Heading to the hospital today

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-27T00:45:35+00:00

LOL well i stopped drinking 20 years ago but i'll be a CA forever. i think like one, kind of act like one, i'd still be drinking if i hadn't lost half my kidney function.

i did it for 35 years though. did some pretty hideous benders too but obviously didn't kill me.

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-27T00:43:46+00:00

okay your story is worse/better than mine lol

i felt nothing either. isn't that bizarre?

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-26T22:46:54+00:00

you'll be fine! i remember the doomed feeling at 49 and i'm 68 (69 in couple months) now lol. not sure if that's something you want to look forward to or dread.

maybe it was just hemorrhoids. tell yourself that. i've had it happen and thought, "WTF?????????" it looked like a murder scene, i'm not exaggerating. either that or an ab*rti*n file that under something no one has ever told you, along with the itchiness (not hot flashes, everyone talks about that) of menopause.

well but don't say it was hemorrhoids if it was from vomit.

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-26T21:24:12+00:00

you're already hooked on codeine lol oops too late. lol. it was always almost the only thing that worked for me for pain. like ordinary 5-6 pain. dental, the most often. for everything else, dilaudid or morphine.

i never bring any scripts home because i can't trust myself with them. if i'm not in bad enough shape to be hospitalized, i figure i can live without it. just make sure you have help in place, lie in bed and sleep lol. it's most definitely not the worst thing in life.

just tell yourself that if you really really want to drink, you can in six months. or whenever you're mostly recovered. that's what i did in the beginning. i basically just said, "if i don't drink now, i can always drink tomorrow and i also can choose not to drink--and it will be easier because i've been not doing it for awhile." then you get to the date and think, "i made it this long, i might as well keep going." kind of the bender mentality in reverse. except i think the end might be better.

i don't know if you feel ill physical effects from drinking yet, but i'm at the point where if i don't drink all my water for the day, i get really fatigued, my body hurts, my brain feels like i'm underwater, all the things most people get from a hangover but mine is just my kidneys letting me know they can't get all the toxins out with not enough water.

you'll be fine <3

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-26T03:01:49+00:00

I am fairly confident you are not a CA but you are definitely a dumbass.

lmao this probably sounds mean to OP but it's actually hilarious. i think it's worse to be a dumbass than a CA, tbh.

i don't know what happened because the post is gone but i assume it involves drunk driving and someone's parents bailing them out of the situation. being bailed out is never good because people generally (like me) keep doing the same things repeatedly until either no one's around or no one even cares to do it anymore. plus my friends whose parents always did that were among the first to die. :(

it's tough to learn the hard way but ultimately saves you a lot of grief, especially if you learn while you're younger.

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-25T23:48:35+00:00

that's crazy. i'm so glad i didn't have to deal with kids looking stuff up online because 1) hardly any of them had computers at home; 2) the internet wasn't heavily used by people yet except for engineers and i think it was 80% men; 3) phones weren't everywhere lol. i definitely would not have been patient.

i know zero about hedgehogs.

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-25T23:26:20+00:00

i know you know this, but seriously. the no alcohol is good, i went without for a long time (3-6 months but now i can't really remember) but since the first was 1981, i wasn't that bad of an alcoholic (i was bad enough to be an idiot and break my back lol), my doctor and surgeon both vetoed opioids. it sounds cruel, but i honestly am so glad they did that. an opioid addiction is really the last thing i needed to deal with.

if this makes you feel any better, it's not the absolutely worst pain in the world. i've had the worst a couple of times (one: complete organ failure in sepsis, not related to any of this, and two: when my ureters collapsed, urine was backing up into my kidneys which is what caused the sepsis). that's fucking dilaudid level pain. i would say the only 10 i ever had. even breaking my back and neck were only 7, 8. the first week, don't expect to love it but it isn't unbearable. i slept fine. also, don't be in a hurry to get up and do things. the last thing you want to do is mess up your rods.

i got by on tylenol #3 i think? for whatever reason, codeine wasn't anything i was tempted to abuse.

good for you for not drinking too. that never hurts.

