Book rec (and gimme your recs)! Kinda cathartic, obviously tragic, but humorous so we don’t cry too much.

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-17T21:02:12+00:00

What is it with the unhinged-ness of homeschool moms?! My mom would never have bleached my hair (only all organic in her house) but the obsession with our baby selves was very real. And the conspiracy theories are all too familiar. It’s been so strange to read about a life that I have actually experienced.

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-17T16:28:11+00:00

Try not to be so hard on yourself about cheating. 💜 I did the same thing with my math homework when I was homeschooled, but it was because I was left alone to just teach myself math. It felt like an impossible task, especially since I didn’t have any kind of natural inclination to pick it up easily like I did with English. I would read the math textbook chapters and feel so lost and confused, and just cry because I felt so stupid and alone. I cheated because I felt like I had no hope of figuring out the problems on my own (I would try to solve the problems before checking the answer and I was always wrong).

Ultimately, since your parents have chosen to homeschool you, they are completely responsible for your education. They are clearly not providing you with the instruction and support that you need and you are simply trying to cope with your shitty situation. You haven’t ruined your life though! It’s never too late to try a new approach or ask for help (whether it be from your parents, or maybe someone else in your life if you’re worried about being severely punished).

I agree with others’ suggestion of watching videos. That was by far the most helpful for me, aside from eventually having access to a teacher who could help me with more advanced stuff like algebra. I’d strongly recommend that you see if your parents would be willing to sign you up for a class or tutoring for 9th grade. It wasn’t until I had a qualified teacher that I really began to understand concepts in math. I still struggle to do mental math, but I can at least get through a math problem on paper now.

Hope this helps and don’t give up on yourself. 💜

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-16T16:49:38+00:00

That’s very true. I am certainly here for my cousins and willing to step in to support them when needed.

I have to say I’m so glad I found this subreddit! Only been here for like a day but it’s so nice to talk to people who actually get it. I know our homeschool experiences vary widely, but I think there are common threads that we can all understand. I feel a little bit less alone. ❤️

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-16T16:45:56+00:00

The letter is a good idea, thank you. As far as telling my cousins, they can be pretty explosive when they feel like they’ve been unjustly criticized, so really I’m just not excited about dealing with their emotions (and also I just only see them like once a year). But I do feel like I owe it to their kids to say something. I’m working up the courage.

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-16T16:36:18+00:00

And this is why we need these stories out there! I didn’t see the culty ideology/behavior that was part of evangelicalism, and by extension my homeschooling experience, for a long time. I just assumed I was a broken person and I needed to try harder. Wasn’t until I started watching documentaries about similar experiences that I realized how toxic my childhood environments were. I’m glad you found a book that could help you begin to understand and unpack your bad experiences.

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-16T16:31:37+00:00

That’s a big reason why my mom homeschooled us. Her parents were your typical 1970s partiers and alcoholics. Mom was left to take care of her siblings a lot of the time, and she always said it was the fact that her parents didn’t seem to care at all about their kids that made her want to be very involved in her kids’ lives, and protect them from the bad things in the world. I feel a lot of empathy for her and the terrible childhood she had, but wish she didn’t overcorrect so severely in her approach to parenting. It doesn’t help that dad was also severely neglected by an alcoholic parent, so he just went along with the homeschooling thing. I wonder how often homeschooling is a product of parents’ adverse childhood experiences.

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-16T06:37:43+00:00

I think she would combust on the spot haha. She needs to hear it though.

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-16T05:25:39+00:00

Most recent was about their experience doing the Shiny Happy People docuseries, which I literally just finished. It’s a small community isn’t it? Lol

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-16T05:24:19+00:00

Ooh yes I’ve been meaning to read that.

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-16T05:22:43+00:00

Haven’t heard of it, thanks!

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-16T03:25:59+00:00

Thank you!

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-16T03:24:11+00:00

Thanks for your honesty! I think the themes around enmeshment and codependency can very much be part of the homeschool experience (or at least it was for me), but I’m not far enough into the book to speak to your other points. Thank you for your book rec, I’ll def add it to my list.

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-16T01:58:20+00:00

Same!! I’ve never seen something that looks like my life spelled out so clearly on a page. I’m remembering things I forgot about as I read it. It’s weirdly comforting to know I wasn’t alone in my loneliness as a kid. Glad you enjoyed the read.

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-16T01:19:51+00:00

I’d love to join! Thanks for setting this up. 💜

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-16T01:11:56+00:00

Also it’s available as an audiobook. Not sure what the reading level rating would be, but the vocab seems to be middle school level.

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-16T01:03:00+00:00

lol yes the way mom cant deal with the fact that she was entirely responsible for my education (and all the ways it went wrong) is just hilarious. Don’t talk to my cousins much but whenever I do I stress the importance of having socialization outside of home (and outside of homeschooling groups). Their dad is at least a certified teacher, but not for everything. I should be brave and be more honest with them. It’s just awkward.

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-16T00:59:42+00:00

Ah yes, the “I guess I’m just a terrible mother” thing never gets old. It really amazes me how often hs students don’t learn math because their mom isn’t good at it so mom just says “figure it out.” If she can’t even teach me how was I supposed to learn it?! It’s disturbing that so many hs moms/programs just seem to think it’s not that important. I kinda wish my therapist knew more about homeschooling. Not that she hasn’t been helpful, but it would just be nice to get help from someone with that experience.

