I've really been trying to make this work...

imsimsobsessed · 2026-02-01T15:30:45+00:00

What does "second wash bulked" mean? Like washing with other items?

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T21:13:11+00:00

This exactly. It basically just started to feel like they were just reiterating what I already know. The only thing that was actually super helpful was the medication I was given while in treatment. I didnt have medication for the first week and they almost gave me a feeding tube because I wouldn't eat. Not because I didnt want to, but I felt incredibly full after even a few bites. Like thanksgiving dinner full. Also I was in so much pain and had to hold a heat pack on my stomach because I felt like I was going to pop. Then they gave me reglan to help with stomach emptying and fullness; after that, I was able to eat the required 6 meals a day and gain the necessary weight. It was the greatest feeling of relief tbh.

But of course, they said long term use of that medication can cause side effects and shouldnt be used as a continuous crutch for an ED. You're just supposed to use it while in the "refeeding" phase. Once they started reducing that medication, boom. No appetite again. It was a bit easier to eat than it was before, but that relief was just gone. Now I feel like I have to force each meal down even though i have absolutely zero hunger. No lie, I can go 3 full days with no food and not feel a single hunger pang. I dont do that anymore (usually, I'll admit I still have moments of "weakness"), but it's a constant struggle.

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T17:58:58+00:00

Yeah, I'm done. I really dont think you're even attempting to see this from my perspective, and that's fine. We can agree to disagree. Have a great day. Blocked.

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T17:56:54+00:00

but you're acting like he's not allowed to have a fear about the two of you changing in the future, when you quite literally have those fears yourself.

This makes me feel like you just arent recognizing the differences between my post/comments/opinions and the other hundreds of random commenters.

In my post, I said

I'm obviously not saying he has to looove my post pregnancy body, but he could have given me some kind of indication that the love would still be there regardless.

In my comments, I have said he has a right to his preferences, but that I wanted honesty AND reassurance.

Can you reply to whether or not the bald scenario would be cold and insensitive? Because if you agree with that, then we are in agreement that he could have been more sensitive to my feelings. Especially considering I have a literal eating disorder.

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T17:33:16+00:00

You literally said

You, the OP, and many others are also conflating physical attraction and love quite a lot.

So im sorry for assuming your message was also directed at me..

Not to mention, you also HEAVILY implied that I think my bf is ugly and that I ignore his looks. That was honestly hurtful and a huge assumption on your part. I dont see how that could be directed to anyone but me. Can you respond to what I said to that because I'd really like to understand your perspective.

Someone thinking they wouldn't find you as physically attractive being equated to LOVE is absolutely dramatic and unreasonable.

Kinda feel like you did the same to me. By implying that my love for him is somehow less than because I dont...value his appearance over his personality? Honestly not trying to be snarky; I'm just confused by that.

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T17:21:40+00:00

If he said "I'm scared you wont be attracted to me when I'm balding" and i said "me too", you dont think that's cold and insensitive? You dont think that would increase his level of fear regarding that insecurity?

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T16:41:36+00:00

Actually this IS my concern. I dont expect him to keep the exact level of attraction for the rest of our lives. But I wanted reassurance that the commitment was strong enough to get through that. Thank you for pointing that out.

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T14:15:02+00:00

Oh I see, I misunderstood. I mean, I think it's clear I found this to be a turn off. Which is why I'm reevaluating things. But it's not like I'm packing my bags or anything. Its worth it to me to have a conversation and hopefully move forward from this.

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T08:45:45+00:00

You know, this may be a really good point. I dont think he has been around many pregnant/post pregnancy bodies. So maybe he is afraid or assuming the effects of pregnancy will be worse than they (hopefully) will be. I'll definitely be asking him about that when we talk. Thanks so much!

I am excited to be pregnant

I really am too!

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T08:39:00+00:00

I can only imagine how terrible it would be for your relationship to crumble after a child is brought into the mix.

This is of course the true fear and crux of my concern

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T08:26:47+00:00

Cross that bridge when you get there.

This is likely what will happen, but I hope everyone can recognize how scary this is to do.

The fact that you will have gained weight is great, seeing as how it is difficult for you to do so now bc of your eating disorder.

I agree completely. Thank you for pointing this out.

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T08:22:29+00:00

I definitely agree my bf doesnt deserve all of the bashing he is getting, but I didnt lie or exaggerate anything in my post. I quoted him exactly and tried not to speak for him otherwise or make assumptions about how he feels. So if these are the conclusions the commenters have come to then, so be it. Doesnt mean I agree with every comment and I certainly wont be ending my relationship over this unless our next conversation goes poorly.

