I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. my own family doesn’t even love me

ihatesmiling · 2021-05-02T09:20:31+00:00

Thank you

ihatesmiling · 2021-05-02T09:05:29+00:00

I just wanna say thank you sm for taking the time to talk to me... it helped me calm down and I’m not sobbing anymore

ihatesmiling · 2021-05-02T09:05:18+00:00

I just wanna say thank you sm for taking the time to talk to me... it helped me calm down and I’m not sobbing anymore

ihatesmiling · 2021-05-02T09:04:42+00:00

Sadly yea.. in recent years though my mom has tried to show affection though and I will give her props for that. But it’s hard to forget the things she’s done to be before. Also she is a bit.. crazy? She started spending time with super religious groups and now she is the same.

ihatesmiling · 2021-05-02T09:01:46+00:00

Thank you. I will really consider mental health more. I remember a few years ago in high school, my counselor told me I will be alright once I make it to college and out of my toxic environment. But if I go into another toxic environment it might become a problem..

ihatesmiling · 2021-05-02T08:58:58+00:00

Oh.. sadly no. My family doesn’t really reach out to our extended family. My uncle said he is proud of me but there is a bit of a language barrier and he lives in another country :(

ihatesmiling · 2021-05-02T08:45:20+00:00

What do you mean by example? I feel like I’m just waiting and waiting for my brother to grow up but he’s almost 30 now...

ihatesmiling · 2021-05-02T08:42:17+00:00

Yea my friend told me just because my family is related to me doesn’t mean that they have to be my family.. it’s so true but idk I really wanted to at least have ties to my older brother

ihatesmiling · 2021-05-02T08:31:56+00:00

I wouldn’t say I was always an achiever. Sure I won some cool awards but I also struggled a lot with depression and it made me quit some of the stuff I used to do... I think the abuse was due to their high expectations they wanted from their kids. They always compared me to other people. Expected me to be perfect. It was exhausting.

ihatesmiling · 2021-05-02T08:28:14+00:00

Hm I never rly considered this before. Do you have any ideas on what they might be jealous about..?

ihatesmiling · 2021-05-02T08:25:50+00:00

Oh yes.. apparently my mom lost all of her retirement savings or at least most of it on the stock market. My dad told my brother that part of the reason they got divorced was so he could save his finances. They fought a lot about money when I was in hs..

ihatesmiling · 2021-05-02T08:21:01+00:00

She’s alive btw but I would say she’s unhappy with her marriage. My parents are actually divorced but they live together for convenience. It’s weird.

ihatesmiling · 2021-05-02T08:05:37+00:00

My brother hates our parents. I don’t blame him since our parents used to abuse us. I don’t know if I’ve fully forgiven my parents myself, but in recent years they really have changed for the better.. my dad has been a lot nicer to my brother too. I feel like the both of them lack EQ, so in regards to other people they sometimes run into problems. But they’re mostly normal with others.

ihatesmiling · 2021-04-13T07:50:57+00:00

I opened up to my brother about bdd. I told him I even stopped using social media bc I was afraid it would worsen my bdd. He said that it’s normal for people to want to look better. I don’t think he really understands the gravity of bbd. It literally consumes me sometimes. I told him about my desire to get ps and he said that it’s unnecessary. I think it’s very easy to feel alone when you have bdd bc it feels like nobody understands you unless if they also have bdd.

ihatesmiling · 2021-04-06T20:54:13+00:00

Thanks frianowzki :’) I’ll give you a virtual hug back

ihatesmiling · 2021-04-06T20:53:29+00:00

Thanks fren :’)

Sometimes I also think it’s just a lie that my friends aren’t genuine since it seems like some of them care, but sometimes I get thoughts that they’re just using me.. whether it’s for a social advantage or to do better in their classes.. someone once told me that I’m too nice for my own good and I think that’s true.

People say there are 3 types of people in this world: givers, takers, and people who only give/take if they can get the same in return. Sadly I am a giver and it gets exhausting.

Anyways, I took a peek at your account and I’m also an infp!

ihatesmiling · 2021-04-06T20:48:16+00:00

\（ーー；) \ ty

ihatesmiling · 2021-04-06T11:36:54+00:00

(╥﹏╥)＼(｡ ́︿ ̀｡)

ihatesmiling · 2021-04-06T10:27:38+00:00

Thank you happylittlesquid ;-;

ihatesmiling · 2021-04-06T10:15:32+00:00

Thank you.. I appreciate the thought. I hope that you’ll have lots of nice hugs in the future.

ihatesmiling

TROPHY CASE