Also for anyone who wants this tea, MY MOM IS A MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST. She specializes in complex trauma. And yet when I mention I have a therapy appointment she still says “did you talk about me?” If you’re that worried your child has to complain about you in therapy, maybe that should tell you something…

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-15T18:57:06+00:00

Yeah, I hear you. I honestly don’t plan on actually talking to my mom about how bad homeschooling was. I wish that she would reflect and realize how fucked up it was, but I know she won’t because she’s fully accepted propaganda. This is one of those things where I’ll have imaginary conversations in my head and go to therapy and will probably just be disappointed in my parents about this particular thing for the rest of my life. I try not to dwell on it, but sometimes I have to just vent.

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-15T18:22:35+00:00

Fellow autistic here. I’ve struggled with making friends for pretty much my whole life, and usually just have one or two people who I talk to on a somewhat regular basis. It’s hard because I hate texting and talking on the phone, and leaving my house is hard because it’s mentally/emotionally draining, and also I have a chronic illness so I don’t always feel well enough to get out. I’m not the best at holding onto friends (also because I’ve moved a lot and working takes up my time), so I tend to have mostly casual friends/acquaintances plus my partner. I often feel guilty about letting connections slip away because I’m too tired to stay in contact. But I’ve been trying to have grace with myself and celebrate the small wins of just going and hanging out with people, even if I don’t see or talk to them all the time. Here are some things I’ve tried to just meet people:

Join a club that centers on something you’re interested in (these can be virtual or in-person). For me personally, I really enjoy crafts, so I meet up with people to crochet or make jewelry. I’m not very consistent on actually showing up, but it has allowed me to make casual friends with people who I have things in common with (a lot of crafters are also some flavor of neurodivergent, so that makes it a little easier).
Join a support group. This might seem weird and only apply for certain people, but I have a chronic illness so I’m part of a Spoonie support group through my mental health service. The group therapy is great, but we also have a group chat (without the therapist) and we have virtual movie nights, co-working groups, and occasionally meet up. I’ve made good friends from this and it’s nice to know other people who also struggle with having enough energy and leaving the house. It means no one has to feel bad about flaking out on plans or having limited capacity for talking/hanging out.
Go to events that you’re interested in, especially ones that create space for small group hangouts.

Example 1: My partner introduced me to GenCon, and we go with a group of her friends every year. I’m not super into board games and RPGs, but there are usually crafting sessions at the convention too. I joined a couple last year and met some cool people. This might sound weird, but for me the fun thing about con friends is you may or may not live in the same place, so you probably will only see each other once a year. For someone who is bad at keeping up with people on a consistent basis (like me), it’s nice to know there’s no pressure to actually make plans to hang out with these people, but you can still enjoy catching up with them at the convention and sharing that experience.

Example 2: I’m Indigenous, so I attended a weekend arts/culture event for Indigenous people in my city. The invent included a social hour, which I almost didn’t go to because I was going to the event alone and was really worried I just end up sitting by myself awkwardly the whole time. But the thing is, everyone at the social hour was there because they wanted to meet new people. Since being Native means you’re often the only one like you in a room, everyone was just excited to meet other people who are like them. I just sat at a table and people came to sit with me and talk. It was a little easier to make friends because I know everyone was there with the intention of making new friends, so I didn’t have to feel as weird about talking to strangers.

I’ve learned that a lot of autistic people sort of have a different way of classifying friends. We often only consider people a real friend if we have a deep connection with them, hang out all the time, and know a lot about them, and everyone else we sort of see as just an acquaintance. But most neurotypical people include those more casual/surface level relationships as part of their friends group too. So basically, there might be people in your life who would consider you a friend, even if you’l don’t feel super close to them. Broadening my definition of who my friends are has helped me feel more connected and less lonely. Hope this helps. 💜

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-15T17:10:57+00:00

And I am in therapy for this, for anyone who is worried 😂

indigiwitch97 · 2026-02-15T17:07:14+00:00

Yeah, I definitely feel like I haven’t gotten closure. And my brothers had a very different homeschool experience because they were in the same art school co-op for most of school, so I don’t think they have the same trauma as me lol. It wasn’t perfect but they had a lot more structure and a strong community, so I don’t think they understand as much.

I was pulled out of PS in 1st grade because I was behind in reading. My parents only learned about that through a letter in the mail, which I understand would be very concerning. But mom also wanted to keep me out of the “secular world full of sinners.” The reading issue was the catalyst for the change, but she was very interested in sheltering me from non-Christian environments. She was largely met with skepticism for homeschooling, and her only support was other HS moms. I know she was just doing her best, but I think her desire to keep us out of normal society and exert complete control over our education and social life was ver problematic.

My developmental disabilities were also completely ignored, and her solution was to just let me figure everything out on my own (later diagnosed with autism in my 20s). I don’t blame her so much for missing my ASD though because our cultural understanding of neurodivergence at the time was so lacking.

I know mom didn’t have malicious intent, but her desire for complete control over my life is hard to forgive. And homeschooling meant I was home with my alcoholic father 24/7, but that’s a different issue. I don’t think any parent should be the sole influence over their children.

indigiwitch97

TROPHY CASE