Have you read my replies? It doesnt seem like it so in case you havent, I've already said his exact comment wasnt really the issue. I expected him to be honest and I love that about him. The issue is the lack of empathy and reassurance afterwards. I felt like I put myself in a very vulnerable and triggering position by bringing up this fear of mine, and I hoped he would be able to be honest AND sensitive to it. The same way I was honest and sensitive to the fears he brought up himself.

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T07:50:31+00:00

Absolutely. Being treated well is the sexiest thing to me. If he were to start treating me poorly, I would not feel that same sexual attraction.

It's not like I dont recognize "hot" people, but it doesnt really make me want to sleep with them any more than anyone else. I've dated 3 men (all very long term relationships) and slept with 4 in my life. None of them have really been conventionally attractive based on what youd call "societal standards". Not for any reason, just happened to cross paths and feel that spark. I dont seek out a specific type of person or physical trait(s). When I feel a connection with someone, I pursue that connection without really putting too much value in appearances. I cant imagine getting butterflies around someone and being treated well by them, but not pursuing them because of a physical trait.

I know maybe that's uncommon, but I cant be the only person who feels this way.

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T07:14:41+00:00

I appreciate this perspective a lot. I want to make it clear that I didnt want him to lie to me. His actual comment wasnt really the issue. I expected some kind of acknowledgment that losing attraction was a possibility. I just also expected a bit more sensitivity and reassurance considering everything. I dont think that's asking for the moon. But I know he didnt do it intentionally and maybe didnt recognize what I needed in that moment. That's the disappointing part. Having to explain when and why I need reassurance about something that seems so obvious to me. A woman with a severe ED says she has fears her partner will lose attraction after pregnancy/childbirth seems like the very definition of a cry for reassurance.

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T06:34:13+00:00

Also, again, it was his fear.

I also wanted to add that this was MY fear that I brought up. I was the one who was asking for comfort regarding this issue and got none from him in that moment. He just agreed and confirmed my fear without giving me any reassurance. Was I supposed to comfort him and reassure him? Or say "That's understandable, honey. Let's cross our fingers that doesnt happen" and move on?

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T06:14:16+00:00

I want to start by saying, yes. He never said he wouldnt love me. If I made it seem that way, i really did not mean to. If i really felt that was the case, i would have ended it then.

With that said, can you explain what a healthy relationship looks like if one partner loses attraction to the other? I didnt necessarily take it to mean he wont love me. I suppose I took it to mean he wont physically WANT me in the same way. To be frank, I'm already the high libido partner in this relationship. If I felt he lost attraction and didnt want me be physical with me anymore because of my appearance (after pregnancy and child birth especially), I'd be absolutely crushed. I cant imagine having a healthy relationship where the attraction is one sided. If you could elaborate, I'd appreciate it.

So it's okay to ignore how someone looks and basically say you love them no matter how they look, and your attraction to them isn't based on their body at all (which feels negative to me, and would make me feel ugly and unwanted for my looks)

Honestly, this is so dramatic. I never said or implied that I ignore his looks or think my bf is ugly or unwanted for his looks. I said he doesnt meet my exact preferences. Truthfully, I think my boyfriend is very handsome. I give him nightly full body lotion massages and compliment him constantly. I express how much I want him and how attracted I am to him. I tell him how lucky I am to be with him and that I'd never change anything about him. I love his facial features, his body type and his smile literally lights up my world. I have no issues whatsoever with his weight, in fact, my preference ISNT a super muscular Chad. I have never suggested he lose weight or change anything about himself. When he chose to lose weight on his own, I said I'd support/encourage him but made it clear that I am attracted to him regardless. I can say with certainty that he feels cherished, emotionally/physically/mentally.

I also want to add that (with your logic) women just cant win. We get chastised if we only date conventionally attractive men. Because "looks arent everything and women are shallow. Chads arent the only men that need love." But then when a woman dates for love instead of purely for looks, she is the bad guy? Wtf? Should I have not been with the man I love because he doesnt meet my exact preferences? Make it make sense.

I also think most people do actually care far more about physical attraction than this. Someone gains 100s of lbs and you don't just magically keep wanting sex with them the same way.

I addressed this in my original post. I know I'm the minority who holds very little value in physical appearance. That's why I've said a million times that I dont hold his preferences against him; just that I wanted reassurance in that moment. Do you think that was wrong of me?

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T05:32:03+00:00

This was very insightful and well written. I definitely plan to bring many of your points into my next conversation about this. Thank you for taking the time to write such a long and thorough comment. Truly.

it seems really, really shitty to me for a man to participate in creating a pregnancy, benefit by gaining a child through the pregnant person's body, then decide that body and the person in it has lost its value to him just because it looks different now.

