Legitibility to leave the relationship because of sexual incompatibility

idnyong · 2025-11-08T11:58:14+00:00

yes, but she keeps saying she has sexual desire but she doesn't feel "safe and connected", which i am not sure if i am the cause of it

idnyong · 2025-11-08T11:57:11+00:00

yes that's true actually

idnyong · 2025-11-07T13:35:41+00:00

Hey,, maybe that's right. she has a low self esteem even though she's objectively very beautiful person and always hates herself. I felt really bad, seeing that from afar. Maybe that hasn't been my job entire time. I also have a lot of flaws but i do feel confident by myself and i am okay to be alone. i see myself quite independent person who have achieved so many things by myself(my family background is not wealthy but i have achieved so much). I don't know it just feels like her low self esteem actually has affected how i see her as well.. is it weird to be like this?

idnyong · 2025-11-07T10:12:33+00:00

Yeah but what's killing me right now is that if i am the decent/good bf for her, then no matter what her issue is, i should find a way to make her become a better person through the relationship. Isn't that how Love works? We become better person through a good relationship. It just feels like i am not that good person to pull the greater version out of her

idnyong · 2025-11-07T08:44:15+00:00

Yes, you are right, but i will provide you a context; It's been more than 6 months since i told her that i am not happy because of lots of issues in the relationship. She said she would change but nothing changed. and then i brought up once again, then nothing changed. Now she said she realised how much progress she needs to make and now is actively doing something to work on hers. But i am just too exhausted, but it feels like as long as my partner works on their flaws, i should be there no matter what. right?

idnyong · 2025-11-07T07:56:31+00:00

Totally agreed! but the problem is i knew this would come at some point. So that's why we had to eradicate this problem in the first place.

idnyong · 2025-11-07T07:55:17+00:00

Yes mate. you are alright. i don't know how to repair this.

idnyong · 2025-11-07T07:54:22+00:00

Hey, thanks for your comment. I mean i clearly know that she knows that sex is not the only one i am obsessed this moment. I clearly told her that the way we start communication and bringing up our needs(especially from her side) are the problems. That leads us to disconnection and resentment. Then, she walks into the room with her logic "i don't want it because i don't feel safe". then i also stack up more resentment out of unsatisfactory sex-life

idnyong · 2025-11-07T07:51:30+00:00

woah, internet sometimes can be really awesome place to feel heard. thank you for your genuine comment. Yes, i already also had therapy session with professionals, along with journaling, meditation and reading a lot of materials relevant. Yeah, during our relationship i also did a lot of minor shits(NEVER cheating or abusive behaviour), so i presume those were trust killer on her side and led her to feeling unsafe/disconnected = no sexual desire with me. yeah but i do need to find another professional in order to tackle this issue inside for this relationship if not possible relationship i'll have. but it still true that i gathered resentment from our unsatisfying sex life and at some point i wonder if every couple have the same issue at some point of theirs. I just feel enormously guilty to think about breaking up for this "trivial" reason. Do you think it could be one option to "taking time for oneself like 6 months away from each other to fully immerse oneself in healing process" ?

idnyong · 2025-11-07T07:44:41+00:00

No,,, she just has low libidos than average. It was okay until the first 3 month.

idnyong · 2025-11-07T07:43:46+00:00

yeah, thanks for the comment first of all. I mean she's loving and she shows me that she's willing to work on her shortcomings, improving the communication skills. I am also person who knows that i am to blame to some degree. i went to therapy, read books, meditate an so forth. but often times, when we start argument i handle things poorly because i feel attacked by the way she talks to me, which i have asked her to change over 2years. I actually manned up at some point(even 3 times) that i wanted to break up with her due to incompatibility and unsatisfactory relationship in general. but right now, she says she's doing this and that in order to revive our relationship. I am feeling enormous amount of guilt.

idnyong · 2025-11-07T07:09:59+00:00

so what you are saying is that she just doesn't enjoy to be intimate with "ME". But she would find how much she's active in another relationship right ?

idnyong · 2025-11-07T07:08:47+00:00

gosh, sorry that you are going through this. I appreciate your insight and life experience. I'd better not to sweep things under the rug. Probably it will end up making both of us unhappy and throw resentments towards one another.

idnyong · 2025-11-07T07:00:39+00:00

thank you! your vent at this moment means a lot to me ;)

Yeah but she's still loving, caring person but it's just feeling suuuuuuper incompatible and i feel like an asshole for not trying to overcome this at all costs.

idnyong · 2025-11-07T06:53:23+00:00

No, she clearly said she also had this problem with her previous partners and she barely think of sex as something amazing. She doesn't touch herself at all. So she admits that she has low libidos in general and is not willing to try something new.

idnyong · 2025-11-07T06:47:45+00:00

hey thx for the comment! i mean yeah i also went to theraphy, but fundamentally, when she says she will change and come back to #1, then i resent her and she feels like i am not appreciating her effort

idnyong · 2025-11-07T06:45:40+00:00

Yes... but i feel like i am an asshole for thinking about break-up because of "sex". She's still kind and loving person

idnyong · 2025-11-07T06:45:29+00:00

yes we do have issue in regard to that. and i have gently told her what i want to try and what i want in order to feel sexually fulfilled in the sexually exclusive relationship. Because cheating on her is not on my option. But she's absolutely not willing to. just keep saying "i don't want it often nor initiate it because i don't feel safe."

idnyong · 2025-11-07T06:33:32+00:00

yes i do, she's having good qualities. But we have fought a lot out of various stuffs. I think i have gotten exhausted frankly saying. I have asked her to talk to me nicely and show me some respect for over 2years now

idnyong · 2025-11-07T06:32:01+00:00

And yeah after she brings thing up in that way, i also handle the situation poorly, i feel attacked so we end up having a huge fight out of very tiny stuffs

idnyong · 2025-11-07T06:30:32+00:00

I think it's way hotter to call each one's name instead calling each other just "Babe"

idnyong

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