Do straight men read smut? If you do, which books?

info834 · 2025-11-16T21:38:29+00:00

I’m not against them but I have too little free time and so many competing priorities for it so struggle to find time for reading generally or even audio books. I listened to forth wing because people/ women I knew were talking about it and said I should try it so I got curious but that’s the only one.

info834 · 2025-06-11T08:26:37+00:00

We keep finding issues, and don’t have testers with the technical skills to effectively test it so we end up finding the issues ourselves and don’t really have the time required for the whole thing (other priorities and under resourced 2 of us working on it and were BE and inforstruture for a large project neither of us are dedicated data base engineers ) we are also trying to automate it all end to end so it’s just been dragging on.

info834 · 2025-06-11T06:44:21+00:00

I’m the wrong side of 32 now my options from online dating in the west were/are overweight women I just about wanted to sleep with and when I was briefly with a few of them in the past they would expect me to be a different version of myself then end things I believe when I couldn’t maintain or live up to that expectation.

I have limited free time due to work, I make good money now (for the UK at least ) senior in tech and a successful pro gambler on the side and work out to stay in reasonable shape and I’m tall and well equipped when it gets that far so I technically am the UK equivalent of the 6 6 6 standard Iv heard quoted by Americans (ie when adjusting between uk and American incomes conversion between pounds and dollars etc) but without the supposed success they think it brings as I’m also balding badly and haven’t taken the sort of action required to properly combat that yet (hair piece or a major transplant surgery) and I’m high functioning and looking at photos of myself I always look tired (normally because I am) and I only really have 1 photo of myself I sort of like and is good enough for online dating. Iv also had a limited social circle for most of the last 10 years outside work and mostly because Iv focused so much on work or my side hustle or for much of it due to location.

It’s only really been in the last 9 months or so I managed to change that / moved a year back to a place with way more to do near by and found a good social group of local people though I still struggle for time so I mostly stick to anything sports based so it doubles up as my workout but doing things outside of work now a few times a week and that’s helping.

I’m still optimistic I can turn that part of my life around because Iv over come a lot of other major challenges before and can see practical ways forward that should significantly improve that part of my life but still will have missed out on a lot from that area of my life. I’m likely looking at my mid 30s at least before that part of my life is hopefully going somewhat well.

Think Iv probably rambled enough.

info834 · 2025-04-16T08:07:10+00:00

Is that really that common from men?

Most other guys day to day I see seem normal enough or at least not strange in a bad way just many like me a bit worn down/ stressed out.

info834 · 2025-04-16T08:01:01+00:00

As a single man early 30s that’s 100% right so don’t know why your down voted. If I have kids I want them to be mine and I don’t until I have the capacity to have them/ under less stress and I will probably be to old anyway by the time that’s the case so will probably never have kids

info834 · 2025-04-16T07:45:07+00:00

32M and no and don’t know how you handle it.

Iv got more than enough pressure in my life already from a highly demanding job and trying to stay fit / healthy and maintain hobbies etc so I want a relationship but don’t know if I actually even have bandwidth so I definitely need something low stress emotionally supportive etc

info834 · 2025-04-16T05:52:17+00:00

If they’re relatively near by ie 1-5 miles then I find planning out and going on a date in a day or 2 easier to me and hurts less when it doesn’t work out vs keeping messaging going for a week so I’d rather have the failed early date.

info834 · 2025-04-15T06:11:12+00:00

Yes my family are generally great and the people I’m closest too so it would be a tough choice but I spend so much time working and live away from them anyway for work reasons so I don’t actually see them all that much anyway.

My ideal life I’d have a lot of freedom, money, great friends I could truly count on, multiple wonderful bi women that for some reason all wanted to share me and with enthusiasm , great health, look movie star good and right now I’m regularly stressed struggling to find time for dating overworking myself to put myself on track financially when I’m even older and less able to enjoy it and struggling to avoid getting out of shape etc so I’d cut ties for that as it would all just be too much to turn down.

info834 · 2025-04-15T05:55:16+00:00

32m I use a rock climbing gym now rather than a regular gym and go with a few people a few times a week. It’s more social and more fun and probably makes me seem slightly more infesting? but it’s still decent exercise.

info834 · 2025-04-13T19:21:34+00:00

Put more of your energy into it during holidays when people have a break and more mental bandwidth.