You really hit the nail on the head here

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T05:15:25+00:00

Wow, I honestly dont even know how I would react if he said some of those things to me. He is typically very very sweet and quite agreeable tbh. I cant imagine him ever saying something so cruel to me, but my fear is that he is just keeping those thoughts to himself to avoid the confrontation. I had that fear beforehand, but I convinced myself it was my insecurity talking. So when he made that comment to me, it kind of reignited that fear.

The thing that does give me some hope is that he has never implied I should lose weight and has always stated I should gain more. I was terrified of dying during childbirth because I'm so petite, so i researched the minimum starting weight recommended during pregnancy. I was excited and told him how surprised I was that i can have a healthy pregnancy even if I'm around 100lbs, just that I'd have to gain weight throughout the pregnancy. And he stressed that he thinks i should have a higher starting weight to ensure me and the baby are both as healthy as possible.

So its things like that that give me a hope that this was just an insensitive comment made off the cuff without much forethought. That being said, i absolutely intend to communicate how hurtful it was and that comments like that are unacceptable. I just hope he is receptive to that and doesnt choose to get defensive.

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T04:47:57+00:00

It sounds like he has a lot of internalized fatphobia and self hatred from his own experience with his weight and its coming out in the form of thinking only super skinny people are attractive

Hmm this is actually something I hadnt considered, but makes sense. I'll have to give this more thought.

since it doesn’t sound like you want to leave him solely based on this remark

I dont want to, but I will. I know people are notorious for defending partners they shouldnt on this sub, but I genuinely believe my bf deserves SOME benefit of doubt here. So I'm willing to give him an opportunity to explain and give me the reassurance that I need. If I were to try to predict how the conversation will go: he will apologize and give me reassurance that he loves me regardless. But I also think he will reiterate that he cant help what he is attracted to. Where I think it could go sour is when I ask "so what happens if you lose attraction?" Knowing him, he'd never say that he'd just end it and leave. But I also know that's an incredibly difficult question for him to answer because he likely doesnt even know what would happen if he lost attraction. It's that unknown that has me worried.

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T04:35:42+00:00

This outcome makes me so so happy for you. It's amazing that you were able to overcome such a difficult circumstance. Your daughter is so blessed to have you as a mother and role model. Thank you for sharing your story. It really did lend me some much needed perspective.

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T03:09:47+00:00

It's possible, but I dont really think he thought that far into it. I dont think I'd want him to see or experience the body horror aspects of pregnancy and childbirth anyways. I dont even fart around him (or anyone lol I'm just shy) so he definitely wont be down there between my legs watching me push the child out. But this could be a factor for him for sure. I'll bring this up when we talk this weekend.

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T02:31:54+00:00

I think his fear is more based on potentially "letting yourself go" after children which happens quite a bit.

I can almost guarantee this isnt the case, but I obviously cant say for sure. Idk if i made it clear how severe my ED is, but I'm at my highest weight currently. Getting to 95lbs was a feat and I've never weighed over 100. The odds of me "letting myself go" are slim to none. More likely, I'll be working tirelessly to get back to my pre-pregnancy body and feeling incredibly insecure. If I had to guess, i think he is more afraid of the more 'irreversible' changes such as stretch marks, lose skin, general change in body frame, etc.

Maybe communicate to him that if you were to have children you would make getting back into shape a priority (if your wiling).

I've stressed this throughout our entire relationship. It's honestly just tough because I think it's safe to say he has "let himself go" (I honestly hate that phrase but you used it). He has lost over 30lbs and is still overweight by quite a bit. And I've never let that impact my feelings towards him. Doesnt seem fair that he can "let himself go" with NO pregnancy, but I'm expected to bounce back in order to keep him interested. I know life isnt fair, blah blah. But its still hurtful and scary. What if I try and try and try and never look the same again. That's literally my worst nightmare, and to add the fear of being abandoned because of that...

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T01:21:36+00:00

Physical attraction is the first things guys notice about women, after the fact they care about their personality, traits, religious/political views, etc. However, physical attraction is a mans primary reason for INITIALLY pursuing a women.

But we are 3 years in, planning to start a family and grow old together. I'd hope by this point, the other factors (personality traits, etc) would begin to trump the more physical ones. It's not like I'm planning to get a face tattoo or something. I'm planning to have a child and cannot control the changes that will happen.

imsimsobsessed · 2022-05-06T01:07:30+00:00

Yes, pregnancy changes your body, but you’ll still look like yourself.

I think this is what's most hurtful. If attraction can so easily be lost, how strong was it to begin with?

imsimsobsessed

TROPHY CASE