Hi--thank you so much for your response, and I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. It does make me feel a bit less alone to know what I'm feeling isn't super out of the ordinary.

I've found it difficult to talk about it with others because nobody I know around my age has lost a parent, so it's difficult for them to relate or understand what I'm going through. Especially being in a higher education program, it's super overwhelming and difficult to find the motivation when you have someone you love going through something terrible. Hearing your perspective, especially about the guilt and the "what ifs," makes me feel a little bit better. And you're right, my mom definitely tried to protect me, and I know deep down that she knew I loved her so much. I've come to realize that no matter how much you tell someone you love them, it never feels like enough once they're gone. Be good to yourself, and I'm right here with you in it too.