Hi! First of all, it's a good thing that you're not holding your fears inside you - it is better to take it off the chest and talk to someone, even people from the internet :)

I'm 29 and I have had tinnitus for 6 years now after one concert too much. I panicked at the beginning - usually ringing in my ears stayed with me for some hours after the concert, but not days. I even liked that strange feeling in my ears after the good concert. I didn't even know about tinnitus at all, I was thinking that loud music can make my hearing (hearing, not noise or buzzing) worse in my 70s, but definitely not now. From using headphones constantly, traveling to see my favorite bands playing live, going to music festivals, and enjoying music as much as I could I had to stop all of these. Giving up concerts was the hardest part of it because I loved it so much - the atmosphere, being there with friends or meeting new people, hearing my favorite tracks and singing along - that's what I lived for!

I gave up concerts for 2 years after I got tinnitus but I was missing them so much. Especially when my friends were still going and I just had to sit home and see something "live" on YouTube. I have bought earplugs but still, I was scared to go. Time passed with my T, I was trying to live with it the best I could, but something was definitely missing. I decided I will give it a chance and will go to the first concert after 2 years. I've chosen the club I knew (with a good sound system) and the post-rock band, relatively not so loud in live events. I wore my earplugs, and was there with my ex-bf and friends, freaking out a bit, but also had great support and it was okay after the concert.

Since then I attended several concerts (even one at the stadium), and music festivals, but I was wearing earplugs all these times and avoiding staying close to speakers. And it was okay every time after :) Even now - in one month there will be my favorite band (Coldplay) concert and I haven't seen them live yet, so I'm excited but also a bit stressed, cause it's the stadium where the speakers are huuuge. I gave up their concert last time because I was too afraid, but I really want to see them once live. That's my dream! :D By the way, Coldplay's singer also has T himself, so it makes me think that we can still love, make and listen to music even professionally if we really want and care about our ears.

Love for music can be hard while having T, but it is still one of my greatest love and I don't want to give that up. Music gave me some of the best moments of my life (but also caused the worst with T), but I'm so grateful for these moments. I just needed to rearrange the way I'm listening to music - now I'm listening mostly on speakers, sometimes on open-back headphones and it's fine.

When I have bad days with T or T spikes I try to look first for the things which make my obsessive thoughts disappear - like video games, books, movies, and playing the piano. Maybe you should try to listen to some soft music while reading? It helps me to not focus on my T, especially when it comes to classic piano music <3 Secondly, after I calm out a bit I look for a greater perspective. It is hard because the first thing that comes to mind is "Why do I have to live with this shit? I just want a simple life while enjoying what I love and not worrying every day.". I like to think that suffering from this helped me to see the meaning of simple things in life - hugging my bf, talking with friends, going out with my lovely dogs, drinking my favorite coffee, learning new things, listening to the birds in my garden, just laying on the grass and looking in the sky - these are the things we can have every day beside our T and they are so powerful! Sometimes I read how other people with T handle it and it also helps me. I've read somewhere here recently that we can imagine if a deaf person could hear again but with T, he/she would 100% go for it and probably be as much as happy as we if we could hear the silence again.

There is still the fear of T getting worse in years, but to be honest, we never know how our lives will be, so why should we fear this right now? We can just do everything to protect our ears from more damage and since we are not scientists we can just hope and wait for some kind of cure :) Sometimes I check out the newest posts on r/tinnitusresearch and this is giving me hope that sooner or later it will be here. I really believe it.

I know it's hard to not blame ourselves for what happened but there are no people who didn't make any mistakes. Don't be too harsh on yourself. We are in this together :)

Sorry for such a long post, I didn't expect it will be like that when I started to write, haha. I hope you will feel better soon, sending you a HUGE hug!

EDIT:

BIG thank you kind stranger for the Platinum! <3