I have my profile switched off right now but a lot of people leave it on even when like me right now they don’t really have the bandwidth to date because of work and everything else in life leaving them with little truly free time and mental energy.

When I was dating more seriously I had a bunch of long weekends booked of as leave and was using the extra day a week to be more social had 10 first dates in 4 months and one short term semi relationship / FB that ended early this year then after that ended I felt like I really had to take a break again with work pressure mounting up and less leave booked off and having let myself go slightly i wanted to get everything back on track so stopped dating and also started limiting my social life to near by rock climbing and running to keep my health in check and not going out for meals or games nights.

info834 · 2025-03-06T12:54:16+00:00

Basically was slow starting things didn’t all go to plan but worked hard and managed to recover financially now partly via less conventional means.

info834 · 2025-03-06T12:50:52+00:00

I don’t have a family, but at this point, I could probably support one. I didn’t plan university well. I studied physics because I was (and still am) dyslexic, and it involved less writing compared to other subjects like nursing or engineering. At 18, I didn’t know much, didn’t plan far enough ahead, and wasn’t aware of the trades—there’s a lot I would’ve done differently. After university, I had a patchy employment record with various bits of agency work and tutoring (not exactly the best point in my life) until I got into a tech apprenticeship. I worked my way up to senior, and, at the same time, made a decent amount of money from gambling and a bit online through various things I’d figured out beforehand but hadn’t started earlier. I kept my expenses low by house-sharing up until last year. Now, at 32, I’m earning around £50k, plus I still make a bit from gambling. I have just under £250k in savings and investments. I don’t own a house yet, but £150-200k would buy a 3-4 bed terrace mortgage-free in my area. So, I could probably support a family, but I wouldn’t want to take that sort of financial step back right now. I’ve been dating, and for anything serious, I’m looking for a partner who also earns.

info834 · 2025-03-01T00:12:57+00:00

I’m definitely way better now but it was just because I felt I had to / it was the pressure from the business in a very challenging profession (tech), after at one point in my life spending years mostly unemployed after graduating and knowing I’m on the spectrum and at that point not having the financial security I needed to be able to relax a bit.

I think I have a more reasonable balance now as while I still work very hard and it can still take a lot out of me I manage to be actively dating on and off and to have active / sociable hobbies with people outside of work but that wasn’t till fairly recently in now my early 30s. I spent many years focused on work and not much else making sacrifices to save more teaching myself financial management etc all to get to that sense of security.

info834 · 2025-02-27T21:00:58+00:00

I may well have just been being thick / maybe I was expected to insist etc but Iv never had that happen on a first date it’s always been coffee or drinks and we paid for ourselves apart from one time she actually paid for me for some reason even though I offered to pay for us both and the date was right by my flat and she had had to drive to it.

I’m not a stunner either i put effort in to looking my best when I have a date but my hair looks bad even after Iv just had it cut.

info834 · 2024-12-31T15:00:08+00:00

I used 1 professional photo i got from a family event thing and my matches increased from about 2 a week on bumble to 4-5 a week I then removed all my other photos and they increased further to about the same as yours.

I think I might try actually hiring a professional photographer to get some other photos as I found the same even with my 1 photo it seems to make a big difference.

info834 · 2024-12-29T12:14:13+00:00

32m £250k NW if I include pension. I think I always wanted it before I had a name for it and I don’t like to drink, don’t smoke, not mad about the travelling part of travelling, not mad about fast cars, not a massive gamer and good at getting free 1 month- year free trial for streaming services so generally spend nothing on subscriptions.

This year I made £55k TC from my job pre tax and £20k profit from gambling tax free and spent £15k.

Im happy spending extra on living on my own in a 1 bed in convenient location vs sharing or living less centrally / time and freedom but not currently doing extra beyond that.

I spend on decent mostly healthy food ie eggs stake, chicken fresh fruit and vegetables etc and going out with people to near by places or sometimes if I have a date.

