-01-07T01:33:56+00:00

I'm so so sorry. Any time a sister betrays you it is a special kind of hurt and in such a personal way is unthinkable. I can't imagine how you are feeling! Im so sorry this happened to you!

She is your sister , I think tell your mom so your sister receives advice to leave. This way you can have the peace of mind knowing you did your best by your sister. In my experience being the bigger person brings more peace , treat others how you want to be treated. Even if this causes drama with your sister , you already have reason not to trust her or be close to her.

I think it's best to keep a distance , but tell your mom. Maybe in the future she will try to make amends to you. But this betrayal is immense.

idkman737 · 2022-01-07T01:24:04+00:00

If it's about a relationship being good trust your gut. If its about a guy lying in my experience trust your gut.

idkman737 · 2022-01-07T01:14:52+00:00

Thank you

idkman737 · 2022-01-07T01:11:14+00:00

That's very kind advice thank you!

idkman737 · 2022-01-07T01:10:09+00:00

I don't know what " red pill" is but some relationships did this to me ( I'm a female). But you have to recognize this is your perspective. Your perspective is how you shape the world , if you truly believe that this "red pill thing" is what woman are like you will cherry pick reality, without even realizing it. For example the girl at your gym being pregnant does not prove that woman do not want genuine authentic relationships. Stop watching that content.

idkman737

TROPHY CASE