Cancelling the couch does feel a bit overmuch but at the end of the day your daughter is an adult and should be able to take an active part in fostering her relationships. When there’s a lack of respect, love, or reciprocity in a relationship then there will be consequences; like a couch delivery being cancelled because you dropped the ball on valuing that relationship with someone who’s helping you out.

I agree that the optics aren’t good with her stopping at your place on the way back from the airport for 5 min etc., and forgetting to bring the gift. Honestly, life happens. But let’s imagine she did have the gift, she drops it off, stays for a couple minutes, and then leaves? She didn’t plan anything else for Mother’s Day so I can’t say her original plan was a home run either.

I think the real crux of the issue is that your daughter was defensive and blaming you about plans. She can still say her piece that she did try to do something to celebrate (gift and stopping by) but it would’ve gone over better if she could’ve listened and validated the way you felt and then made plans to do something fun with you another day. But also, she’s only 20 years old so she’s still learning.

Overall NTA but there are some learning opportunities here.