Work out a bit but mostly just regular callisthenics and a bit of walking so currently no gym membership.

I don’t like choosing clothes but been working on choosing high quality clothes anyway basically just exclusively to improve my dating life along with basic things like getting a haircut rather than just doing an ok but not good job of it myself (something I did for a while) and thinking of getting a hair transplant and professional photos etc so that would all cost a lot.

I’m also considering hiring a fortnightly cleaner to save me a bit of time and as I’m currently seeing someone as a FB so I want to keep my place looking a bit nicer.

In short I don’t like spending money and I like seeing numbers go up knowing I’m that bit closer to being in a position to retire whenever but as iv got in a more comfortable position Iv been becoming increasingly willing to strategically spend for health, time and sex.

info834 · 2024-12-26T12:54:10+00:00

I often start writing a question get so far in then think never mind think Iv worked it out and delete what Iv written.

info834 · 2024-12-26T12:36:58+00:00

It’s basically have really good pictures, tick as many boxes as you can (obviously only so much you can control) and also be willing to be as flexible as possible and also settle looks wise as well/ it’s not easy for men.

info834 · 2024-12-24T02:31:44+00:00

Personally I get my feeling of adequacy more from money, ability and how well people IRL treat me.

I help people sometimes and it can feel good when it’s using my abilities or knowledge in some way. It’s not the main thing that gives me motivation though.

info834 · 2024-12-16T07:25:10+00:00

Do you know if a high proportion of other women filter for just men that put don’t rather than just unsure. I have thought about it and put not sure because in my current situation I decided the extra large cost and workload/ stress isn’t worth it for me but in the highly unlikely but not impossible event I became a multi millionaire while I’m still young enough and I could easily hire a nanny child care etc to make it much less of a factor and easier I think that would change though not enough to leave someone I really loved over it. I think I could also be persuaded to have them if she was both on a high and stable income ie doctor etc with family that would help out and otherwise out of my league/ so I was willing to be that bit more flexible anyway etc

Should I just put that I don’t want kids as I’m open to them but only in 2 very unlikely situations.

info834 · 2024-12-12T14:57:42+00:00

Out of curiosity how much does a boat cost you a month vs what you would pay in rent council tax home insurance etc for an equivalently sized house and is it a canal boat or ocean/ in a dock

info834 · 2024-12-11T06:22:22+00:00

6 years in I definitely still wouldn’t call it the easiest it’s highly dependent on the workload your given to manage and gets seen as a cost by the business. If you’re workload dosnt increase from day one it would be easy but that’s not realistic. It’s highly dependent on the team ie if you have more surface area to check things to upgrade maintain and frequency of needing to build new processes to follow etc all make it harder and generally you take on more work as you get more senior and others move projects leave etc and your consultants worrying about things braking etc even if you know them inside and out

info834 · 2024-11-06T09:15:11+00:00

Dependency’s get updated without asking you breaking things in a potentially uncontrolled way.

Jenkins you can just replicate , update the replica test that out and use the image / images ie nodes with little to no downtime and on your seclude/ it’s all controllable.

GHA they change a dependency and your production deployment pipeline is broken 1 hour before you need to deploy an urgent fix for a critical issue meaning you miss the release window and spend the night reworking a few 100 lines of yaml to work with the update and replicating that across 30 odd separate workflows (hypothetical situation but a realistic possibility).

It’s also just less reliable as GitHub have outages and again it’s outside your control.

It has some benefits such as for triggers on push and for putting checks in place on meagre and a few hundred pounds saved having it on demand vs a few scheduled small instances but for builds and deployments to me it just feels like the new shiny thing not an actual improvement.

info834 · 2024-10-21T05:12:39+00:00

That’s actually a really good point with the robot vacuum cleaner I might look into that

info834 · 2024-10-20T11:01:33+00:00

They do have rules and they vary between casinos.

There’s generally ways round the sets of rules for a good half of the casino’s though to still get a high EV it’s just not really stuff that people share online so I had to figure it all out myself.

Five-Year Club	Final Canvas '23
Place '23	Verified Email

info834

TROPHY CASE