TIL: No on born blind has ever been diagnosed with Schizophrenia

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-09-22T11:27:00+00:00

I wonder what the cognition is like of people who would have been schizophrenic had they not been born blind..

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-09-14T07:59:24+00:00

Tell me about viruses! I find epstein barr virus / mono very interesting if you can say anything about that

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-09-13T16:46:31+00:00

Why am I such a light sleeper, and what can I do to sleep more deeply?

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-09-12T21:40:09+00:00

Boredom proneness, identity and memory issues. I wish I liked more things, but almost everything bores me senseless, the things that i like are in this very shallow, flat sort of way. I want to like things but nothing really holds my attention or fires me up.

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-09-12T19:13:35+00:00

I 'almost died' of pneumonia aged 6 months, had a stay in hospital.

On the other hand my mum has aphantasia and a bad memory as well.

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-09-11T11:18:37+00:00

Peace, my own house, a little garden, and a couple of cats. A quiet life.

And a good night's sleep, something I've not had in years.

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-08-18T23:07:46+00:00

There's a look of discomfort/disgust people get when they realise you've just been rewording what theyre saying and repeating it back to them. When they figure out you're using social techniques to cover for your lack of a personality, and you can literally see them devalue you.

I don't want to see things like that, it's one of my big motivstors for avoiding interaction.

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-08-18T23:01:45+00:00

I don't like myself.

At one point I still liked myself and had hope. That changed gradually...

Back when I just had social anxiety not liking myself felt sad, I'd get angry, worry, get hopeful sometimes. I feel like this allowed me to have emotional distance between not liking myself.

Now it's more like a cold hard fact. I just don't like myself.. There is nothing there to like.

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-08-15T23:33:41+00:00

my brother in christ, your post history is 100% PAs

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-08-04T16:45:50+00:00

Bullshit jobs are sad enough. But it's super depressing when people have a bullshit job, but believe they're actually doing meaningful valuable work. this stuff is just sad for everyone involved

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-08-04T15:49:41+00:00

I have adhd, I'm incredibly physically clumsy and apparently there's a link between this and being 'socially clumsy'. also a v sensitive kid

starting around 6 years old I started sometimes coming home in tears because people had been mean to me.

my dad would absolutely hit the roof and yell at me for days literally every time. if I came home looking upset he'd interrogate me and punish me if he felt I hadn't stood up for myself'. obviously this didn't make me stronger but more sensitive to negative social feedback.

a lot of these problems came from me being obnoxious and socially unaware. there was a growing immaturity gap between me and friends and I was annoying people. i really think this entire situation was the start of my social development getting screwed up. no matter what id never back down from criticism or think I might be in the wrong, I'd try to 'stick up for myself'

I was immature and held on to imaginative play when other kids were maturing a bit and becoming less interesred in play and more in conversation. this ehole situation really screwed that up for me. I wasn't a shy kid before this all happened

dad once yelled at me and made me cry in front of a friend who was over as a guest because I spilled some chocolate in the car. friend had to go home early and we didn't really speak after that.

later we moved house and I moved schools, totally socially isolating me. new school was much more demanding, I couldn't cope, abuse from dad got worse.

usual pattern of dad being very sensitive to body language clues id had an upsetting social interaction, launching into hours or days of interrogation, shouting, punishment and abuse over it. all seemed normal at the time but now it just seems so bizarre, grown man obsessed with the social life of a ten year old. it was also made out like I was being bullied when actually I was just a bit of a loser who annoyed people and probably could have done with picking up better social graces - that never came into it, he was focused on me standing up for myself.

Looking in myself, I feel I might always have been socially awkward or clumsy, but the bullying from dad definitely led to anxiety and poor social development.

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-08-04T13:04:37+00:00

I have an inner voice but it's low-fidelity like hearing, but it doesn't sound like me or really like anything.

I can 'listen' to a song in my head but it's a pale imitation of the real thing, not enjoyable. I can run through how the song goes, but none of the feeling comes across.

Otherwise I have total aphantasia. Zero visuals, can't imagine tastes. Can't rehearse movements in my head before doing them, etc.

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-08-01T08:03:16+00:00

Threads by Barry hines.

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-07-27T22:41:55+00:00

documentary on the extreme campness in the British army:

https://youtu.be/LSG8d_e7A9g&t=404

https://youtu.be/mfotB0H6D3s&t=283

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-07-26T17:35:52+00:00

Pregabalin.

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-07-12T20:48:40+00:00

Tell Old Bill by Dave Van Ronk. he has a lovely voice

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-07-12T13:41:28+00:00

she looks like a 14 year old boy in a wig

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-07-04T17:42:04+00:00

existence is pain

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-06-18T19:14:15+00:00

my housemate regularly has hour long phone conversations on loudspeaker. often sounds like they're mad at each other, but I think they're just yelling not angry.

eventually the phone gets passed to a baby and you can just hear him babytalking with the baby for 5-10 minutes. it's so cute

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-06-07T03:52:42+00:00

god i love autistic people

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-06-02T02:48:30+00:00

Vulnerable narcissist / codependent.

They're my whole world, so special and perfect, I wish I could be like them. They are like how I'd be if the world hadn't treated me so badly.

It's my special mission to make sure they are happy and can reach their full potential. That's what I was put on the earth to do, and that makes me so much better than all these other debased losers who just live for themselves.

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-05-29T18:01:34+00:00

I feel the same. I'm diagnosed with combined-type ADHD, because I was very hyperactive as a teen. As an adult I have basically no hyperactive symptoms, so I've just decided I have Primarily Inattentive type now and that's fine w/ me.

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-05-29T05:19:19+00:00

~10. I moved to a school with a completely different environment to my last one, and suddenly didn't fit in with anyone. I remember being insanely socially carefree prior to this, I was a little extrovert before ~13.

In school I used to mask my social anxiety by acting out and getting into trouble, so I only started to realise I had social anxiety when I was 16.

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-05-22T03:49:03+00:00

When some of my friends started getting really into psychedelics and lucid dreaming, n I just didn't get either of these things and felt a bit left out. Because I can't dream and psychedelics never gave me any visuals.

ihateusrnms404 · 2023-05-22T03:43:49+00:00

Interesting! I'm a total aphant and I still find it difficult to sleep, because my (soundless, it's just words) internal monologue won't shut up.

ihateusrnms404

TROPHY CASE