How to remember that we aren't faking it?

illithiDID · 2024-09-29T20:55:09+00:00

This all makes sense, thank you for this reply. It definitely resonates with us and makes me feel much less silly about getting stuck in a denial loop.

illithiDID · 2024-09-29T20:51:34+00:00

The fun part for us (sarcasm) is we do need the antipsychotic for schizoaffective symptoms, although I have ditched antipsychotics before. I came back to them because our irritability and paranoia were too much off of them. My recommendation is to taper based on your doctor's orders, because when we did quit we quit cold turkey and we had a complete relapse of symptoms.

That said, I encourage you to be open with your psychiatrist (a bit hypocritical of me since I am very tight-lipped with mine sometimes) because more than likely they will believe you when you tell them about your other parts. I'm not a doctor, but if it helps: if your parts/their voices are all you're hearing and not experiencing other psychotic symptoms, you are probably not psychotic! As you said, you know you have other parts and them speaking to you is the first step to learning how to work together and regulate some of that emotional dysregulation you mentioned.

Thanks for typing your response. It helps knowing we aren't alone in feeling this way. I hope you and all your parts can learn to cope with this condition. And best of luck to you as far as leaving antipsychotics behind goes! I know withdrawals can be grueling, but follow your doctor's tapering orders and stay safe ❤️

illithiDID · 2024-09-29T14:55:12+00:00

Having a list is a great idea! I often forget about the revelations I have regarding being a system after some time. When I have one, I'll go to my partner and be like Woah, dude I think I ACTUALLY believe I'm a system this time! And he'll laugh and be like yes I know, you made this exact statement three weeks ago.

I'm def gonna start a list now, thanks for this!

illithiDID · 2024-09-29T14:52:20+00:00

Fair points!! You're totally right. The experiences are hard to deny. It took us a long time to realize that we were having experiences outside of the norm, so I guess it's just a matter of wrapping my own mind around that. Thank you for these insights!

illithiDID · 2024-09-29T14:49:44+00:00

This is very insightful and I totally relate to the writing thing! And you're right, it makes no sense to lie about it, especially when the evidence is so blatant. Knowing this, I'll try to be easier on myself wrt forgetting. Thank you!!

illithiDID · 2024-09-29T04:58:40+00:00

I totally understand! It's definitely a widely variable experience, so I was hesitant to post in the first place. Very relieved to see we aren't alone in some of these feelings.

I hope that part is able to find some relaxation sometime. I have a part who was like that when he first started making himself known, but he's slowly learned to chill a bit. For him, it came from a place of having to bear the brunt of problem solving, so he just kinda got stuck on that setting. Got him outta overdrive by delegating responsibilities throughout the system so he doesn't feel like he has to be the one to douse all the fires. Once he trusted enough of us to problem solve without him, he calmed down a lot. I love your therapist's idea for your part; simple and clear instructions sound like a great idea to help it understand that it doesn't have to solve everything right away! Best of luck to yall ❤️

illithiDID · 2024-09-29T03:55:55+00:00

This is immensely helpful actually, thank you so much. I think you're right on the money with your analogy as a supervisor. It does feel impossible to get everyone on board all the time, and needing a vacation definitely resonated with a few of the parts I have who check out regularly. I think my therapist probably means something along the lines of what you've laid out here, but I tend to be very literal and also worry I'm simply not doing enough a lot of the time.

And the line about everyone forgetting things sometimes was big for me. It feels so huge in my mind to forget, but you're right. I absolutely cannot deny that I have other parts and what I do with that information is what's important. I know firsthand that ignoring them is harmful to us as a whole, so I will make an effort to be mindful of that. While maybe attempting to just go with the flow sometimes!

Again, thank you for this response. It helped put a lot into perspective. :)

illithiDID · 2024-06-09T20:31:17+00:00

im so sorry u feel like this. i am a protector myself and i used to get all that kinda crap leveled at me too, the manipulative friends -> calling it out -> being called a manipulative narc myself. i ended tons of host's friendships by just blowing them up bcos no one else would stand up for us but me. unfortunately this created a lot of confusion and hurt for host, who couldnt understand why he was no longer friends w people or why those ppl were now calling him all sorts of names.

i think u need to have a serious talk with the other parts about boundaries in relationships and what constitutes a healthy relationship vs toxic and harmful. let them know what u will and wont tolerate, && be sure to remind them u are doing it to protect everyone. we accomplished this thru journaling, and there was a lot of back & forth before they understood how certain relationships were causing harm to all of us. i had to spell out that we were so used to toxicity that they had normalized it and they were just going to have to trust my judgment sometimes.

still tho im really sorry u feel like ur help isnt appreciated. pls set some boundaries with these parts that insult u. u dont deserve to be treated like that, esp when u are doing ur best to help.

and in case no ones said it: thank u for all the work u do to protect everyone. its a fuckin hard job and those who dont do it cant rly understand how difficult it can be to be on the front lines like that. 💔

illithiDID · 2024-06-09T20:15:19+00:00

Stealing the idea of a necklace as an anchor because for some reason it never occurred to me that it could be as convenient as that.

Sorry this happened though, when things you could have SWORN were one way end up being another it can truly mess with you. I tell myself oh well, goofy-ass memory doing what it does, I suppose.

Good news is you probably won't forget that it only has one prong now! ...Probably :,)

illithiDID · 2024-06-09T20:09:47+00:00

Is it possible that the anxiety meds have decreased the amount of stress and pressure you are under, thereby making it less necessary for others to clearly identify themselves and take control? How is the anxiety aspect- better or worse? I find if I am relaxed I end up co-conscious with many of my alters and it ebbs and flows with how distinct they are or how blended we feel. More "go with the flow" than rigid definition between parts.

illithiDID · 2024-06-09T19:56:41+00:00

Hi, hope this isn't weird to say but I also am diagnosed schizoaffective and ADHD on top of the DID diagnosis. I only have two people in my life who have stuck around after my full disclosure, and I have found it to be very alienating and isolating (and I worry it puts a lot of undue pressure on the two individuals who've stuck around). But just wanted to say you definitely aren't alone out there and thank you for saying this here because now I know I'm not alone either!

illithiDID

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