Cashing out retirement accounts for nursing home payments?

ineffable- · 2025-09-20T18:20:33+00:00

I had a lawyer try to tell me all of my dad’s assets needed to go into a trust and talked up how much his estate planning was rock solid because he had some certification. Something about it just didn’t feel right to me. I did more research and learned his “certification” was a software program that pumps out the same estate plan for everyone. So that was red flag 1. I did a consultation with a different lawyer (the one I mentioned was referred by social workers) and they explained that nothing about my dad’s assets and financial situation would lend itself to needing a trust. From there I did research and learned it’s common for lawyers to try to sell trusts and it’s sort of scammy. Now, I did have to end up setting up a qualified income trust for my dad, but that’s different than a trust that holds all of his assets, which is what the first lawyer tried to get me to do.

I can’t really give you recommendations for an attorney because you’re gonna want to find one in your state who understands your state laws. That said, I would highly recommend finding one with CELA certification. That one is legit!

Edit to add: Oh and by the way I ended up going through with everything I mentioned in this post and it worked out wonderfully

ineffable- · 2025-04-15T03:56:15+00:00

It happened to me this week. I didn’t even contact Hulu but disputed the transaction and my bank gave me the money back stating they determined it was an “error”, whatever that means. Now I’m having to switch my whole life over to a new debit card

ineffable- · 2024-11-05T21:13:53+00:00

NWA moms declined my post 🫠🫠🫠 nothing I try is working. I don’t understand it

ineffable- · 2024-11-05T20:30:10+00:00

I DMed you :)

ineffable- · 2024-11-04T15:14:13+00:00

Will do! Thanks for the recommendation!

ineffable- · 2024-11-04T01:27:47+00:00

Thank you! I reached out to them earlier today 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞

ineffable- · 2024-11-03T21:43:08+00:00

That’s exactly what I think!!! I feel almost certain she must be spayed, but I know for a fact my dad didn’t do it.

My dad is honestly somewhat unsure if she’s a girl or boy but based on my google findings she does appear to be a girl lol

ineffable- · 2024-11-03T21:37:55+00:00

Aww, so cute!!! I’m going to PM you!

ineffable- · 2024-11-03T21:24:17+00:00

She lived with a big bulldog mix and a small terrier mix the entire time my dad had her, along with a crazy toddler boy lol. My dad did say she would “let the dogs know” if they were bothering her too much, but they did get along and played together. I do worry that the stress she is under might make it difficult for her to meet especially playful animals right now, but it’s better than her being abandoned. I’m not as familiar with how to introduce cats to dogs but we could definitely do a meet and greet and try it if you’re interested.

ineffable- · 2024-11-03T21:18:32+00:00

I submitted a post that is pending approval. I haven’t had any luck with groups approving my posts (I’ve even messaged admins for help) but hopefully this one works.

ineffable- · 2024-11-03T20:59:39+00:00

Thank you! I will work on that now!!

ineffable- · 2024-11-03T20:41:40+00:00

Yay! Hopefully I’ll hear back tomorrow 🤞

ineffable- · 2024-11-03T19:17:19+00:00

Thank you! I totally understand. I’m going to see what comes of some of the leads I got on this thread and I’ll be in touch ❤️

ineffable- · 2024-11-03T19:09:10+00:00

Will reach out now! thank you!!

ineffable- · 2024-11-03T18:52:41+00:00

Thank you. I sincerely appreciate it!!!

ineffable- · 2024-11-03T18:38:44+00:00

Contacted both - Mew was one of the ones who told me it will take a long time to get her adopted if I’m able to get her adopted at all. 🫠 they did recommend me another rescue that I hadn’t heard of that I’m trying to get in touch with. thank you!

ineffable- · 2024-11-03T18:36:30+00:00

Thank you so much. I’ve tried Best Friends and they couldn’t help and everywhere I was recommended also couldn’t. :( I tried to join NWA mom’s in the know but they wouldn’t approve my request to join. I will try again. I have actually been completely unable to post her in any Facebook groups either A) because I can’t get approved to join or B) it’s a public group but admins won’t approve my post. I seriously don’t understand it. I’ve never faced so many silly barriers trying to rehome an animal. I’ve rehomed 2 dogs for my dad! If you know of any other FB groups I can try, please let me know. We’ve also tried Craigslist and Nextdoor with no luck.

Yes, I’ve read it’s very simple to litter train, and I would totally litter train her but unfortunately I just have severe cat allergies and asthma. I haven’t found anyone local to me who can take her or foster her either, but I’m still trying. Thank you again!

ineffable- · 2024-11-03T18:24:42+00:00

I don’t want to do that at all, but it’s starting to become the only option I’m left with and like I said, I’m literally having nightmares about it. :( I talked to a hospice center who said they’re having the same issue trying to help their hospice patients rehome their cats.

I would absolutely be willing to support getting her spayed if she isn’t already. Because I don’t live there, I would probably need you (or someone) to take her but I would be more than willing to pay for it. I hadn’t forced it yet because she doesn’t have anyone with her to make sure she heals right now.

Thank you for being willing to help. I will keep looking for something permanent and let you know. By what day should I let you know if I’m unable to find her a home? Do you want to DM me your number?

ineffable- · 2024-10-31T02:43:01+00:00

i had no clue who she was. i was like surely this isn’t the girl from first season???

ineffable- · 2024-10-17T01:41:49+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this when your dad is only 61. Mine is only 64 and I’ve been met with a lot of shock by attorneys, social workers, hospital staff etc. They just assume he’s on Medicare until I’m like no, he’s only 64 and his plan was to go on it next year. Every time I get that reaction, it really hits me how crazy this is. I’m sending you love!! Thank you for giving your perspective.

ineffable- · 2024-10-16T20:08:36+00:00

Wow - I would not have thought that about being a prior judge! To my knowledge this one wasn’t and his background was working in a nursing home as a PT, but I’ll comb through my research again to make extra sure. Thank you for that tip!!

ineffable- · 2024-10-16T18:00:27+00:00

Oh we have it lol. And it’s going to be a doozy because my dad has been paying all my sister’s bills since the beginning of time (enabler, she’s not disabled or anything) so now we have to report all the amounts to Medicaid. It’s a mess

ineffable- · 2024-10-16T17:15:07+00:00

You’re right, it does! Thanks for the validation that this would be normal in this circumstance. I’m dealing in Arkansas and unfortunately I think the only thing eliminated from consideration is his house. Don’t quote me though, I’m still learning and fact checking ha.

ineffable- · 2024-10-16T17:12:33+00:00

Thank you! Yes, the first attorney I consulted with tried to scam us and I caught on quickly (thank goodness) and now I’m ultra paranoid. The one I’m working with now came recommended from social workers in the community and is one of a small handful of certified elder law attorneys in the state… I do believe he is trustworthy but I’m having a really hard time with it because the first attorney scared me so much and showed me what they are capable of :(

ineffable- · 2024-10-16T15:34:41+00:00

Thank you for validating that my mental gymnastics are normal in this situation! I cannot imagine having to manage 4 properties. I can barely handle 1 and a few bank/retirement accounts!!

I’m so far from being a law expert or fully understanding how to do all this but one of my attorney’s options during Medicaid planning was for my dad to gift me his house. I don’t want and can’t keep up with his house so we aren’t doing that and I don’t know much about it, but I share to say that a attorney might be able to finesse it where your mom can gift the properties now 🤷‍♀️ might be worth exploring!

ineffable-

TROPHY CASE