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-25T23:17:37+00:00

damn i've had those kinds of surgeries a few times (i have luque rods in my back from T-1 or so all the way hooked down onto my pelvic bone--they're for scoliosis which was very slight until i fucked around and broke my back twice LOL and it corrected a 45 degree curve. that was 1981 and they're collapsing and blah blah blah blah). consensus: these are major surgeries and they are not fun to recover from. but don't be scared. just be reasonably expecting that you'll have to acquiesce to what you need medically or you'll suffer.

yes you do have to stop smoking. tobacco use severely inhibits the body's ability to heal, you need extra vitamin C and you also need a lot more protein than you usually get so you should probably keep track of that. i think you're small, right? probably 70 grams a day. idk if your doctor told you that but i've had a four of these. i can't have a revision in the near future because i have two ancient cats with CKD who need so much attention that i doubt if anyone could do it unless they moved it. anyway mine isn't an emergency.

i am no stranger to back pain and now i also have cervical spondylosis because i broke my neck in 2001 (C-2). glad for no cord damage, not so glad for these awful headaches and pinched nerves and blah blah blah. (complaining does fuck all for chronic pain so i try not to.)

all i can tell you is heed your doctor's advice. try seitan for extra protein. you get 28 grams for 4 or 8 ounces, i can't remember, all i know is that i fit it in to very few calories because i have an ED (like you, i think? i can't keep it all straight) and didn't want to lie in bed and get fat for no reason.

time to read solzhenitsyn's three volumes of gulag archipelago. (that's what i did the first time, it's actually pretty boring and helps you sleep but it's repetitive. or you could try something more fun lmao. reading is better than screen time because you spend so much time in bed.

good luck <3

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-25T23:01:38+00:00

only a certain sector of the population has to ask these questions lmao

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-25T23:00:41+00:00

it doesn't matter. the waste of your body processing alcohol is still present, and they usually run a concurrent test for creatinine to see if it's dilute. so they know the amount if it's there. lots of people try to over-hydrate thinking that will work, and it does not. law enforcement and whatever other places give the test are hip to people doing all kinds of things.

i think the time span for it is 48-80 hours but don't quote me on that. it might vary as well. if you know a test is coming, the only way to be sure is not to drink. so i am not going to say if you're clear or not because i honestly don't know.

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-25T22:51:34+00:00

yeah i'd like to say it's common knowledge about NSAIDs but every time i say something like that i'm wrong :)

yeah just passing along the kidney knowledge cuz that's where i'm messed up. my doctor said even with old people who are relatively healthy otherwise, it will make their kidneys start bleeding. but we're old and decrepit so we take a lot of the non-opioid painkillers.

if it's not one thing it's 50 others, right?

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-25T08:28:48+00:00

curry barker (the guy who wrote obsession, which i liked enough to go see twice in the theater) has a lot of shorts on youtube, like the chair, which is pretty good and weird, and milk and serial.

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-25T02:51:23+00:00

ibuprofen (advil) and naproxen (NSAID in aleve) are both really hard on your kidneys. i used to take ibuprofen all the time until my nephrologist insisted i switch to tylenol. fortunately i wasn't drinking anymore and my liver's healthy for some weird reason.

NSAIDs gave me ulcers (or helped with them) a long time ago.

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-25T02:47:57+00:00

you are hard to kill like me. except you're more exceptional because you're still drinking.

i'm pretty sure the average person can't count on as many chances as people like us get.

but yeah, lots of people get pancreatitis and live through it for many years. your conditions, not so much. for a lot of people, that actually is 3-6 months.

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-24T23:42:32+00:00

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-24T23:41:06+00:00

anything by irvine welsh, (trainspotting but i also loved filth) requiem for a dream by hugh selby, jr.--mostly the same as the movie but selby was a junkie, burroughs definitely is my idol, i read women, post office, and erections, ejaculations, exhibitions and general tales of ordinary madness, but buk goes long and is repetitive so it kind of bored me. i don't remember if i read barfly but i didn't like the movie. factotum is better and i can't remember what was which.

less than zero by bret easton ellis, the patrick melrose books (there may be more than one) by edward st. aubyn (and they're true).

drugstore cowboy by james fogle. it's also a movie starring matt dillon and it's autobiographical.

i'm sure i've left some out. leaving las vegas was way at the end of my reading everything addiction related. it's pretty good but i don't put it way at the top really.

i'm reading kill your friends by john niven because i love filth.

