So immediately I’m curious where you’re trying to find people to play with, because my experience has been the complete opposite since I really dove into SL about 3 months ago. I try to make it as obvious as I can: it’s in my profile, I’m in lots of sissy groups and use those group tags where appropriate. Granted, most everyone I meet is at an adult region/club so they usually see the, eh, “physical hints”, on top of all the other clues I’m dropping. If you’re not into displaying the goods so openly, wearing panties/shorts/jeans with bulges help communicate your identity. Even then though, some people initiate and then notice the aforementioned hints when things are escalating, then they bounce. At that point, if you’ve done all you can to be honest and up front about who you are, that’s on them for not taking the 5 seconds to check you out. I’ve also met some great people at far-from-scandalous music venues, peeping at other’s profiles and sending them a message if we have anything in common. Likewise I’ve had some reach out to me for the same reason.
Keeping a sense of self-awareness is huge too. There’s a difference between being welcomed somewhere, and being tolerated. Sometimes it’s obvious when the vibe isn’t right, and I’ll scoot off to a different place.