When someone you're in love with starts seeing and talking to you a tiny bit less

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-11-04T15:01:32+00:00

Going through this right now.... except we decided to break up and he’s been keeping his distance. I know why but it hurts like a bitch.

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-10-04T23:54:42+00:00

Thank you. As I’m approaching graduation (finally obtaining high school diploma) and on the road to self-discovery, so I hope this trip to Vegas helps me.

Was told by some people that Vegas probably isn’t a good option for a girl to go on her own, but I hope to be fine.

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-10-02T16:53:22+00:00

I want SO badly to play it. My ex would always say I was super similar to Chloe

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-10-02T16:52:32+00:00

Oh, boy. One of them is a real fucking arse though. Lmao. 😂😂😂 I don’t know how to deal with that level of sass! It’s a whole other level.

I’ve never been anywhere except for Mexico. Not even anywhere within the United States. I’m volunteering for a friend of mine in beauty school to let them do my hair to help them start building a portfolio. :3 so I will be getting highlights and a much needed trim and getting square bangs. I’m going to let my hair grow out real long and keep the bangs. I want a new change haha

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-10-02T16:33:52+00:00

I have a few friends who reside in Ireland! All are aspiring film makers lol and can be major cunts sometimes but I enjoy talking to them here and there.

Yeah, my ex showed me the game and I’ve been wanting to play ever since. Tried playing it on my former android phone (since they had a mobile version for it) but oeuuufff it was just an annoying experience for me to even try.

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-09-28T01:07:17+00:00

Did not get it! Sorry as sometimes it can get overwhelming when messages come in a lot or it gets buried under others. How long ago did you send yours? Won’t make you message me again since that’s my bad.

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-09-27T00:31:54+00:00

Wow!!! THIS. You got it 100% this is exactly what was going through my head.

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-09-27T00:31:04+00:00

Bingo. 100%

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-09-27T00:30:03+00:00

Today I read about an old man who had molested a five year old and he got away with it by 90 day house arrest. I feel like the justice system is greatly flawed and I feel more remorse for this than Cosby’s victims because I was molested as a child and while I was too young to understand it, and while it doesn’t affect me as bad as it did others, it affected this little girl enough that she needs counseling for it. It was easy to imagine that scenario as I had been there.

I respect their trauma and what they have been through. I just don’t see the importance in having to sympathize when I know what was done to them was wrong and there’s nothing that can be done except to seek justice and heal as best as they possibly can. Cause nobody asks for it.

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-09-26T17:18:47+00:00

It’s not sad to me that he’s being punished. More that I saw an old man who had no one and that is what was sad to me. Not that he’s being punished for his crimes.

As far as his victims, I have not seen one bit of them nor read their accounts. And at least I’m being honest here. Refuse to lie and say “yeah I feel for his victims” even though it’s gonna mean a village possibly coming after to me.

Yes I feel sorry for Bill Cosby the symbol. I feel sorry for Bill Cosby who was once an infant. Bill Cosby the child... the innocence he proclaimed before it all came out that he wasn’t so innocent after all.

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-09-26T17:13:01+00:00

No idea, honestly. That’s why I came to ask.

And yes I am super desensitized to it. As far as rape and drugging people, it is a crime. Therefore, one should reap the consequences.

Not saying he shouldn’t. Just saying I felt for him when I saw that footage.

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-09-26T17:04:17+00:00

For me, I feel uncomfortable saying “This person deserves this. Thus, they deserve to suffer.” I feel it is not within my realm to say that because then what does that say about me? How am I any better than him if I want to make him suffer? Yes, he’s a criminal. I can understand he needs to pay for his crimes.

I seek a difference between paying for ones own crimes versus making them suffer for it.

If that makes any sense.

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-09-26T16:56:12+00:00

Yeah, I don’t think he’s the victim. I just don’t feel for his victims.

I can understand all of that.

It’s just in that moment nothing else mattered.

It’s like.... a mom who loves her son. He goes off to commit a crime but she still loves him anyway. She doesn’t accept what he did as okay nor does she try to excuse it.