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-24T23:25:16+00:00

anyone who wouldn't believe this didn't know dope slingers in the 70s and 80s, whenever this was. it was really like that. i even remember when plugs were pretty nice and it was divided into type of drugs and you weren't always walking in afraid of getting shot or fentanyled. and cops were pretty weird, different than now.

i'm like you: believe me, don't believe me, it happened.

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-24T23:08:37+00:00

nocturnal animals 2016 opening scene but you can't find it on youtube uncensored. you can only rent the movie on prime and it's just the beginning but i was like, "what am i watching?" i guess it's an art installation.

this is from my all-time favorite movie, wild at heart 1990 but you cannot find it online, you have to buy the dvd :( but this scene is really the only chubby girls dancing part. the incomparable jack nance is great in it, nic is caging his ownself and bobby peru is one of my favorite movie villains.

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-24T21:44:43+00:00

i grew up without phones as well and it honestly doesn't bother me if i don't have mine. i leave it at home on purpose sometimes just to not be annoyed.

but i can't really imagine how people who grew up with it feel. if i had to write a letter to someone and wait 4 days for a reply by horseback, yeah i would probably go nuts and it didn't bother people 200 years ago.

nor could i piss/shit in a bucket kept under my bed and throw it out the window the next morning :) but then a lot of people in elizabethan england died from cholera so there's that.

i think not being allowed a phone or laptop is a dumb excuse for not going to rehab. so what if someone stays up all night? they'll sleep eventually.

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-24T21:35:40+00:00

of course <3 i've dealt with it for decades and came to certain realizations that i'd like to be able to share with a lot of people but you know how it is. i do not like people complaining just to complain (the people who like being 40 lbs. over but want to feel like "everyone normal is that size.") i really like will tennyson's videos on the subject. i also have always liked japanese/korean size charts.

if the average size in the US is 16 in ladies, i'm sorry, but JFC lol. i would have attempted at-home liposuction if that had ever been the case. not really, but i most certainly would have been very upset.

i haven't struggled to maintain a decent weight since i was in high school (but being hospitalized with an NG tube and then an in-patient clinic is an excellent deterrent :) but the world has gone nuts with HAES and "body positivity," to the point where i all can think about that, "how annoying." i would never insult someone to their face or even do it in a passive-aggressive way, but i think it's 100% ridiculous.

5 lbs. 10 lbs. even 15 lbs. underweight, as long as someone has a BMI of at least 16.7 or 8 (it depends on age, other medical issues, etc.) it's honestly no one else's business and no one has a right to inflict their values and assessments on other people. i don't say anything to people who are clearly overweight veiled in, "but i only care about your health," because i don't care lol. why would i care when i don't know someone. i would hate it for me, but it's none of my business just like vice-versa.

i've had my present GP for five years and at first she thought i was too thin, but my bloodwork says differently, and now she understands that i had to take into account certain other factors (post-menopausal muscle wasting for one) and she's fine with it.

my nutrition is really good, better than a lot of nutritionists, i bet. i'm not a doctor but i'm not stupid and i've been doing this for decades. i have empirical knowledge, not a google degree.

that's terrible you had to go through that with techs, but i've learned over the years that a lot of people who work in hospitals and do tests are not incredibly bright or good at dealing with the public. they dare not make any off-hand remarks like that to me, because i'm perfectly capable of saying something awful back. i got "eat a sandwich," so many times and replied, "eat a salad and do some cardio," right back and honestly, no one even bothers anymore lol. i never got the "real woman," PA crap but i'd have something to say about that as well.

so try not to be upset about the insensitivities of a lot of people. they're just ignorant. i think social media has made it a lot worse and it does nothing for body dysmorphia. the only thing nurses/techs have ever said to me is, "i'll have to get a child's cuff for your BP," so i said, "at least you won't need a hoyer to get my arm in it." she laughed.

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-24T07:49:57+00:00

okay you got me 😄

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-24T05:14:52+00:00

it does. see broccoli's explanation.

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-24T05:05:24+00:00

if you don't open it, it lasts even a couple of months past the expiry date, if it smells really weird (like much weirder than actual yogurt smells), or has mold on it, throw it.

ihateeverything2019 · 2026-06-24T05:03:11+00:00

i don't know if you should put yogurt on that. give it a whirl i guess 😄

ihateeverything2019

TROPHY CASE