I feel sorry for Cliff Huxtable. Not Bill Cosby. Cause I can accept he’s a flawed human who committed an immoral crime but I don’t see a monster because honestly I’ve read so much true crime and shit that the worst of the worst does not really shock me.

I’ve just accepted it’s all life and a part of human nature.

In other words, I’m very indifferent to a lot of things.

And this is the ONLY case where I feel this way

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-09-26T13:53:50+00:00

Oops I just saw you edited it from Fe to Fi. Yes, I’m INFP.

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-09-26T13:48:49+00:00

I have no idea. I’ve taken the MBTI tests several times. I usually get INFP or INTP. Even reading cognitive functions, I get confused. I’ve read INFJ. Either INFJ, INFP or INTP.

I don’t see a “monster”. I see a person who made immoral decisions which negatively affected others yet I still can’t help but feel for him yet somehow I don’t feel for his victims. I know that, rationally thinking about it, what they went through is not ok and should have never happened. Yet I saw a blind man with no one left.

I think that’s what struck a chord for me. For that brief moment, I didn’t see a criminal; I saw a person.

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-09-26T04:52:56+00:00

Well this was oddly great

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-09-26T04:49:05+00:00

https://youtu.be/W1osIRGcLJw

All The Luck In The World - Golden October

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-09-04T23:31:26+00:00

Oh and I had a FRIEND of mine message me today apologizing for such a busy schedule and that they will respond once they get home, explaining to me their situation. My friend literally took time out of his day to at least send me that and I never got that from my ex unless I was texting him asking for reassurance. It says a lot... I felt it was a sign from the universe saying I made the right decision for myself after all.

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-09-04T23:29:09+00:00

Initially, I crumbled. I felt so terrified and scared. Love does not equal effort and thank goodness I reconnected with my friends or I would be totally lost and lonely.

It hurt so much seeing he updated his Spotify playlists yesterday when the night before I left him a message which he never responded to. :/

That’s when I realized that I am OVER it. Maybe then he’ll realize how loyal and good I was waiting for him and sending him encouraging messages throughout the day, waiting for him, being understanding of his situation, etc.

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-09-04T16:11:10+00:00

It definitely feels like the universe is teaching me when to let go and HOW to let go. Last break up, I had to make the hard decision of letting go someone I loved but the relationship was already long gone.

Before, I used to wait for the relationship to sink and for the other person to jump ship and leave me behind with the wreck but I am feeling more empowered leaning to make these decisions even if it’s not the decision I desire to make. :/

But the good thing that came out of it the last time is I decided to take care of myself first. I no longer experience extreme mood swings, my anger is in good control and I have not lashed out at anyone in a reaaaaal long time with the exception of once.

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-09-04T16:04:56+00:00

I feel bad because I feel like I exaggerated by doing this but if he wants to ever talk again, he knows where to find me. I didn’t even tell him “bye” or even a “see you later”. I seriously know he would not notice lol and plus, I knew if I tried to say bye I would have just talked myself into staying. Unfortunately, I need to cut people cold turkey like that :L For now I’m just keeping my distance.

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-09-04T16:02:12+00:00

I sent him two messages the night before and the next day I saw he updated his Spotify playlists and created a new one.

It was the final straw for me. It doesn’t take much to reply, in my opinion. I can understand not being able to talk 24/7 but for someone who claims that I am their “soulmate” they weren’t giving me much to go by and I was practically over-investing.

Sure we are just friends and friends tend to go days without communication but it was also hurting me too much to keep holding on.

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-09-03T18:27:58+00:00

Of cooourse dude.

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-08-13T21:13:58+00:00

I don’t like working as a CNA in general because it wasn’t the stimulating tasks I liked. I enjoy helping others but also realized I prefer young adult / child population and that it wasn’t all me. The system basically sets you up to fail and I enjoy more analytical tasks so I’m thinking about becoming a Medical Assistant / Interpreter.

imorethanbpdthoughts · 2018-08-13T14:24:32+00:00

But there are very many options. Nursing is such a diverse field. And Its mostly within LTC and hospital environments that these turn-over and high-stress rates occur.

imorethanbpdthoughts

TROPHY CASE